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Mr. Lover Suit

By: on February 02, 2016
$74.42 - $137.99
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I was thinking my girlfriend might find a V-Day Mr. Lover suit sexy. A grand gesture the equivalent of male lingerie. What do you think? Too much? Should I just send her a dick pic instead?

As endearing as it is tacky, the Opposuits Mr. Lover ensemble gives you the opportunity to truly wear your heart on your sleeve this Valentine's Day. Both sleeves, actually. Plus your chest, back, legs, ass.... If you're resourceful you'll even be able to wear it again and again over the years, for Halloween, bachelor parties, the big Proposal, clown gigs at your kids' birthday parties. Mr. Lover isn't just an eyesore, it's an investment.

The 100% polyester suit includes a jacket, pants, and a tie, and Opposuits insists you shouldn't consider the price indicative of its quality. The jacket and pants include real suit pockets inside and out, lining, buttons, and belt loops. It comes in 9 different sizes and is machine-washable.

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DC & Marvel Comics Suits

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Beef Jerky Flower Bouquets

Men, say it with diamonds. With chocolate truffles. With roses. Ladies, say it with beef. Jerky. In the shape of flowers for good measure. Because even though nothing will tell your man's belly how you feel more than...

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TheTouch Real-Time Heartbeat Rings

$599 - $2,990 from The Touch »

Want to feel close to a loved one far away? Or in the next room when it's too much work to get up off the couch? As part of their mission to "make the most personal connecting tools," TheTouch is finishing up development...

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Conor McGregor F*ck You Pinstripe Suit

$6,500 from David August »

I don't know how long the rest of the world will remember the Conor McGregor vs. Floyd Mayweather fight after it's over, but anyone who drops $6,500 on a David August Fuck You pinstripe suit like the one McGregor wore...

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Ex-Boyfriend Revenge Kit

$1,680 from Her Royal Flyness »

I am drawing this Ex-Boyfriend Revenge Kit to the world's attention only so that if anyone sees a woman carrying a bluish-greenish colored purse you'll know to report her immediately to a shrink, the police, and Batman....

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Diamond Armor - $3.2 Million Bulletproof Suit

$3.2 million from SuitArt »

At $3.2 million, Swiss fashion house SuitArt's Diamond Armor has nabbed the title of Most Expensive Suit in the World. The current title. I will obliterate it next month when I debut my Diamond & Adamantium Armor for...

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Shibari Lube Launcher

$6.99 from Amazon »

The Shinbari Lube Launcher. XL. In blue. That's seven-and-a-half inches of long and strong silicone jelly (or even, according to one reviewer, organic coconut oil) reservoir ready to facilitate pleasure and alleviate...

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Objects of Desire (NSFW)

$34.99 from Amazon »

Everyone's all on about the advancements in the computer industry. The cell phone industry. The automotive industry. But what about the sex toy industry? Isn't it about time they got the props they deserve for the groundbreaking...

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Diamond Ring Candles

$24.95 from Diamond Candles »

Diamond Candles makes candles (duh) with embedded diamonds (du...really?) Each candle is guaranteed to contain a sparkly ring for its burner to discover as the wax diminishes. Granted, they're not all diamonds, and they're...

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Penis Tuxedo

$29.95 from LELO »

How long has it been since someone said your penis looks "dapper?" For me, the answer is an emphatic "too long." The same goes for "snazzy," "handsome," and "just like Jon Hamm." I can only hope LELO's new TUX, a penis...

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Go F Yourself Condom Card

$9.99 - $12.99 from FunnyCondoms.com »

I can think of many people to whom I'd like to send a Go F Yourself card (complete with packaged condom for carrying out the act!) but one dude stands out like a glowing beacon bobbing amidst the sea of the rest. How...

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You Is Fine Bears

$17 - $49.99 from Love Is Lame »

Do you love her? Eh. Is she cute? Heh. She is way beyond cute, dude. Hot? HOT. Like... Hotter than Olivia Munn all tatted up and devouring a chili dog in a Xena costume? Uh.... Basically every time I see her all I can...