The Supermagnet

$350 from United Nuclear »

Whoa. The Supermagnet, a 4" diameter, 2" thick neodymium disc, comes with more red alerts than a limo filled with tequila, coke, condomless hookers with herpes, and a blind chauffeur. "WARNING - VERY POWERFUL." "EXTREMELY...

Biometric Safe

$174.99 from Amazon »

It's pretty simple: your valuables; your safe; your fingerprint. BARSKA's biometric guardian of cash, firearms, last wills and testaments, and treasures you stole from Smaug allows keyless access only to those with the...

Hoodsie - Adult Hooded Onesie

$65 - $85 from Hoodsie »

The bad news: at printing, Hoodsie adult hooded onesies just completed a successful Kickstarter campaign, and are available only for pre-order. Delivery is not anticipated until April 2014, long after the most bone-chilling...

Nosferatu Shower Curtain

$72.99 from Etsy »

The makers of this shower curtain depicting a shadowy Nosferatu ascending the stairs to drain your blood and leave you a dead and dried-out heap of sunken flesh...or maybe turn you into a vampire like himself if you're...

Sphero 2B

$99 from Sphero »

A couple of years ago, Sphero became the first robotic ball gaming system maneuverable through a tilt, touch, or swing from connected smartphones or tablets. Sphero can roll on tabletops, serve as a handheld controller...

Goji Play - Exercise Gaming Companion

$99.99 from Amazon »

Exergaming isn't new to the scene. From as far back as the NES Power Pad for track events to modern day fitness programs on the Wii and Kinect for jumping around with digital Shaun Ts, someone is always trying to slap...

Castle Murphy Bed

$3,500 from Etsy »

If I could ever afford to spend thousands of dollars on a custom-built castle whose drawbridge doubles as a Murphy bed, do you think I would buy it for my kid? Absolutely not. Partly because that fantastical fortress...

AirRam - High-Power Cordless Vacuum Cleaner

$299.95 from Amazon »

Sometimes when I look into a bagless vacuum canister filled with dirt and hair I experience a sense of grotesque pleasure. Like, look at that vile mess I made, and hats off to the vacuum that cleaned it up. The Gtech...

Morph Fire Paintball Gun Converter

$159.99 - $175.99 from Morph Fire »

This isn't a toy: it's power incarnate. That's how the guys at Morph Fire feel about their 656 converter packs, which turn paintball guns into 600 fps, 6mm BB guns. Coincidentally, it's also how I feel about my pitching...

Spiral Vegetable Slicer

$39.95 from Amazon »

Under normal circumstances I wouldn't eat a zucchini under any circumstances. But a zucchini that's been shaved? Hmmm, I don't know. See, when it comes to girls I...well, anyway, I guess it's safe to say that if an ugly...

Assassin's Creed IV Hidden Blade Gauntlet

$33.30 from Amazon »

Assassin's Creed fan or not, everyone needs a gauntlet with a hidden retractable blade. The Edward Kenway Black Flag replica shown here includes one that's spring-loaded with switchblade-style action. The gauntlet itself...

PrioVR - Wearable Game Controller

By: PrioVR »

As predicted, probably by Nostradamus and Back to the Future II (but not the Mayans because they thought we'd be dead by now), 2014 is shaping up to be the year of virtual reality. As the buzz around the Oculus Rift VR...

Cat Battle Armor

$500 - $520 from Etsy »

Quick, someone get this cat a lance! He's scheduled to joust one of the guinea pigs from G-Force at high noon and only just finished his battle armor fitting. I don't know if he's ready for this. The pigs have been training...

Shift Self-Bending Paperclip

$55 from Ellusionist »

You know who loves magic tricks? Kids. You know who else loves magic tricks? Hopefully all the women I invite home for a night of fine 7-layer dip and shots of Sauza Silver after I show them my magic trick....

The LEGO Ideas Book

$14.07 from Amazon »

Ideas? I have lots of them. At least 7 million. Like, how about a southern soul food sushi roll? Fill a steamed collard green leaf with mashed yams, tempura chicken, and some cranberry sauce. Then roll it, slice it, and...

The Super Shaver Soap Saver

Discontinued

August 2014 Update: Having received multiple emails from Dude readers noting that they ordered, and paid for, the Super Shaver Soap Saver months ago and have neither never received their product, nor an explanation for...

