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Kelty Ascender 22 Modular Luggage

Giveaway: Kelty Ascender 22 Modular Luggage

By: Kelty »

Last summer, outdoor commandos Kelty introduced the Ascender series of luggage. Their Ascender 22, a modular traveler's and backpacker's bag with detachable chassis, expands from a 40-liter carry-on size to a 55-liter...

Android RK3188 Mini PC

$79 from Amazon »

I like it when the computer costs only about 2.5 times more than the keyboard they recommend to go with it. The latest in Android's line of mini PCs, the RK3188 serves as an upgrade to the platform's RK3066 model. One...

Srirachup - Sriracha Ketchup

$30 from Sosu Sauces »

I told them this is what would happen if they let the roosters near the tomatoes. The cocks just can't keep it to themselves. And now we have this bastard child. This atrocious, humiliating...awesome-sounding, mouthwatering...

4D Vision Anatomy Models

$23.92 from Amazon »

Not so scary when you're splayed across my coffee table in 20 detachable organs and body parts, are you Jaws? Ow! F- OK, fine. Teeth still sharp in 13" long 4D model. Shark still mildly intimidating....

ASUS Chromebox Desktop

$199 from Amazon »

With Google's golden child fingerprints all over it, the ASUS Chromebox desktop will surely prove handsomer and smarter and better in every way than any other Web PC that tries to catch your eye. On the surface, it definitely...

Support the Troops Car Decal

Sold Out from Amazon »

Ten cents from every one of these Support the Troops car decals sold will go toward building the next Death Star. Good news for members of the Dark Side. A terrible blow, though, to Jedis and Rebel supporters. Who's going...

Horizontal Shoe Rack

$79.95 from Amazon »

Even though J-Me's horizontal shoe rack doesn't save much more space or prove to be all that different in practice than a normal shelving unit for shoes, I find it's effect exponentially cooler. On its own, the simple...

Survival Seed Vault

$29.95 from Amazon »

It's almost spring! Only...I don't know, however many days until the first day of spring...days away. What am I, a meteorologist? I'm 80% sure it happens sometime this month. And that means it's time to plant your garden....

Marinade-Infusing Meat Tenderizer

You can make all the tender meat jokes you want, but when it comes down to it, you know you like tender meat. I like tender meat. Tender and infused with flavor. Mmmmmm....

Your Face Stamp

$65 - $100 from Stamp Yo Face! »

Haha, all dudes in a relationship are about to get the gift of a rubber couples' stamp. Every envelope, every paper lunch sack, every note to empty the dishwasher and fix the toilet and change the filter in the air conditioner...

Rail-Mounted Pepper Spray

$99 - $249 from Pro-Defense »

Designed originally for law enforcement and military use, Pro-Defense calls their F4 Tactical rail-mounted pepper spray the non-lethal alternative. Which I take to mean getting hit by a solid stream of it is still going...

Liquid-Armor - Nano Tech Screen Protector

$69.99 from Amazon »

If Dynaflo's Liquid-Armor works, here's some happy news for people whose screens ever have unhappy run-ins with keys, rain, and dust particulates. Packaged in a 10 mL bottle (about 50 sprays), Liquid-Armor applies to...

Ring - The Shortcut to Everything

$149.99 from Amazon »

Like FIN, Ring is a wearable input device controlled by gestures and finger movement. Unlike FIN, Ring picked a name inextricably bound to JRR Tolkien and an iconic, highly complimentary line about ruling them all, so...

Horse Head Pillow

$45 from Kropserkel »

One-upping the severed horse head pillowcase: Kropserkel's severed Horse Head Pillow. It's morbid, yet surprisingly plush and comfortable, revenge in 3D! Send one to the vegetarian who always launches into a lecture about...

Star Trek Spock Socks

$9.49 from Amazon »

When I was little Mr. Spock and Dr. Spock were names thrown around on TV and in my household with equal regularity, so for years I thought they were the same person. It seemed only mildly strange that a pointy-eared human-vulcan...

SwingSmart Golf Swing Analyzer

$249.95 from Amazon »

NewSpin Golf hopes their SwingSmart Duo will continue to be a standout amongst the bevy of golf swing analyzers and digital coaches that have emerged with mobile tech and apps. The self-training system pairs a swing sensor...

