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Barcode Tattoos

By: on November 23, 2011
$7.50
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Not quite ready to make today's ironic tat trend a lifelong companion? Or even a week-long reminder that corporate America condemns those with conspicuous body art to careers in food service? These peel-off barcode tattoos stick around for a mere 24 hours, allowing everyone the thrill of denouncing capitalist greed and consumption, without the ongoing responsibility of abstaining from capitalist greed and consumption. Packs of 9 feature witty objectifiers, including "human", "slave", "product", and "buy me". Designs use scannable Code 128-style encryption, so you can finally determine how much Target thinks you're worth, and craftily apply for a job at Nordstrom by trying to return yourself. Available in English, Spanish, and French for those who want to let everyone in on the joke, and in German for those who want to make people think they're real.

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Programmable Tattoo System

$149.99 from ThinkGeek »

NOTE: To everyone who keeps emailing us to reveal "the truth" about this product, please conserve your time and effort; trust us, we are well aware of the month and day on which ThinkGeek released their groundbreaking...

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In Vitro Baby Branding

Ink, sperm and eggs go in, a financially secure future comes out. In vitro fertilization is expensive, and let's face it, so are babies. What better way to offset the costs, and maybe make a little extra (elbow-elbow)...

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Scented Herb Temporary Tattoos

$18 from Tattly »

Yes, ma'am I do have a tattoo of rosemary on my arm. Wanna smell it? ... No, wait! It's not scratch 'n' sniff, it's.... Yes ma'am, I now have a tattoo of chopped rosemary on my arm....

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Momentary Ink - Try on Your Custom Tattoo

$15 - $21 from Momentary Ink »

I wanted my girlfriend to dress up as the hot chick from Blindspot for Halloween so I could test out these Momentary Ink custom tattoos on her, but she was all, No! Absolutely not! I have a trial starting Thursday and...

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Cyborg Tattoos

I'm afraid online ordering options for the cyborg flesh treatment have yet to make it to Amazon. In fact, should you want an anatomical anomaly tattoo so whiplash-inducingly realistic and infatuating it gets mistaken...

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Magic Tatts 3D Animated Tattoos

Discontinued

Want to make your tattoos come to life without eating hallucinogenic fungi? Then trade the magic mushrooms for some Magic Tatts, temporary tattoos that interact with an accompanying iOS/Android app to create animated...

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HUSH Anesthetic Tattoo Numbing Gel

$21.99 from Amazon »

Hey, it's not like I'm a puss, it's just that there are certain things in life I don't care for. Pain being one of them. Hush anesthetic gel has some mixed reviews about its effectiveness in creating a joyous barrier...

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Game of Thrones Temporary Tattoos

$5 - $20 from Etsy »

No girl who applies one of Seventh Skin's Game of Thrones temporary tattoos better get mad at me for staring at her chest. The intricacy, the detail, and the artistry of these short-term odes to Houses Targaryen, Stark...

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Baby Tattoo Sleeve Onesie

$28.75 from Amazon »

This baby with a mohawk and sleeves tattooed on his arms looks ridiculous. Even though the mohawk is probably just a styling of the only hair he has on his head and the sleeves are part of a onesie. The poor bastard....

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Temporary Eye Tattoos

$4 from Etsy »

I can't tell if these temporary tattoos are attractive or look like someone taped a doily to your eye, but I think girls will like them, so as a nod to girls, I'm going to award Man Nga Liu's makeup alternatives relatively...

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Custom Temporary Tattoos

Jolly Rogers, Hearts that say "Mom", Tweety Birds, sure they're gumball machine classics when it comes to temporary tattoos, but what about getting tatted out for 2 to 3 days in a design that expresses true individuality...

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Tattly Designer Temporary Tattoos

$5 - $15 from Tattly »

I think I want to get permanently inked with: a pair of pliers; a pirate ship; a snarling grizzly bear; and a soft-serve ice cream cone, but I'd like to test drive them for a couple days before finalizing the decision....