140-Pound Adjustable Weighted Vest

$349.99 from Amazon »

Of course, of course McConaughey runs in a weighted training vest. His pecs aren't schlepping around any 140 pounds of solid iron like this ZFL pullover though....

Japanese Flipbooks

$15.80 - $23.37 from Amazon »

Rabbit with Long Ear is by far the most profound book I've read...ever. In 0 words and less than 5 seconds it provides a stirring and stark look into the life of a creature cursed with inordinately long lobes who refuses...

Canned Dragon Meat

$13.43 from Amazon »

Canned Dragon Meat. It's like Canned Unicorn Meat, but from a slain dragon instead of a slain unicorn. It probably tastes a lot tougher, maybe a little charred, but since slaying a dragon is considered heroic and grounds...

Mitten Flask

$17.99 from Perpetual Kid »

It's only natural that a company called Perpetual Kid would be selling a Mitten Flask. Ahhh, mittens. I lost so many of them sledding during Christmas vacation as a precocious 7-year-old. And ahhh, flasks. I always had...

WORX 8-in-1 Aerocart

$159 from Amazon »

Let me say first of all that putting an "X" on it does not make work more fun. But the WORX Aerocart should make your opposite-of-fun jobs around the house easier and more efficiently handled. The 8-in-1 chore buddy is...

Explorer Pro Selfie Stick

$34.99 from DudeIWantThat.com »

From weapons of mass destruction to implements of overt self-adulation. I think selfie sticks are the next atrocity we've got to worry about destroying humanity. But until that happens, I need a rugged and robust one...

The Grillbot

$113.99 from Amazon »

They say the Grillbot, an automatic BBQ cleaner, is fully effective, easy to use, and, my favorite selling point, fun to watch. I mean, grilling season typically coincides with TV rerun season, so hell yeah I'm on the...

Neverending Story Cases

$58.99 - $65.99 from Amazon »

Call my name! Bastian, please! Save us! Did anyone else have trouble deciphering what Bastian actually said when he screamed out the name he had chosen for the Childlike Empress? I must have watched The Neverending Story...

Self-Cleaning Aquarium

Sold Out from Amazon »

The one responsibility that comes with owning a Betta fish--aside from not showing it a mirror--is cleaning its bowl semi-regularly, lest the glass should get so grimy as to interfere with your mean-spirited attempts...

Peanut Butter Cup Cake

Discontinued

A gargantuan mail-order Peanut Butter Cup Cake, stacked with double layers of rich chocolate devil's food hugging real peanut butter filling, and then drowned in a dark chocolate shell, is the reason acronyms like OMFG...

MudBlade Shoe Scraper

$9.75 from Unikia »

Sure you could use a knife to clean the caked dirt and gunk out of the crevices of your shoes. You could also use a knife to clean the caked dirt and gunk out from under your fingernails. But it's probably not the best...

Fixed - App to Fight Parking Tickets

By: Fixed »

Those of you who follow the detailed accounts I provide of my illustrious life now know that I have racked up many hundreds of dollars in unpaid parking tickets. So many hundreds that you could technically upgrade the...

SeV Sterling Store-Everything Jacket

$149.99 from ThinkGeek »

The Scottevest SeV Sterling jacket has 24 interior pockets. 24! That means it can hold my wallet (condoms), water bottle (lube), iPad (In Diana Jones and the Temple Poon DVD), sunglasses (vibrator), Bluetooth headset...

Instacube - Real-Time Instagram Photo Frame

$109.99 from Amazon »

One piece of advice to Instacube users: don't drink & stream. While the real-time digital display frame does make it easy to share photos of the grandkids with family or schmoopy, pathetic shots of you pining for your...

Bullet Gun Cleaning Kit

$24.98 from Amazon »

If your 16-year-old daughter is going on a date with some punk kid and he comes to pick her up at your house, is it more or less intimidating to be cleaning your guns with a bullet-shaped gun cleaning kit? On the one...

Pykmax Ergonomic Guitar Pick

$12 - $14 from Amazon »

They call it a high performance guitar pick, which in my mind means that the Pykmax should do the guitar strumming for me. Like a player piano, but completely inconspicuously so that the ladies I'm trying to impress think...

Animal Paper Clips

$7.09 - $16.04 from Amazon »

Midori makes over two dozen different animals ready to hold the wayward strands of your life together. At least the parts of it that are on paper. The company's animal D-Clips are the most precious paper clips I've ever...

