HotLogic Lunchbox Oven

$39.95 from Amazon »

Previously we saw the Papilla, a USB-heated lunchbox for leftover and homemade dish reheating computer-side. It's pretty cool, but still lives only in concept so you can't buy one. However, if you're willing to swap USB...

Trigger Glow-in-the-Dark Knife Kit

$9.25 from Klecker Knives »

Klecker Knives gets the kids wielding folding lock-backs young. Their Trigger knife kit, edition glow-in-the dark, aspires to teach children ages 7 and up how to build their own pocket blade model. Now at first I wondered...

Magnetic Spot Scrubber

$9.96 from Amazon »

I don't know. Usually if I can't clean something because it's too narrow...or otherwise difficult to de-soil in any way whatsoever...I just throw it away and get a new one. Yeah right, you say? Well...yeah, you are right....

Lotus C-01 Motorcycle

By: Lotus »

The C-01 superbike: guts by Lotus, skin by Holzer, body by Tron. Lotus' new lightweight motorcycle represents a collaboration of people who know what the hell they're doing. The British auto company's limited edition...

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Super Mario Magic Billet Boxes

Giveaway: Super Mario Magic Billet Boxes

Stash your stash and stupefy untrained fingers Super Mario-style! Enter to win a set of Magic Billet Boxes fashioned after the legendary Nintendo bricks and ? blocks (a $240 value)!...

Fixed - App to Fight Parking Tickets

By: Fixed »

Those of you who follow the detailed accounts I provide of my illustrious life now know that I have racked up many hundreds of dollars in unpaid parking tickets. So many hundreds that you could technically upgrade the...

Victorian Star Wars Portraits

$499 from Kult »

The Star Wars boys give a pretty decent representation of Victorian times, huh? Jabba the Hutt almost looks dapper. Or at least less like the massive wart my friend Cornelius grew on the inside of his arm when he went...

Beer Koozie Shorts

$36.95 from BeerShorts »

Cold beers, cold thighs, elastic waist to accommodate the intake of fried things with your Buds and Coors, what more could you ask for in a pair of shorts? Beershorts' pair of built-in koozies not only eliminate the tedious...

Lock Pick Earrings

$34.99 from Etsy »

I don't know if I'd be more turned on by or afraid of a girl wearing lock pick earrings. I mean, if she knows how to use them, that's hot. But if she knows how to use them...uh...I mean I have like $1,200 in unpaid parking...

One-Egg Fry Pan

$8.99 from Amazon »

It would be better if it were in the shape of the toast I'm going to pile it on, and I also doubt my ability to flip an egg within such tight confines without losing part of it to my burner, but I still appreciate the...

Up - The Don't Slouch T-Shirt

$175 from Up Couture »

Up T-shirts award "dream posture" to both men and women with an integrated, flexible, extra-thin film woven into their fabrics at trigger points (shoulders, upper back) shown to encourage long spines, open chests, and...

Canned Dragon Meat

$13.46 from Amazon »

Canned Dragon Meat. It's like Canned Unicorn Meat, but from a slain dragon instead of a slain unicorn. It probably tastes a lot tougher, maybe a little charred, but since slaying a dragon is considered heroic and grounds...

DropLED Pro Indestructible Bulb

$99.95 from DropLED »

To confirm the accuracy of its name, someone subjected the DropLED Pro Harsh Duty Bulb to a few tests. 300 direct hits to a cinder block. Crushing under a forklift. Placing against the interior side of Drax the Destroyer's...

Gulpo - Car-Decal-Eating Decal

$12 from SMBC »

My Darwin fish eats your Jesus fish damns the pot-smoking jam band Phish fish. Orrr...my TRUTH ichthys consumes your Darwin decal. Presumably with love. And with Star Trek and Cthulhu fish as spectators. The Flying Spaghetti...

Emergency Underpants Dispenser

$7.48 from Amazon »

I don't need to tell you that an Emergency Underpants Dispenser is more than just a novelty gift. You know how many times you've laughed so hard you peed your pants. How often you've unexpectedly encountered a large barking...

Jade Monk Turbo Green Tea

Sold Out from Amazon »

Jade Monk's demonic-looking Japanese spirit animals would like to offer you a "tremendously refreshing" pouch of powder containing 7 cups of green tea nutrients and enough caffeine to turbocharge your mind and body for...