Diamond Armor - $3.2 Million Bulletproof Suit

$3.2 million from SuitArt »

At $3.2 million, Swiss fashion house SuitArt's Diamond Armor has nabbed the title of Most Expensive Suit in the World. The current title. I will obliterate it next month when I debut my Diamond & Adamantium Armor for...

Pandito Balaclava

$45 from Etsy »

Panda bears have a notoriously low sex drive in captivity. Some of them don't even seem to know how to do it. Zookeepers must spend countless hours showing pandas bear porn and demo videos to light the fire below their...

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45 Caliber Gun Key Blank

$2.25 from Amazon »

Sold as a blank, Schlage Lock Company's 45 caliber pistol key cuts to fully loaded and ready to fire up the car, blast open the front door, or shoot up the lid to the porn stash and secret cell phone your wife believes...

Body Mint Internal Deodorant Pills

$22.30 from Amazon »

I can't guarantee you'll get laid if you don't smell like a cesspool of bacteria and last night's broccoli & Cheez Whiz casserole, but I can guarantee you won't get laid if you do. My point: you're better off not smelling...

The World's Fastest Amphibious Car

While I'd settle for the World's Second Fastest Amphibious Car...or any amphibious car my mama's up for purchasing...the World's Fastest Amphibious Car is definitely my #1 choice. This beauty earns its title, and its...

GoBe Automatic Calorie Intake Tracker

$125 from Healbe »

Healbe calls its GoBe wristband a 100% automatic body manager. Like the scads of other fitness trackers available and forthcoming today, this means it detects and provides feedback on biometrics such as heart rate, blood...

Hands-Free Magnetic Light

$5.97 from Amazon »

That Striker Hand Tools' hands-free Magnetic Light Mine looks like an Everlasting Gobstopper is just the cherry on top of this cherry-sized task light. For illumination in tight spaces during repairs, tinkering, and upgrades...

Beast Tissue Dispensers

$12.99 - $45 from Etsy »

As some of you may know, tissues provide an alternative to blowing snot rockets or using your sleeve when you have clogged nostrils. Typically they are not worth seeking out, especially if doing so requires standing up...

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32 GB iPad Mini with Retina Display

Giveaway: 32 GB iPad Mini with Retina Display

Seven-point-nine inches. It's a respectable length in some areas of life. In the tablet world though, 7.9" is a Mini. And more than respectable. By many, Mini is coveted. If you're one of the covetous, click here and...

The Game of Thrones Collection

$40 - $110 from Black Milk Clothing »

The start of Season 4 may still be a few weeks away, but Black Milk's Game of Thrones clothing collection drops in mere hours. Houses Stark, Lannister, Targaryen, and Baratheon represent in an array of nakedness shields...

Air Fork One

$10 from Amazon »

That's right, kid. You wanna play Here Comes the Airplane, you pilot that aircraft yourself. I'm sick of contemporary society's unbridled pandering to children. They have two hands. Why can't they feed themselves? Put...

Mass Effect N7 Leather Jacket

$475 from BioWare »

You can now have Commander Shepard's N7 leather jacket in 100% Italian lambskin, modeled after the European racing style, and manufactured for BioWare by the same company that makes leather coats for Ferrari. That is...

Tauntaun Hoodie

$59.99 - $64.99 from Amazon »

Defining characteristics of Hoth's tauntauns include a 4-pack of nostrils and a foul body odor. So. Who wants to wear a tauntaun zip-up hoodie? Stamped on the inside by a tauntaun intestines lining? On the upshot, I hear...

The Miracle Machine - Home Winemaker

What we are looking at here is either a bit of a hyperbole or the wine version of that lady who tamed Helen Keller and taught her to communicate. It's called the Miracle Machine. It asserts itself as the world's first...

TARDIS Backpack

Discontinued

Imagine how much stuff you could cram inside a TARDIS backpack. A laptop, a tablet, and an entire XBox. Enough gear and clothing for a 2-week backpacking trip through Nepal. At least 4 cases of beer plus, like, 20 pounds...

Wooden Tie

$42.99 from Amazon »

Yes ma'am, my necktie is made of solid wood. And it just so happens it's pointing to something else that is made of solid wood, if you know what I mean. So why don't we--wait! Don't flip your hair and walk off in a huff!...

Abacus Chair

Discontinued

"Dare to adorn your suit with flowers and then laugh all summer!" I'm not sure what that piece of advice has to do with an abacus chair...or that listening to it won't get you beat up immediately...but it stands as Ieva...