Illoom Balloons

$4.40 from Amazon »

Oompa Loompas don't need brooms, they use Illoom Balloons to zoom o'er the moon....

Wave Drink Siphon

$12 from Shapeways »

I mean, I'm fine getting my own glass of SunnyD, but I guess if you really want to give me some of yours, alright. Go ahead and Wave it over....

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June - Personalized Sun Protection Coach

$99 from Netatmo »

Business coach, life coach, fitness coach, diet coach, and now add sun coach to the list of people I pay to help me avert F'ing up. Except June isn't a person. She (I'll go ahead and personify her though) is a bracelet...

T8X Robotic Spider

$499 - $749 from Robugtix »

I know. It's just a remote control spider, right? Fun for 5 minutes' worth of scaring Grandma, but otherwise unremarkable. And $499? Is that a joke?...

Glowing Plants

$50 - $150 from Glowing Plant »

After raising nearly half a million dollars on Kickstarter, the Glowing Plants project is accepting pre-orders and synthetic biology-ing away to deliver their natural sources of light in Fall 2014. Make no mistake, Glowing...

The Anatomy Coloring Book

$12.56 from Amazon »

Sorry, it's not that kind of anatomy. Currently in its 4th Edition, The Anatomy Coloring Book has been simultaneously dazzling its doodlers and teaching them the basics of anatomical structures for more than 35 years....

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BASH Unbreakable Sledge Hammer

Giveaway: BASH Unbreakable Sledge Hammer

By: Amazon »

Enter to win your very own demo-god, a Wilton BASH unbreakable sledge hammer! We're giving away the biggest of the big boys, a 36" hammer with a heavy-duty 46 HRC, 20lb head (a $220 value)!...

HALO V 3X - 32" Switchblade

$9,500 from Blade HQ »

Better known as the Gargantuan Beast, Marfione Customs' HALO V 3X is a 32" out the front knife begging to battle Bigfoot and become the next addition to your Microtech collection. As indicated, the 3X is 3 times the size...

Mother - Home & Life Sensor System

$222 from Sen.se »

I don't know about the name "Mother." This home and life sensor system's creators say they chose it because Mother takes care us. Our safety, our fitness. Our comfort and joy. She makes our lives "serene, healthy and...

Super Precision Gyroscope

$249 from Amazon »

Made from solid brass and aluminum, the Super Precision Gyroscope is both the epic tinkerer's and workplace thumb-twiddler's essential toy. It runs on miniature stainless steel bearings that propel its movement continuously...

Splash - Waterproof Bluetooth Wireless Speaker

Sold Out from Amazon »

Here's a friendly price point for singing like a nightingale or screaming like a banshee in the shower. FreshETech's Splash Shower Tunes is a completely waterproof, wireless speaker that automatically pairs with any Bluetooth-fitted...

First Aid Flame - Instant Fire

$14.95 from First Aid Flame »

Movie stuntman and stunt coordinator Bob Bragg developed the First Aid Flame for 2 reasons. 1) He could. Having honed his savvy in fire-related stunts, Bragg knew how to fabricate and manipulate the combustion process...

Onewheel - Self-Balancing Electric Skateboard

$1,299 from Onewheel »

They say Onewheeling is like surfing the perfect wave or snowboarding on fresh powder, but without the requisite presence of an ocean or mountain. Hmmm. I wonder if the presence of oceans and mountains has been what caused...

InaTrap - Insect Killer & Night Light

$79.95 from Amazon »

The InaTrap Insect Killer won the 2012 Taiwan Excellence Award. I wonder if it was the sole champion. Like, if nothing else in the entirety of 2012 Taiwan was more excellent than a bug destroyer (with night light!) I...

Grizzly 8.5" Magfed Shotgun

$411 from Canada Ammo »

No one has written a Wikipedia article on Dominion Arms' Grizzly 8.5 magfed shotgun yet, and no one has given me a Dominion Arms Grizzly 8.5 mag fed shotgun yet, so all I can really say about it is that from the very...

Humans of New York

$16.13 from Amazon »

Brandon Stanton started his blog Humans of New York in the summer of 2010 in an effort to capture a "photographic census of New York City." The strange, the beautiful, the inspiring, the struggling. The people who say...