Blaze Laserlight for Cyclists

$200 from Blaze »

Look cyclists, it's a little green you. A constant companion on the road who will never fall behind or drop you, and who will do everything he can to save you from getting rammed, flipped, T-boned, or sideswiped by a...

Portable Solar Oven

$119.99 from Amazon »

I've been looking for an oven I can carry around like a ladies' purse. And this one looks like the contraption my grandma used to use to get a suntan, so it even has some nostalgia built into it. Sunflair's portable solar...

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The Privacy Pillow

$29.95 from Amazon »

Sure the Privacy Pillow can store your cash, jewelry, passports, and mint condition first edition Star Wars action figures. Orrrr it can store other types of valuables. Types of which you may find yourself in sudden and...

Echo1 M134 Airsoft Machine Gun

$3,899.99 from Airsplat »

390 FPS, 21-1/2" long barrel, 13-1/2" short barrel, 1,700-round magazine capacity...I don't think I'd even shoot my friend Cornelius in the ass with one of these things to try to get on Tosh.0. The Echo1 M134 MiniGun...

FIN - Numeric Keypad & Gesture Interface Ring

$99 - $169 from Fin »

FIN is a thumb ring. It's way less intimidating than a pinky ring, but if intimidation isn't your primary motive, FIN can do several hi-tech, gadgety things, some of which you may find even more useful than making the...

Couchmaid Table Top

$49.99 from Amazon »

The only thing that could improve the experience of sinking my ass into a couch would be being able to set my sodie and plate of waffle fries down right next to me. Like, immediately adjacent to my sunken ass. This would...

Bathroom Mirror Defogger

$59.99 from Amazon »

Fogged mirrors! I can't groom my facial hair or Dep Gel my head for, like, 8-1/2 minutes after emerging from the shower unless I stand there like an a-hole blowing my mama's hairdryer on it. Towels: do not work. Squeegees:...

Dog Powered Scooter

$250 - $900 from Dog Powered Scooter »

Oh good, dog sledding is now available for suburbia in July. It's a Dog. Powered. Scooter. For canine exercise? Sure. To enhance mobility of the elderly? Sounds good. So that I can be the one guy in town who travels by...

Movies R Fun: Iconic Scenes as Children's Art

$9.25 from Amazon »

Josh Cooley's book Movies R Fun: A Collection of Cinematic Classics for the Pre-(Film) School Cinephile takes iconic and cult (mostly) R-rated movie scenes as inspiration for artwork styled after children's storybooks....

USS Enterprise Ring

$595 - $3,890 from Etsy »

A USS Enterprise engagement ring is what happens when true love collides with the reluctant decision to propose to some chick. As a male with a basic appreciation for the Star Trek TV series and movies, plus a deep respect...

Geek Wisdom

$12.26 from Amazon »

Stereotypically, they're awkward. Unathletic. Unpopular. Nasally. Know-it-alls who got no game. In reality, they run the world. And maybe a lot of the 21st century's geeks still do possess some of the qualities of those...

Tonguespank Spices

Under normal circumstances, my tongue wouldn't be the first place I'd pick to be spanked. But seeing as Tonguespank Spices are coating their lashings in flavors like Garlic Grappa and Scorpion Bourbon, I guess I'd be...

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Solid Gray Hardshell Backpack

Giveaway: Solid Gray Hardshell Backpack

Become a futuristic Ninja Turtle and protect your precious gear! Enter to win a foam-lined hardshell backpack from Solid Gray (a $190 value)!...

Waterwolf MXP 3 - Waveless Surfboard

$8,050 - $10,350 from Waterwolf »

Surfing without the waves. Stand up paddle boarding without the work. Water skiing without the boat. Waterwolf's MXP 3 is an electric surfboard designed to torch through the lazy waters of lakes, bays, bayous, deltas...

Handmaster Hand Exerciser

$15.95 from Amazon »

It's not the first thing that comes to mind when I think of a Handmaster, but I dig what this banded ball brand of Handmaster has to offer too. Strengthening both the gripping and the expanding muscles of the fingers...

Pool Bedsheets

$80 from Snurk »

Not much of a lake snoozer? How about sleeping in a swimming pool? Snurk's pool bedsheets add a second option to spending the night enveloped in a large body of water without drowning. Fun! Trippy! Still horrendously...

Robocup

$21.79 from Firebox.com »

Dead or alive, you're coming with me. Robocop might drag you kicking and screaming out of bed in the morning like a big douchebag, but Robocup plays the good cop. He combats your fatigue and eases you into the harsh day...