Slackers Backyard Zip Lines

$122.54 - $153.19 from Amazon »

Even though Slackers' Zip Line Kits are rated for passengers weighing up to 250 pounds, all of the photos I could find depict only kids using it. You know why? Because any adults who would like to partake in this flight...

Soma Carafe & Sustainable Water Filter

$35.99 from Soma »

You don't want your water to taste like ass, so why get a water filtration system that looks like it? Rather than stick a filterer of the H20 inside a chunky, clunky pitcher or bulbous faucet attachment, Soma glides its...

Branding Iron For BIC Lighter

$22 from Shapeways »

Hey moms! Check it out... No more searching for that perfect stocking-stuffer for your teenage son. Customize these to say whatever it is you'd like... that's 5 characters or less. This is actually a pretty creative idea...

RazorPit Blade Sharpener

$21.35 from Amazon »

A Mach 3...or 9...or whatever the hell number they're on now, a pack of blades, and a RazorPit. Gifts for Dad = done. The RazorPit, which I prefer to think of as a Big Boy Bed for my razor, recruits a patented friction...

Lubricheck Engine Oil Tester & Analyzer

$49.95 from Amazon »

I always thought my car required an oil change every 3,000 to 5,000 miles out of necessity, but according to Lubricheck, I shell out my precious duos of Andrew Jackson, 7th President of the United States and fellow Pisces...

StickR TrackR Bluetooth Location Stickers

$29.95 from DudeIWantThat.com »

The size of a quarter, the value of your sanity. Attach a StickR TrackR Bluetooth location sticker to any important item and maintain a permanent link to its whereabouts. Get a pair of the disks from Dude Exclusives for...

Grass Knuckles - Living Jewelry

When it comes to living things, are you more into cultivating them, or popping them in the jaw? Icelandic industrial designer Hafsteinn Juliusson's live grass knuckles are brilliantly executed wearable flora for the half...

Karma Pay As You Go 4G Hotspot

It is now your karma to stay connected wherever you may roam. It is also your karma to earn free data in return for sharing your Karma WiFi hotspot with others. The Karma Hotspot, a 4G pay-as-you-go data conduit provides...

R-PAL 300-Lumen Compact LED Lantern

$129.95 from Amazon »

The R-PAL palm-sized lantern comes with 3 CREE XLamp XBD LEDs that provide a minimum of 300 lumens of brightness, and a piece of paper taped over them warning you not to look directly into their light. Like your teachers...

The 1990s Coloring Book

$7.82 from Amazon »

So a couple weeks ago I was my mama was watching the Saved By the Bell movie on Lifetime and I inadvertently saw a scene or two. I had no idea, no idea! that Zack Morris got it on with Lisa Turtle in real life. Only she...

Airbag Motorcycle Jackets

$340 - $500 from SaferMoto »

As with those in cars, presuming Airbag Jackets' inflatable impact absorbers don't spontaneously detonate while a biker is cooly cruising the local strip checkin' out who is the what is the what some fine evening, the...

Capt. Jules' Extraordinary Telescope Ring

$9.99 from ThinkGeek »

I don't really need another cast metal telescoping ring fashioned in the steampunk style, but I can be convinced to buy pretty much anything for the right price. And at half off/$9.99 at printing, Captain Jules' Extraordinary...

Confluence Topographic Tray

$1,700 from Artonomos »

Confluence looks so vast. Layers of birch plywood undulating over a rich landscape of smooth canyons and swirling colors carved especially to transport your wildest dreams and...your teapot. Zoom out. A little more. Oh....

BLOCKS - Customizable Smartwatch

By: blocks »

Like Phonebloks (i.e., Google's Project Ara), the forthcoming BLOCKS smartwatch will encompass an array of detachable modules. Wearers will be able to snap together hardware, sensor, app, and "dummy" (for sizing) BLOCKS...

Wonderbag Portable Slow Cooker

$57.71 from Amazon »

The Wonderbag. Huh. It looks like a dog bed, but they say it cooks food. So well, in fact, that the portable slow cooker can serve as a a simple, inexpensive, and effective means of reducing energy costs and usage worldwide...

Calibur Classic Firearm Prints

$19 - $45 from Calibur Prints »

Is it just me or does it seem weird to call an AK-47 a "classic" or "historical" firearm? I feel like those words should still just refer to guns like the single-shot pistol John Wilkes Booth used to assassinate Abraham...