Star Wars I Am Your Father Print

$125 - $1,699 from Kult »

Luke was never the apple of his daddy's eye, but thanks to fine artist Christian Waggoner, he will forevermore be the reflection in Vader's mask....

Automatic Cordless Tire Inflator

It's like a cordless drill, except desirable for use on a tire. That is, when applied the automatic inflator will shoot air into the tire instead of puncturing it and letting air out. Though using a cordless drill for...

Shark Attack Glass

$8.90 from Amazon »

Just when you thought you could enjoy a glass of beer without having your face bitten off by a shark. First the aggressive sea dwellers infiltrated our coffee mugs, and now it's our cold beverage containers. I hear they're...

HipShotDot - LED Gaming Sight

$14.99 from Amazon »

Know what your TV needs? A suction cup. Not sold? How about a suction cup housing an on-screen LED red dot sight attachment for gaming guns? The HipShotDot attaches via USB to video game consoles (or an external USB power...

Flat Panel Heater

Sold Out from Amazon »

One time I stepped outside my back door and it was -8 degrees and the snot froze in my nostrils. That time was yesterday. But during these frigid winter months, instead of jacking up my home's central heating system...

Jet Fry Oil-Free Fryer

$144.14 from Amazon »

I have a hard time believing that fried food tastes like fried food if it's not fried fully submerged in the succulent greasiness of oils corn, palm, peanut, or pig. But, since I'd prefer not to have my first dance with...

AIRTAME - Wireless HDMI Dongle

$99 from AIRTAME »

AIRTAME believes that "everyone should be able to show any content from any computer on any screen--wirelessly." Given that last time I tried to hook up my laptop to my friend Cornelius' TV to show him a slideshow from...

Doctor Who TARDIS Shower Rack

$44.99 from ThinkGeek »

Doctor Who's time-traveling spacecraft TARDIS has a new assignment: hold your soaps, shampoos, razors, and other grooming gear so they don't litter up or fall off the ledges of your shower. Despite the looks of it, the...

Food Huggers

$14 - $19 from Food Huggers »

Haha, so long Ziploc bag press 'n' seal tracks that don't frikkin' press 'n' seal! I've got rubbers to keep my leftover produce safe now! OK, technically 100% BPA-free, FDA grade silicone, but the point is Food Huggers...

Nuclear Glow Soap

United Nuclear's Nuclear Element Glow Soaps will scrub you clean. Clean and genetically modified. Maybe like Spider-Man. Maybe like Sloth from The Goonies....

Super Sculpey Sculpturing Compound

$9 from Amazon »

As you can see, Super Sculpey sculpturing compound can sculpt some pretty super sculptures. The mutant dentist's nightmare in the photo above comes courtesy of Chris Maxwell via ConceptArt. Additionally, a simple online...

Indoor Flameless Marshmallow Roaster

Roasting marshmallows and making s'mores over an open flame is such grand fun. At least until someone falls into the burning ring of fire and doesn't live to sing about it like Johnny Cash. Then it's kind of a downer....

Tornado Machine

$225.05 from Amazon »

When the sun shines we make hay, and when the clouds roll in...and dump 18" of snow on the ground, rendering it nearly impossible to even open the front door to our houses...we make tornadoes. In our tornado machines....

ToastyMUG

$60 from Sabrina Fossi »

Now when you say "ToastyMUG," Sabrina Fossi, do you really mean toasty? Like, warm and soul-soothing? Or do you actually mean scorching and my choice of second degree finger burns or dropping the mug and spilling its...

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The Man Ring

Giveaway: The Man Ring

Complement your fine motor exploits and turn Ringman into a finger-sized MacGyver! Enter to win the sleek and stealthy multi-tool Man Ring from Boone Rings (a $385 value)!...

Track N Go Wheel-Driven Track System

$25k from Track N Go »

When people ask me if I want to go snowshoeing I always say no because this activity usually involves walking. Often up a steep slope. In the snow. It's cold, labor-intensive, and there are no Playmates wearing nothing...

AudioOrbs - Habitable Speakers

$15k from indiegogo »

Remember the Cocoon 1, a means for people to leave the bubble of their computer screens and living rooms, and enter a bubble plopped down in the middle of a park or the general admission area of the next Slipknot show?...

Saw Puppet Bobblehead

$22.37 from Amazon »

Oh good, it's Billy the Puppet poised to nod and smirk at me all day long. That mouth doesn't actually move, does it? And that tricycle doesn't actually roll, does it? What are the odds that a bobblehead from Saw arrives...