Real Human Skull Art

$2,995 - $3,200 from Zane Wylie »

When Zane Wylie was 5 his mom gave him a canister of Play-Doh and Zane Wylie ate it. When Zane Wylie was 8 his mom gave him a pack of colored pencils and a spiral sketch book and Zane Wylie traded the pencils for a couple...

Bacon Scent-Emitting Alarm

"The essence of Oscar Mayer bacon will strum at your nostril strings like no other." While the Oscar Mayer brand has never been my first choice at the pork candy store, it will definitely be my first choice at the scent-emitting...

4D Cityscape Puzzles

$24.99 - $46.42 from Amazon »

The 4th dimension is time. 4D puzzles of famous skylines--including Westeros from Game of Thrones!--sprawl width- and lengthwise, rise vertically with scale-model buildings, and cap their dimensional empire with the axis...

Spare Tire BBQ Grill

$125 from Front Runner »

The Front Runner Spare Tire BBQ Grill: For roadkill feasts wherever you may roam....

Good Grips 3-in-1 Egg Separator

$4.99 from Amazon »

I am the grandaddy master of the universe at separating eggs. If I do say so myself. I spent several hours learning how to perform this act of culinary prowess in 5th grade and...it's like riding a bike. I've never looked...

The Kraken Umbrella

What I like about this Kraken umbrella is the inside, which features a giant Kraken. What I like significantly less about this Kraken umbrella is the outside, which features a mess of curlicued, doily-looking sea life...

Lightpack - Ambient Backlight for Displays

$119 from Lightpack »

Initially I thought Lightpack was meant to be some sort of aesthetic enhancement for the media screens of gamers and ravers and I was like, Whatever, if I want to see a rainbow light show from my couch, I'll just get...

Star Wars Sunshade

$14.99 from Amazon »

Would it be too much of a conflict of interest to get a Star Wars sunshade featuring the Millennium Falcon crew for my windshield if I already have Darth Vader floor mats installed? I mean, on the one hand they're going...

Coco Jack Coconut Cracking Tools

$42 - $102 from Coco Jack »

I don't always crack open coconuts, but when I do...I usually require stitches, lose the use of my left thumb for several days, and get my mouthed washed out with soap by my mama. Coco Jack, a stainless steel push-and-pry...

Nightstand Dog House

$499.95 - $599.95 from Hammacher Schlemmer »

This nightstand with a built-in dog house looks swell until you see it with the dog closed inside. Then it looks like a solitary confinement chamber used for enemy spies. And even if your dog chews and pees on things...

Your Stick Figure Family Was Delicious Decal

$2.95 from Amazon »

The problem with free speech is that it makes everyone think it's OK for them to say something. For our forefathers, free speech meant frank debates and sweeping public addresses. Today it means Facebook tirades, anonymous...

Harley Quinn Hoodie

$99.99 from Etsy »

Gee boss, you really know how to put the fun in funeral. DC Universe supervillain Harley Quinn serves as the inspiration for another Geeky U reimagination of the hoodie. (Previous take: Link from The Legend of Zelda.)...

Kangoo Jumps Anti-Gravity Fitness Boots

$179 - $299 from Amazon »

Originally developed by a doctor for rehab patients with knee, hip, and back injuries, Kangoo Jump anti-gravity boots provide former runners with an option for continuing their cardiovascular torture of choice nearly...

Horse Head Squirrel Feeder

$13.01 from Amazon »

We've seen dudes with horse head masks and we've seen squirrels with big head feeders, so to complete the triangle of masks and garden critter nourishment, Archie McPhee obviously had to create a Horse Head Squirrel Feeder....

Buzzy Pain Blocker

$39.95 from Amazon »

Buzzy helps relieve the pain of shots, lab draws, bee stings, burns, burning medicines, Band-Aid rip-offs, and tattoos. Tattoos? Really? I mean, I can get behind a vibrating ice pack fashioned in the likeness of a bumblebee...

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Hacker Stickers Covert Ops Bundle

Giveaway: Hacker Stickers Covert Ops Bundle

Become a master of stealth and intrigue...or just drive your co-workers nuts and gain illicit access to the rooftop of your office building. Enter to win a bundle of budding spy and covert ops gear from Hacker Stickers...

