A Geek's Gift Guide of Gadgets, Gear and Novelties    * Updated daily

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Saturday, August 27, 2011
$28.38 from Amazon »

I've heard that a certain percentage of the time this stuff works every time. That's what I've heard. I'm not sure what those exact percentages are though. Oh, okay... I'm being told it's 60% of the time. Those are good odds....

Wednesday, August 21, 2013
$19.99 from ThinkGeek »

Do I believe in ghosts? Well, I believe something drank half of those empty Bud Light Lime bottles strewn across my living room floor because I couldn't have possibly blown through three 6-packs on my own. And before you say...

Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Discontinued

Digital passwords, encryption software, purity rings, and LDS allegiance all claim to guard the goods, but they don't physically lock them. Said goods are still vulnerable to breaches, negligence, or too many shots of tequila, any of which may irrevocably compromise the goods holder's identity, and shatter the smooth cadence of his or her life. The Crypteks USB drive is a chastity belt for the...

Wednesday, August 28, 2013
$56.39 from Amazon »

I just had a childhood flashback. My grandma totally owned and operated one of these hydro-flosser things. But it didn't connect to the shower head like Waterpik's handy Showerpik, it had a reservoir you had to fill, and I...

Saturday, January 21, 2012
$187.04 from Amazon »

Even though it's scaled to 1/20th of its original size, this historically accurate replica of Edward the First's response to the 1304 siege on his Stirling Castle could still probably catapult most of your neighbors' free-roaming...

Saturday, June 29, 2013
$23.44 - $40.62 from Etsy »

My Zombie Apocalypse plan is to collect things like hand grenades and hacksaws and tins of beans, and then collect them all in miniature charm versions to wear on a bracelet or necklace. Like, so I can show them off handily around town in case the Zombie Apocalypse never comes. I mean, I totally believe it will, because I am a man of faith, but it's kind of frustrating how I just keep accruing...

Monday, November 19, 2012
Discontinued

Why be the good guy or the bad guy when you can be both? The Batbane Mask, by Ministry of Masks, is a gnarly, handcrafted portmanteau word for the face. Batman fused with Bane fused with latex rubber. Does it get any better?...

Wednesday, April 17, 2013
$99.95 from Bass Egg »

I received a Bass Egg vibration speaker of my own yesterday, and although it looks more like an egg that has been cut in half with both pieces inverted and then fused back together than an egg freshly ejected by a hen (it...

Tuesday, April 9, 2013
$1.2 million from Hennessey »

Earning the title of World's Fastest Hypercar...available for consumer purchase...means hitting a top speed of 265.7 mph at the United States Naval Air Station Lemoore in Central California, and claiming to still have the...

Wednesday, October 10, 2012
$109.99 from GearUp »

"Crovel", like "spork", is a portmanteau word. It combines "Shovel" and "Crap! I'm gonna get impaled, sawed, and scooped all at once!" GearUp's latest in a respectable line of survival tools, the Crovel Tactical weighs only...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Discontinued

Back in July, New Orleans natives Trey DeArk and Terence Green ran a Kickstarter project for their slick reappropriation of the iPhone 4/4S' built-in LED camera flash and iOS' LED Flash Alerts called FLASHr. Now they're back...

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

I feel like the Treadwall--a rock wall on a treadmill-style conveyor belt--might be the ultimate example of something that appears to be really easy, but in practice makes 80% of its users look like complete assholes. Kind...

Wednesday, March 26, 2014
$9.50 - $17.64 from Amazon »

Egglings are kind of a weird mash of concepts. Like, an egg is supposed to be a womb for growth, but if you crack it before the growth cycle is complete you don't get life, you get breakfast. With this egg though, if you don't...

Friday, April 27, 2012
Discontinued

What's better than a girl wearing skin-sucking Lycra pants with legs smattered in Tetris blocks? A girl wearing no pants. With an ass smattered in Tetris blocks. Just in time for the heat, the beach, and the pubescent teenagers...

Monday, January 7, 2013
$49.99 from Amazon »

Why do people always diss Mark Wahlberg? He makes such quality movies with filthy-mouthed talking teddy bears. And from forth the cinematic masterpiece that was that Ted comes the the plush masterpiece that is this Ted. A...

Friday, April 19, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

One time when I was in New Orleans this voodoo lady tried to sell me some bath salts under the guise that they would enlarge my manhood if I soaked in them while listening to Prince's "Sexy MF", but I said, "No thank you...