Raunchy Wrapping Paper (NSFW)

$6.19 - $7.69 from Amazon »

Raunchy Wrap R-rated wrapping paper reminds me of something my lyrical hero Ludacris once said during his guest vocals on Usher's smash hit dance track "Yeah": "I want a lady in the street, but a freak in the bed." This...

USU Parking Spot Storage Unit

$1,999 - $2,198 from USU »

The Urban Storage Unit, or USU (pronounced "oooh-sue"), provides up to 1,000 pounds worth of additional storage for people with assigned parking spots in apartment and condominium complexes. Uh, high-end apartment and...

Black Playing Cards

$12.95 from Amazon »

Black like my ex's heart, and black like the magic I'm going to use to make her rue the day she left me crushed and dejected inside a four square. Anyone who wants to know what's wrong with me, here's your answer: 1)...

BottleLight

$15 from SUCK UK »

BottleLights are USB-rechargeable LED bulbs that make glass bottles glow all moody and sensual. Basically they achieve the same It's time for sexy time effect as candles without the associated fire risks. Designed by...

Rent-a-Rebound - Post-Breakup Virtual Sweetheart

$500 from Wish.co.uk »

Happy Valentine's Day. Unless you're single and lonely. Especially unless you're single and lonely because you just got dumped. But cheer up, minced-hearted Charlies, I've got even better tidings for you. Tidings, dare...

Soft Claws for Cats - Anti-Scratching Aid

$9.99 - $15.02 from Amazon »

Listen, I approve of anything that will prevent a cat from slashing up my face just because I had the nerve to pet it after it came and laid down on my head. But I feel like some crazy cat people...well, let's call them...

Plate Dip Clips

Sold Out from Amazon »

Plate Dip Clips attach to plates and hold dip. So it won't bleed all over your food before you're ready for it, or nuzzle up to items it isn't meant to touch, or run amok on the flat plate surface and become more of a...

The Dash - Wireless Smart Earphones

$199 - $239 from Bragi »

The Dash is a set of wireless in-ear headphones. It's also a self-contained MP3 player. And a Bluetooth headset. A microphone. A USB stick. A heart rate monitor, fitness tracker, sports watch. It has the capabilities...

Aqueduck Faucet Extender

$9.36 from Amazon »

The Aqueduck. Is it a faucet extender for kids who can't quite reach the fixture, or a faucet extender for men like me who crack their teeth on the spigot each time they try to get a drink after taking a leak in the middle...

The Map of Zombies

What they lack in intelligence they make up for in contributions to the entertainment industry. Jason Thompson's Map of Zombies (complete, hi-res version here) traces and visually depicts by physical characteristics...

Underwater Torch

$5.43 from Amazon »

Oh hello Cthulhu. I almost didn't see you there before I turned on my flashlight. Well, technically LED underwater torch. TOMTOP made it 100% waterproof and effective at illuminating up to 25 meters of ocean pathway....

Barocook Flameless Cooker

$39.99 from Amazon »

What kind of mad Japanese scientist concoction is in these Baropacks that makes them boil water with no supplemental heating element? No fire, no gas, no electricity, not even the sun. Now I can make spaghetti & meatballs...

Dragon Rings

$2,249 - $4,259 from Etsy »

Holy Daenerys Mother of Dragons. If I ever propose marriage, or more likely if I ever need to bribe a girl, a ring whose gem is mounted on fire-breathing beasts of fantasy is definitely the one I'm using to do it. ArtMasters...

Firearm-Mounted Axe Heads

$110 - $120 from Melee Mods »

Since The Walking Dead started again, I've been thinking I need a new zombie-decimating weapon for use in my daydreams about stuffing them with bullets and hacking off their heads. Melee Mods' Tact-Axe and Gatchet should...

Tool Chess Set

$245 from Etsy »

Stereotypes collide in this brainy game meets brawny hardware Tool Chess set. Each piece has been handcrafted from real nuts and bolts, plus additional steel flourishes to distinguish powder coated black and white pawns...

Neurocam - Brainwave-Based Camera

According to Forbes magazine, 2014 is bringing back tight-rolled jeans headgear. Thankfully, most of it won't connect to braces or interfere with beer consumption like Joan Cusack's in Sixteen Candles, but much will look...