Snore Activated Nudging Pillow

$149.95 from Hammacher Schlemmer »

This pillow saves the person sleeping next to you the trouble of "inadvertently" delivering an elbow to the ribs when you're snoring louder than a wounded bull. How? First it detects these disturbances of the peace with...

Airsoft Grenade Launcher

Sold Out from Amazon »

Maybe you'd rather your 6-pack attack come from the real one--the M-32 multiple grenade launcher Mach Machowicz once demoed on Future Weapons--but you'll probably get yourself into a lot less trouble with the po and your...

Aim - Body Composition & Muscle Analyzer

$149 - $199.99 from Skulpt »
What is the Skulpt Aim?

The Skulpt Aim analyzes body composition. Unlike a typical stand-up body fat scale, or even the more accurate method of submerging yourself in a tub of water for body fat testing, Aim measures...

Blend and Cook Soup Maker

$169.97 from Amazon »

The Dump & Punch. That's a better name than Blend and Cook for Cuisinart's soup-making blender. Because if their literature is to be trusted, all I'd need do to enjoy a vat of steaming cream of tomato is dump in some...

Lightsaber BBQ Tongs

$33.50 from The Fowndry »

The battle is in full-swing. It's Humans vs. Winter. The prize: Grilling Season. What weapon will you use to fight your way past the blustery cold and through the trenches piled with snow? I choose lightsaber. Because...

GORUCK Gym Bags

$75 - $95 from GORUCK »

GORUCK makes this pair of military-grade gym bags from 1000 D ballistic or double-layered CORDURA. As far as I can tell, that means they're burly and water resistant, but will probably grow to smell like a combination...

Street-Legal Tumbler Batmobile

Discontinued

For a million bucks you'd think they could've gotten a couple shots of this replica Batman Tumbler somewhere nicer than a slab of cracked pavement with weeds growing up through it. And what are those in the background...

Mermaid Glass

$9.99 from Amazon »

I remember the first time I saw Daryl Hannah walking naked around the Statue of Liberty in Splash. I thought I would have an erection for the rest of my life. But then later in the movie, when she's mermaided out in the...

Classic Arcade Wristwatch

$49.99 from ThinkGeek »

Did you ever know a kid growing up who had, like, full-size Pac-Man and Mortal Kombat arcade games in his basement? You know, the "rich kid"? Boys would go over en masse for tournaments after school and his mom would...

Indoor Pressure Smoker

$179.95 from Amazon »

Emson Electric's indoor pressure smoker sears, cooks, and cold smokes up to 4 pounds of food at a time. Rrraawwrr! Dinner for 1 is served! In up to 70% less time than it would be if infused with the savory breath of a...

TARDIS Ring

$1,075 - $3,850 from Etsy »

This is a man's ring. And by "man" I mean...I have no idea what I mean. I've got respect for the Doctor and his ride and all, but a TARDIS ring the size of the average male's left nut even before you go inside? I think...

Doppelganger Humanoid Fleece

Leave it to Japan Trend Shop to extol the virtues of these Humanoid Fleeces--a "secret" second run of the onesies that sold out during their initial release, your ticket to looking like a superhero in a cult sci-fi movie--while...

Handle-Mount Grill Light

$49.99 from Amazon »

Seeing this handle-mount grill light reminds how much it blows when I leave the bar plastered at 2:30 a.m. and can't get a brat with sauerkraut and cream cheese from the hot dog vendor because he's out or has refused...

Mini Museum - Portable Curiosities Collection

$99 - $239 from mini museum »

It's not an oompa loompa, but a portable plaque of specimens ranging from a thread of circa 350 BC Egyptian mummy wrap to a sliver of T-Rex tooth is still rad enough for me to whine, "Mama! I want a Mini Museum! I want...

Meat Seasoning Sticks

$14.69 from Amazon »

As all ladies who prefer older men know, nothing compares to well-seasoned meat. Particularly meat that has been infused with flavor from the inside. While rubs and marinades can slough off or lose their potency during...

Armatix Smart System for Firearms

Looks like James Bond and Data from The Goonies are finally making good on that collaboration they've been talking about. What we have here is a smartwatch-controlled pistol. A gun that will fire only if it is within...

FlyNano Single-Seat Seaplane

$48k from FlyNano »

Wetsuit recommended, pilot's license optional*. FlyNano Proto, an electric, single-seat amalgam of a seabird and a seaplane, took its maiden voyages in Summer 2012. Now the Finnish company is working to develop its first...