Breaking Bad Terrarium

$195 from Etsy »

Way to go, Walter White and meth heads, Breaking Bad has reached terrarium levels of popularity. Terrarium. I find that word difficult both to spell and to say aloud. Try it. Rough on the tongue, 'ey? Not very pleasant...

Broquets

$39 - $127 from Broquet »

Broquets are cornucopias of real man stuff sent to real men...plus women who don't want no stinkin' roses, and would rather have a vat of hot sauce that puts hair on their chest than a box of chocolates that puts pounds...

Magnetic Sand Hourglass

$9 from Amazon »

Looks like Wooly Willy is a new daddy. They told him this would happen if he didn't stay away from that sexy hourglass at the front desk. Now he's got at least 18 years of minding his little iron fillings in 60-second...

Sushi Socks

$5.39 - $28.99 from Otakumode »

They're sushi socks going on anyway. Probably more like kusaya socks coming off. Mmmm, take a whiff of that, Cornelius. All the wasabi and pickled ginger in the world isn't going to cover up the scent of me and my fuchsia...

Hand-Forged Nata Hatchet

$220 from Hand-Eye Supply »

At first I wasn't sure why this Nata Hatchet costs so much, but then I read the item description on Hand-Eye Supply's listing and noticed it begins with "Behold." As in, "Behold, the mighty Bridgetown Forge x Hand-Eye...

Rotimatic Indian Bread Maker

$599 - $999 from Rotimatic »

I'm still not even sure what the hell roti is. I thought Indian bread was either naan (mmmmm, chewy) or papadums (mmmmm, crunchy). What's this third formation of dough throwing a wrench into my narrow culinary view of...

Dragon Wine Bottle Holder

$22.89 from Amazon »

Is it just me or is this dragon holding a wine bottle pretty much, um, adorable? It's definitely cuter than every kid who's ever shown up in my Facebook feed even though I try to unfriend people when they produce offspring...

GORUCK Gym Bags

$75 - $95 from GORUCK »

GORUCK makes this pair of military-grade gym bags from 1000 D ballistic or double-layered CORDURA. As far as I can tell, that means they're burly and water resistant, but will probably grow to smell like a combination...

The Full Stack Hacker Bundle

Get the Full Stack Hacker Bundle, a ganging of 8 Web dev courses that include 70+ hours of elite training, for a pittance at 92% off the $668 retail value of modules sold individually! Available for $49 from Dude Exclusives...

BioSport Earbuds with Built-in Heart Monitor

$149.95 from Amazon »

SMS Audio has your back heart. Their BioSport earbuds don't just pump out the vocals, bass, and mid-tones to keep you moving, they also measure your heart rate and track your intensity to keep you moving...harder. Faster!...

A Guide to Muscles

$22.32 - $70.68 from ArtSider »

Molecular biologist-turned-designer Eleanor Lutz regularly publishes the science-themed charts, infographics, and illustrations she creates on her blog Tabletop Whale. Here with the "Guide to Muscles" poster (officially...

Darth Vader and Son Figures

$149.99 from Gentle Giant »

Ahhh, Darth Vader and Son. The must-have storybook for all dads forced to read their sons storybooks. Jeffrey Brown's re-envisioning of the Star Wars mythos speculates on how a galaxy far, far away might have looked if...

Marinade-Infusing Meat Tenderizer

You can make all the tender meat jokes you want, but when it comes down to it, you know you like tender meat. I like tender meat. Tender and infused with flavor. Mmmmmm....

Sugru - Self-Setting Rubber

$22 from Amazon »

One time when I was a young boy I, like all young boys, wanted to hang a Tawny Kitaen poster on my wall. But I didn't have any poster putty on hand, so as an alternative I licked its 4 corners and stuck Tawny to my closet...

Bushnell Digital Night Vision Monocular

$230.93 from Amazon »

Well I know I like that square beam HD flashlight Bushnell makes so I have similarly high hopes for their Equinox Z, a digital night vision monocular with 6x magnification. The after-dark locating and sightseeing device...

Second Skin Star Wars Suits

$63.79 from Costume Craze »

Costume Craze has released a whole line of Second Skin Star Wars suits for 2013, but I feel like if a man is going to put a definitive outline of the family jewels on display, the face of a Wookiee would complement them...