Breville Crispy Crust Pizza Maker

$184.49 from Amazon »

Breville says it will do for pizza lovers what cooking meth does for ailing chemistry teachers: bring home the dough. The Crispy Crust Stone Baked Pizza Maker aims to deliver brick oven pie quality without the bricks....

The Batman Collection

$30 - $100 from Black Milk Clothing »

Black Milk Clothing's Batman Collection has a Batsuit for every type of crime a girl could want to fight. For example, not looking hot. Or not showing enough leg. Not showing enough cleavage. Not wearing a belted Bat-Signal...

Rekindle Regenerating Candlestick

While I would prefer a wax color more masculine than pink, I--What? Pink is the color of unconditional love and nurturing? Oh. OK, Mama.--I guess my mama likes pink. Yep.... Working from home today.... Anyway, I applaud...

Star Trek Cycling Jersey

$49.95 - $79.99 from Amazon »

Wear this Star Trek-inspired jersey while cycling and you'll be tele-biking to work to save gas instead of actual biking to work and possibly getting taken out by a car to save gas. Just kidding....

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foc.us tDCS Headset for Gamers

Giveaway: foc.us tDCS Headset for Gamers

By: foc.us »

Enter to win the foc.us, a brand new transcranial direct current stimulation (tDCS) headset. Designed to increase brain plasticity and make synapses fire faster, foc.us aims to whittle gamers' minds into impenetrable...

Tango Super PC

$399 - $589 from Tango »

Strong as a lion, small as a mouse. The Tango PC functions as powerfully and dynamically as a desktop at work, and then slips into your front pocket so you can head over to your friend Corenelius' house and unleash an...

Beastie Bar Deep Tissue Massager

$59.95 from Amazon »

They term the type of massage RumbleRoller's Beastie Bar delivers "aggressive." I think you could also call it "penetrating," "effectively deep," and "more painful than a head-butt in the hamstring from a unicorn." Look...

Bounty Hunter Metal Detector

$90.33 from Amazon »

One Bounty Hunter metal detector packed and ready to head to Ft. Lauderdale with me next week. I plan to use the gold teeth I find to fund a down payment on the Bitcoin mining operation I'm working on setting up in Detroit....

TIHK - Tiny Inconspicuous Handcuff Key

$12.99 - $36.99 from Amazon »

The Tiny Inconspicuous Handcuff Key is intended for use by trained law enforcement, military, and security professionals only. However, TIHK will sell a pair of them to anyone with a credit card and $13. Because that...

Bubble Tank

$569 from GNR 8 »

The Bubble Tank is a nice piece of art I'd like to fill with rocks and small fish and sit on my shelf. In part. In another part it looks like a giant tumor, which alludes to the one probably growing inside me from all...

Iridium Go Global Hotspot

A reliable satellite connection for voice and data communications anywhere in the world. 5,000 feet in the air. 500 miles offshore. Probably even in a box en route to Abu Dhabi, though that hasn't been confirmed as definite...

Darth Vader and Son Figures

$149.99 from Gentle Giant »

Ahhh, Darth Vader and Son. The must-have storybook for all dads forced to read their sons storybooks. Jeffrey Brown's re-envisioning of the Star Wars mythos speculates on how a galaxy far, far away might have looked if...

Deep Tea Diver Tea Strainer

Sold Out from Amazon »

My friend Esteban lives on a boat and at the end of the summer every year he hires a diver to scrounge around the water at the bottom of his slip to try to recover the myriad items he and his friends drop over the side...

Mountain Horse Dirt Bike Snow Kits

$5,200 - $6,500 from Timbersled »

Timbersled does for dirt bikes what Track N Go does for trucks. Except I think Timbersled's intent is less to enable safe passage, work, and rescue operations during inclement weather than to enable sick motocross races...

Shot Straws

$19.99 from Shot Straws »

First off, let me say that I do not advocate taking shots through a Shot Straw. I advocate taking shots like a real man. However, if the memory of particularly rough night with Minnesotan twins, a ZZ Top fan club, and...

Big Lebowski Dude Rug

$800 from Etsy »

Talk about tying a room together. Etsy shop owner Allie, self-described hoarder and clearcut winner of Best Latch-Hooker on Earth*, spent over 220 hours immortalizing The Dude in dream sequence rug form. Urinate on this...

Painted Furniture

$2,499 - $3,499 from GNR 8 »

Whoa. That chick just sat in a painting. Can we do that now? How about comics? Is it going to be like Cool World soon? Tokyo-based design studio YOY developed this series of wicked optical illusions whose true nature...