Elite Marine Coolers

$239.68 - $573.97 from Amazon »

These Pelican coolers have 7- 10-day ice retention properties. That's pretty good. Nowhere near those of my ex, who has retained the ice in her heart for, like, 2 years now, but for a cooler, pretty good. Coined Elite...

Primo - Programming Interface for Kids

$279 from Primo »

Primo is a tangible programming interface designed to teach children ages 4 to 7 basic programming logic without the need for literacy. No literacy? No reading? Pwah! Kids are just handed everything in life. On silver...

LED Jellyfish Mood Lamp

$29.99 from ThinkGeek »

If you weren't crowned winner of our Pet Jellyfish Tank Giveaway, or are like me and don't have much success keeping alive things in your care alive, this LED jellyfish mood lamp could be the non-living companion of your...

Lemon Shark Juicer

$9 from Amazon »

A lemon shark is a real thing! It looks like this! Do you think it's called a lemon shark because it prefers lemons to human limbs or because it is particularly sour? Wikipedia says...wamp, wamp. Neither. It's just yellowish...

Telephone Lamps

$236.56 from Etsy »

HomeMadeKarma homemakes these upcycled telephone lamps, so hopefully buying one will bring me some good karma. Note: I would consider anything from a suitcase filled with unmarked bills to my incredibly hot new neighbor's...

Fully Stocked Swiss Bank Safe

Here's a Swiss bank safe for you to put in your living room. Or your back yard. Your secret catacombs? Somewhere roomy, guarded, and secure, because one thing's for sure: the vault's self-contained 1,619 safe deposit...

Howling Wolf Incense Burner

$22.49 from Amazon »

"I LOVE this. I was worried this would look tacky or cheap, but it really is awesome looking. Pleasantly surprised. Goes great with other wolf bathroom accessories I have." Thank you, Amazon reviewer Adelaide. Your assessment...

Whiskey Beef Jerky

Usually if beef jerky burns as it travels down my throat it's because I bit off a fat hunk and didn't chew it enough and the burn is due to an oversized mass of dehydrated meat threatening to puncture my esophagus as...

Skyscraper Candles

Here's Gotham City burning slowly to the ground. And off-gassing oozy Penguin blood in the process. And a few doors down, the skyscrapers of the capital of Candy Land are suffering the same fate. Up in flames and melting...

Nerds with Vaginas Underwear

$15 from Etsy »

Did you get drunk and pee your pants last night? Did you throw your panties on stage during the New Year's Eve Super Diamond Neil Diamond cover band show? Did you sneak out of the bed you woke up in at 5:00 a.m. and leave...

Fitbit Aria Wi-Fi Smart Scale

$116.56 from Amazon »

Happy New Year! Here's something to make you feel fat, ugly, and depressed motivate and inspire you to reach your 2014 fitness goals! The Fitbit Aria Wi-Fi Smart Scale measures weight, body fat percentage, and body mass...

Ninja Mug

$14.99 from ThinkGeek »

Sure a ninja mug is cool, but if you get one you're never going to be able to find it. Even if it's just sitting there, in the middle of your desk, right in front of your face. Ninja mugs are seen only when they want...

SILIC Self-Cleaning Shirt

$48 from SILIC »

Hydrophobic. Seems like it would mean afraid of water, doesn't it? Well it does. But in this case, the hydrophobia is a good thing, not a buzzkill like it is when someone invites me and my friend Cornelius to go windsurfing...

Star Wars Pipes

$59 - $75 from Etsy »

One good way to bring the Dark Side and the Light Side together is to get them all stoned. What, we're fighting? I'm trying to eradicate you from the galaxy? OK, well...why don't we order some deep dish pizzas...and a...

Bed Fan with Wireless Remote

Sold Out from Amazon »

I've always thought how nice it would be to have a cool, consistent breeze blowing up my shorts. I'm actually in the process of developing my own take on Air Jordans, called Air Up There Jordans. They'll have a ring-shaped...

Senz Stormproof Smart Umbrella

$54.50 from Amazon »

Oh I'll buy a Senz stormproof smart umbrella alright. I'll also take one of those red-lipped brunettes in a cocktail dress to valiantly shield from torrential downpours and winds of up to 50 mph with it....