Tuesday, November 15, 2011
By: Shapeways

Cobb's totem from the film Inception has ripped through the seams of fiction and is now available for purchase in stainless steel, glass, sandstone, and about a dozen other dreamy colors and materials. It spins 90 seconds...

Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Discontinued

The 3D Converter system extracts pertinent data from any video game and translates it into 3D format viewable on any 2D or 3D TV. Yep, Frogger in 3D on my 18" Sony from 2005. Now I know what all those elderly people at the...

Sunday, February 10, 2013

While being on the receiving end of a buzzing, pesky winged bug's attentions can prompt minor fits of rage, I feel like if I could control the insect, and make it evoke these sentiments and actions from those who are not me...

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Here's Gotham City burning slowly to the ground. And off-gassing oozy Penguin blood in the process. And a few doors down, the skyscrapers of the capital of Candy Land are suffering the same fate. Up in flames and melting into...

Wednesday, April 30, 2014
$15.37 - $24.29 from Amazon »

If your 6-pack of Bud needs a wetsuit, BUILT has it covered. Their neoprene bottle totes in black and cops'll-never-see-it camo safely transport glass-housed beverages, plus keep them cool for up to 4 hours....

Friday, January 10, 2014
$89.95 from Amazon »

The InaTrap Insect Killer won the 2012 Taiwan Excellence Award. I wonder if it was the sole champion. Like, if nothing else in the entirety of 2012 Taiwan was more excellent than a bug destroyer (with night light!) I hope...

Friday, March 23, 2012
$40 from Mantis Knives »

The Bottleneck butterfly knife: skin a deer, then pop a beer. Mantis Knives teamed up with fraternal duo Gavin and Grant Hawk a couple years ago to design a special blend of blade. The Bottleneck BK-3b is sized like a keychain...

Thursday, August 29, 2013
$100 from Wish.co.uk »

Simulate ZDay. Fight zombies. Know how Marty McFly felt when he walked down the streets of 1955. But you'll be even further back in time. You'll be in 1940, in the midst of WWII. Instead of fighting off your teenage mom's...

Thursday, April 18, 2013
$4 from Etsy »

I can't tell if these temporary tattoos are attractive or look like someone taped a doily to your eye, but I think girls will like them, so as a nod to girls, I'm going to award Man Nga Liu's makeup alternatives relatively...

Monday, March 19, 2012

McFly! I pity the fool who lives in the UK, and doesn't get Pussy Galore on the road in one of these famed vehicle replica rentals. Yeah, baby! From Back to the Future's DeLorean and the A-Team van, to James Bond cars and...

Saturday, July 14, 2012
$89.99 from Amazon »

OUYA creators Julie Uhrman and Yves Behar have said it best: There is nothing more gratifying than chillin' on the couch in Goodwill scrubs and a Nightwing hoodie, sipping on grape Fanta, and getting the news that the princess...

Friday, October 11, 2013
$27.49 from Amazon »

This black toilet paper looks like the streamers my mama used to hang up in our kitchen for Halloween or when someone died. I hope the two don't feel similar tidying up my nether regions....

Sunday, March 9, 2014
$10 from Amazon »

That's right, kid. You wanna play Here Comes the Airplane, you pilot that aircraft yourself. I'm sick of contemporary society's unbridled pandering to children. They have two hands. Why can't they feed themselves? Put on their...

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Here's a fun accident waiting to happen. Sorry about Grandma's porcelain ash urn, Mama! It's so hard to find Skee Ball machines outside of Chuck E Cheese's anymore. I guess they don't have the same bar-game allure as pool...

Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

Good news, Clark Griswolds of the world. If you don't have 7 hours to spend staple gunning 700,000 strands of lights to your house this year, you can still xenon-bomb Julia Louis-Dreyfus and her husband out of their midnight...

Friday, November 30, 2012
$175 - $525 from Etsy »

Tired of taking shots in the dark? Then how about a little bang! bang! that lights up the night? Ryan Weigner hand-finesses ceramics slipcast-style to create illuminating firearms in 9mm sconce and table, as well as AK-47...

Thursday, April 10, 2014
$28 from Amazon »

VinniBag is the answer to the call of Fra-gee-lay. Case in point: one time, back when I had a sugar mama, I went to Chilean wine country and while going through customs upon returning to my homeland I watched a dude pick up...

