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NYC Subway Tights

By: on January 12, 2013

NYC Subway Map Tights address two male quandaries. 1) Being lost on the streets of New York and not wanting to ask for directions. 2) Coming up with something non-douchebaggy to say after getting caught staring at a smokin' hot girl's legs. Stops on the 4 and 5 trains? All laid out from lovely thigh to ankle. "What the hell do you think you're looking at?" "Just checkin' how far it is from Astor to 33rd, ma'am."

Nylon Journal's stem-enhancing subway maps have been silk screened by hand onto 100 Denier microfiber tights from within the heart of the very city they represent. Available in white or gray with apple green print, New York's finest tights stretch from Bowling Green foot arches out beyond 42nd St. crotchal regions, literally bestowing their daring wearers with miles-long legs. Nylons are footed and one size fits all. What this really means is US sizes 2 to 14, and UK sizes 4 to 16.

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Programmable Tattoo System

$149.99 from ThinkGeek »

NOTE: To everyone who keeps emailing us to reveal "the truth" about this product, please conserve your time and effort; trust us, we are well aware of the month and day on which ThinkGeek released their groundbreaking...

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Flayed Flesh Garters

Sold Out from Etsy »

Take peek-a-boo garters to the next level: peek-a-boo blood vessels and layers of muscle tissue, courtesy of open-wound prostheses and stocking accoutrements from Etsy's Meaghan O'Keefe. A pair of unpainted latex prostheses...

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In Vitro Baby Branding

Ink, sperm and eggs go in, a financially secure future comes out. In vitro fertilization is expensive, and let's face it, so are babies. What better way to offset the costs, and maybe make a little extra (elbow-elbow)...

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Skirt Length Sluttiness Stockings

Discontinued

While these may not be the definitive measurement for exactly how a lady is feeling, they're certainly guaranteed to provoke some interesting conversation. From "demure" to "dangerous" the Leg's Talk stockings provide...

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Momentary Ink - Try on Your Custom Tattoo

$15 - $21 from Momentary Ink »

I wanted my girlfriend to dress up as the hot chick from Blindspot for Halloween so I could test out these Momentary Ink custom tattoos on her, but she was all, No! Absolutely not! I have a trial starting Thursday and...

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Cyborg Tattoos

I'm afraid online ordering options for the cyborg flesh treatment have yet to make it to Amazon. In fact, should you want an anatomical anomaly tattoo so whiplash-inducingly realistic and infatuating it gets mistaken...

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Flowered Fishnet Stockings

$109.99 - $349.89 from Etsy »

My girlfriend says Lirika Matoshi's fishnets, handmade stockings with intricate flowers and other ethereal-nature-fairy elements woven in, are works of art. Yeah, I can see that. But what I mostly see is that the tights...

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Scented Herb Temporary Tattoos

$18 from Tattly »

Yes, ma'am I do have a tattoo of rosemary on my arm. Wanna smell it? ... No, wait! It's not scratch 'n' sniff, it's.... Yes ma'am, I now have a tattoo of chopped rosemary on my arm....

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Magic Tatts 3D Animated Tattoos

Discontinued

Want to make your tattoos come to life without eating hallucinogenic fungi? Then trade the magic mushrooms for some Magic Tatts, temporary tattoos that interact with an accompanying iOS/Android app to create animated...

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HUSH Anesthetic Tattoo Numbing Gel

$21.99 from Amazon »

Hey, it's not like I'm a puss, it's just that there are certain things in life I don't care for. Pain being one of them. Hush anesthetic gel has some mixed reviews about its effectiveness in creating a joyous barrier...

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Game of Thrones Temporary Tattoos

$5 - $20 from Etsy »

No girl who applies one of Seventh Skin's Game of Thrones temporary tattoos better get mad at me for staring at her chest. The intricacy, the detail, and the artistry of these short-term odes to Houses Targaryen, Stark...

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Baby Tattoo Sleeve Onesie

Sold Out from Amazon »

This baby with a mohawk and sleeves tattooed on his arms looks ridiculous. Even though the mohawk is probably just a styling of the only hair he has on his head and the sleeves are part of a onesie. The poor bastard....