Electric Heated Fleece Travel Blanket

$24.99 from Amazon »

This past weekend I had a horrifying experience with the elements. It was 37 degrees outside, a veritable monsoon was falling from the sky, it was accompanied by gale force winds of at least 972 mph, and I was stuck in...

NOCQUA 2000 LED Light System

$399.99 from NOCQUA »

I bet slumbering sea life are gonna love getting a shot of over 1,000 lumens of light in the eye post nightfall. Seriously. It will help the ones who need to get up and take a leak find the bathroom. As for the rest...

Glass Top Ping Pong Table

Oh good, I was hoping someone would come up with a way for me to enjoy the excitement of a ping pong match from below. TravisMathew has developed this Glass Top Ping Pong table as a custom, made-to-order in the OC, price...

myType Foldable Bluetooth Keyboard

$49.99 from myType »

Another CES 2015 Dude Exclusives selection, the myType foldable keyboard is a wireless Tonto to your Lone...well, actually, the Bluetooth QWERTY companion will pair with all of your mobile devices, so I guess it's more...

AutoHome Roof Top Tents

$2,499 - $4,999 from AutoHome »

I was just thinking how awesome it would be if for once I could wake up on the roof of my car on purpose. Good lookin' out, AutoHome tents. The roof top--or truck bed--pop ups store flat overhead while driving, and then...

Hoverbike II - Aerofex Aerial ATV

$85k from Aerofex »

As if a Hoverbike Part I weren't mind-blowing enough, Manhattan Beach aerospace engineering firm Aerofex is tossing its own aerial ATV prototype into the pool of flying bikes most recently filled by Australian fabricator...

Portable Balls - Glowing Nightlight

$54.99 from Amazon »

Great balls of...not fire at all, actually. The Boon GLO nightlight's removable glowing balls have no electrical components at all, so they alight without even getting warm, and won't break if dropped or tossed around...

Castle Murphy Bed

$3,500 from Etsy »

If I could ever afford to spend thousands of dollars on a custom-built castle whose drawbridge doubles as a Murphy bed, do you think I would buy it for my kid? Absolutely not. Partly because that fantastical fortress...

Electronic Neck Massager

$69.99 from Amazon »

Buying a specialized electronic neck massager is way cheaper than buying a whole electronic massage chair. And although I am sometimes tempted to tell my mama to go right ahead when she threatens to wring my neck just...

Vinotini Flip Glass

$14.99 from Uncommon Goods »

Alternating between martinis and wine all night sounds like a terrific way to avoid a hangover. Kind of like the rhythm method of birth control. So I guess Vinotini glassware is here to facilitate the efforts of people...

Stealth Bomber Electric Bike

For a while I thought electricity would be a passing fad like World of Warcraft and John Travolta (twice) but it seems only to be gaining popularity over time. Stealth's Bomber electric bike certainly makes a case for...

Compleat FoodSkin Flexible Lunchbox

$33 from Unikia »

Compleat's FoodSkin seems like a better idea than a Ziploc bag because your sandwich won't rip or fall apart as you stuff it inside or later try to yank it back out. And it seems like a better idea than saran wrap because...

Glass Darth Vader Cutting Board

$36 - $42 from Etsy »

Look at Vader, all done up glassy and classy-like on a cutting board. Surrounds by...what are those things surrounding the Dark Lord of the Sith, etched doilies? Blades, he breathes to the X-Wing knife block, I am your...

How to Archer

$11.17 from Amazon »

Did you just get turned down for yet another job at the town spy agency? Did the seamstress chortle when you brought in your new suit to be hemmed? Has it been a long...long...time since you've had sex? If you're entering...

Shower Surfer Neoprene Bath Caddy

$44.99 from ShowerSurfer.com »

Know what your shampoo needs? A wetsuit. The Shower Surfer is a neoprene shower and bath caddy that secures implements of hygiene without: 1) falling off your shower head pipe and smashing your foot; 2) rusting; and 3)...

Liquid Image EGO Action Camera

While it's somewhat depressing that the most action I get anymore is with a camera, at least the ones like Liquid Image's EGO are low maintenance, always up for adventure, and outfitted with a, ahem, versatile array of...

Pixelstick Light Painting System

$300 from Kickstarter »

Sometimes it's humbling when you enter into the domain of professionals and hobbyists who do things that both blow your mind and make you feel like a complete jackass for your inability to understand how they accomplish...