Monday, November 18, 2013
$31 - $66 from Sphyke »

Even if you're not an indignant, self-important cyclist with a $3,500 carbon fiber bike and a fat chip on your emaciated shoulder it really sucks when you lock up your manpowered transporter like a responsible citizen, only...

Thursday, January 23, 2014
$9.70 from Amazon »

From amidst the screams and chaos, the tension and the trash talk, the chili cheese dip and the chicken wings, a lone zombie hand breaks the surface. Rises up from the pooled blood of Mary. And what's this? Is it parading...

Sunday, February 3, 2013
$549 from Amazon »

I prefer to use my coffee table to play old school Nintendo, but I understand there are some out there even older school than I am who are more down with using theirs to play foosball. By the way, to those under the age of...

Saturday, December 21, 2013
$27.99 from Overstock.com »

Yo quiero three large divots carved out of my back so I can hold tacos for gringos. Meet Tito...and his twin brother Tito...a duo of chihuahuas eager to liven up your Taco Tuesday with their droll method of tortilla shell...

Monday, October 7, 2013
$9.99 from Hopson Kinetic »

OSM = Object for Spatial Manipulation = a kaleidoscopic sculpture made of disks = pronounced "awesome". No joke. "OSM" sounds out as "awesome" because its designers have astutely noticed that that's exactly what this endlessly...

Tuesday, June 19, 2012
$43.17 from Amazon »

Something tells me that 90% of the time someone buys a Giant Inflatable Penis Costume, it's to give to someone else. But what's wrong with wanting to walk around dressed as a 7-foot tall penis yourself? I mean, I act like...

Friday, May 11, 2012
$139 from Tokyo Flash »

And the best part is, no one will ever suspect it's a watch! The Kisai 7 LED watch is another trippy, limited edition Tokyoflash creation, with two rings and two L-bars of searing blue pronouncing the hours and minutes of...

Tuesday, May 27, 2014
$11.50 from Amazon »

Now everyone can engage in Ninja battles and perform the ol' sword down the throat trick. If you start choking during the latter, just calm down. The Samurice should melt quickly, both freeing up your air passageway and imparting...

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Club swingers...not to mention club chuckers and club smashers into the sides of golf carts...can all benefit from this SwingTIP and MobiCoach instruction combination. The SwingTIP, a Bluetooth-enabled motion sensor, attaches...

Monday, March 5, 2012
$90 from Shapeways »

Still wish you could put a face to the name? This visual interpretation of omniscient audio-lord of the iPhone, Siri, was SaGa Design's entry into the Siri Design competition, and can now be part of your iPhone cover collection--and...

Monday, September 19, 2011
$100 from Hobby Search »

Everyone knows that Japanese people are out of their fucking minds a little bit eccentric when it comes to... everything, but that's why we love them. This streaking flashing banana, I think, captures that eccentricity pretty...

Sunday, November 18, 2012
$100.95 from Amazon »

Find out whose pants are on fire from the comfort of your own living room and USB port. The USB Polygraph for in-home use (read: barrels upon barrels of monkeys, particularly when anyone expected of cheating or doing other...

Monday, December 31, 2012
$19.63 from Amazon »

People who cannot read Japanese rejoice. Dark Horse Books and Nintendo have published an English version of The Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Historia, which is now available for pre-order. The Triforce unites and soars to the Western...

Friday, April 5, 2013
Discontinued

The lamp is a 1" black iron pipe and its fixture is a vintage recycled glass insulator and the Mario hovering above the decorative green pipe is the light pull! Sweeeeet! Mama! I need to borrow 199 dollars. And 35 cents. No...

Wednesday, October 3, 2012
$31.50 from Etsy »

Now that our taste for Dexter-flavored blood has been satiated, and Season 7 is in full swing, let's take a moment to review all of our favorite fictionalized serial kills. So in Season 1 there was that church choir master...

Monday, December 3, 2012
$9.18 from Amazon »

The definitive building block of food porn now has its own erotic cookbook. Fifty Shades of Bacon, about damn time. Right, ladies? 'Cause I know once you satiate your carnally voyeuristic instincts reading Fifty Shades of...

Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Sold Out from Etsy »

Let's preface this pimp of Danilo Buendia's Breaking Bad Blue Glass Meth Rock Candy with the obvious: rock candy is pretty easy to make oneself. Even Blue Glass rock candy. Certainly easier than Blue Glass meth, and probably...

Thursday, September 26, 2013
$23.99 from Amazon »

It's obvious what the Mangroomer is, so let's just cut to to the chase: what can this DIY back shaver do for you?...

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Monday, April 7, 2014
$5.99 from Amazon »

I drink all my wine on the rocks, so I don't really need a wine bottle thermometer, but if you're into the whole tradition and preservation and quality thing, maybe you'd like to slip this thermal readout cuff onto your favorite...

Sunday, July 8, 2012
$14.14 from Amazon »

It's possible that the Grilled Pizza Cone Set is just another culinary gimmick and general letdown in the spirit of the Slap Chop and Eggstractor, but holy balls nestled cool and dry in a pair of silk boxers do those pepperoni...

Monday, November 7, 2011
Discontinued

And finally, after more than 25 years, the long awaited update to the Commodore 64. This was my very first computer actually. My dad took me to NYC where he was shooting a commercial for a toy company. They had all of these...

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Usually if beef jerky burns as it travels down my throat it's because I bit off a fat hunk and didn't chew it enough and the burn is due to an oversized mass of dehydrated meat threatening to puncture my esophagus as it lumbers...

Monday, April 2, 2012

The Cybertecture Mirror allows us to gaze simultaneously upon the two things we like gazing upon best: the Internet and ourselves. A glass reflection of both beatific mugs, and streaming Web content, the futuristic mirror...

Monday, March 10, 2014
$12.99 - $45 from Etsy »

As some of you may know, tissues provide an alternative to blowing snot rockets or using your sleeve when you have clogged nostrils. Typically they are not worth seeking out, especially if doing so requires standing up or...

Friday, April 13, 2012
$850 - $1,500 from Etsy »

It's Friday the 13th. Do you feel the eeriness? The rumblings of misfortune and chaos? Look outside. Is there something strange in your neighborhood? Anything weird that don't look good? Well forget about the phone. There's...

Friday, April 5, 2013
Sold Out from Etsy »

Needle-felted Absolem, blue, hookah-sucking caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland, you look a little too real for me. If I got high I would definitely try to converse with and befriend you. I might do that even if I weren't...

Thursday, March 7, 2013
$11.15 from Amazon »

The Snuggie Sutra, Lex Friedman and Megan Morrison's how-to guide to fleecing up your sex life, brings 3 things to mind. 1) The lingering misery of winter. 2) March Madness. 3) Yam bags....

Monday, October 8, 2012
Discontinued

Richard Nagy, aka "Datamancer", specializes in handcrafted steampunk and retro-Victorian keyboards. His latest model, the Diviner, combines the two for an elegant assemblage of red mahogany woodwork and microchips. With matching...

Wednesday, January 15, 2014
$14.09 from Amazon »

Ideas? I have lots of them. At least 7 million. Like, how about a southern soul food sushi roll? Fill a steamed collard green leaf with mashed yams, tempura chicken, and some cranberry sauce. Then roll it, slice it, and serve...

Wednesday, February 15, 2012
$1,395 from Air Combat USA »

No matter how deep Tom Cruise sinks into Scientological insanity, or how pudgy and disconnected from reality Val Kilmer becomes, will there ever be a red blooded American male who wouldn't put a full nelson on the chance to...

Saturday, June 16, 2012
$175 from Etsy »

Cosplay, Comic-Con, even the swimming pool. Yes, this handwoven chainmail bikini top is waterproof and primed for a summer of splashing, floating, and breaststroking medieval style. All that's missing is the sea serpent raft...

Saturday, January 5, 2013
$13.95 from Amazon »

Omnio's WOW-Keys merges the PC/Mac world of full-size QWERTY with the iPhone. Type on the keyboard to input text into an iPhone, or to give commands to a computer from the iPhone. Or just use it as a standard desktop keyboard...

Thursday, April 25, 2013
$79.99 from ThinkGeek »

Do I want a 5-foot foam sword with a 45-inch blade and beaming blue LEDs? Uh, does Cartman want some Cheesy Poofs? More importantly, is a rhetorical question referencing South Park still culturally relevant?...

Saturday, April 7, 2012
$23.90 from Amazon »

Do you have a (glow-in-the-dark, searing lime) green thumb? Do you want one? We can't promise this bioluminescent mushroom habitat kit comes with brownie recipes and resultant rainbow vision, but even without the magical effects...

Monday, December 31, 2012
Discontinued

Bring the Nolanverse to your living room with a set of Dark Knight bookshelves. Made to order. Just beam your Bat-Signal into the sky and designer Fahmi Sani will get to work erecting a set of webbed-winged night stalkers...