Arnold Total Recall Face Mask

$12.99 Etsy »

The Arnold Total Recall Face Mask: social distancing meets instant Halloween costume. Maybe wrap some painted paper towel tubes around the back of your head, and add aluminum foil caps to the ends that stick out past...

VITAE Glass Custom Bongs

BYOB. Where VITAE Glass is concerned, that's Build Your Own Bong. One look at the modern, architectural designs of VITAE's lab-grade borosilicate glass bases, percolators, and mouthpieces, and the smooth wood connector...

Star Wars The Mandalorian Monopoly

$45.79 Amazon »

Let the battle begin...over who gets to be Baby Yoda in the Star Wars The Mandalorian edition of Monopoly...

VZ Executive Dagger

$85 - $110 Amazon »

The VZ Executive Dagger pokes - stabs, thrusts, drives - through the custom gun grips populating the rest of the VZ Grips store to show off its own fine craftsmanship and beauty as a survival tool and weapon of self defense...

Artiphon Orba Musical Instrument

$100 MoMA »

Orba looper doompety doo / I've got a handheld soundbox for you / Orba MIDI doompety dee / Tap to make music immediately. Couldn't quite fit synthesizer in there, but the Artiphon Orba Musical Instrument is that too -...

Lost Souls Gothic Skull Glass-Topped Table

$299.70 Amazon »

Have you ever skulled a beer? The Lost Souls Gothic Skull Table has a roomy glass top ready and waiting for you to skull, what, at least a dozen of them. Go ahead, plunk them down on the ol' cranium. But...gently. And...

CoolDrift Versa - Cooling Headband for Better Sleep

Sold Out Amazon »

Got a hot head? The CoolDrift Versa wearable is here to give you a lobotomy and calm those steaming thoughts down. Er, wait, no. The CoolDrift Versa wearable is here to adjust and maintain your optimal body temperature...

UKIAH Tailgater Fire Pit Sound System

Discontinued

Pumpin' heat and beats. The UKIAH Tailgater series Music Fire Pits lights up your sound system and brings the tunes to your dancing flames with a self-contained, portable propane fire that ignites atop a rugged, battery-powered...

LEGO Batman 1989 Batwing

$289 Amazon »

The LEGO Batman 1989 Batwing isn't just a (bat-)signal of forthcoming LEGO fun, but of forthcoming nostalgic LEGO fun, with this nod to Tim Burton's take on the Batman franchise. And just in case the era of inspiration...

Morphsuits Infrared Camera Halloween Costume

$22.95 - $54.99 Amazon »

All the colors of the rainbow, plus an optional wiener, unite in the Morphsuits Infrared Camera Halloween Costume. Morphsuits is a brand of the spandex full-body (and head!) skinsuits that have become popular in the costume...

GRID Copper.ION Face Mask

$24.99 GRID »

Protection to the power of copper. The GRID Copper.ION Face Mask weaves real copper into the fibers of a sleek black mask contoured to wrap close and comfortable around your face. In addition to being an EPA-registered...

Bloody Zombie Door Decal

Sold Out Amazon »

The Bloody Zombie Door Decal is a "scary Halloween decoration" that, I must admit, is a pretty damn scary Halloween decoration. Like, if I were a meal or grocery delivery driver, I might refuse the dropoff to a house...

Kinetic Sand Kalm Zen Box for Adults

Sold Out Amazon »

The Kinetic Sand Kalm Zen Box is a more tactile take on the Japanese Zen Garden intended for adults who find it easier to relax, destress, think creatively, or not die of boredom when they are partaking in some sensory...

SafeTee - T-Shirt with Built-In Face Mask

$25 - $35 SafeTee »

The SafeTee is a T-Shirt with a built-in face mask that uses the comfort of a 100-year mainstay to help escort men, women, and especially kiddos heading to school into our New Normal...

E64: What Is This Thing?

$24.99 Amazon »

Welcome to Edition 64 of What Is This Thing?, my recurring visual riddle series consisting of one simple photo - see above - and one simple question: what is this thing?...

Baby Yoda Infant Costume

Discontinued

A baby doesn't typically melt my heart. Baby Yoda does it every single damn time I see him. And a baby dressed in a Baby Yoda infant costume? Well...I don't know that it makes me want to get a baby of my own, but if someone...

5' Inflatable Flying LED Dragon

$75 Amazon »

I know this 5' inflatable flying LED dragon is out now as a Halloween decoration, but, I mean, I'd hang one in my office for all year long. He's so fierce and handsome. He'd provide a really nice point of interest and...

Arm Wrestling Trainer

$17.95 - $17.99 Amazon »

Solo arm wrestling. Now there's a hobby I never knew I always needed. More importantly, an Arm Wrestling Trainer might be the perfect quarantine gift for a man...or woman...looking to beef up their hustling skills in...

Skiskates - Ice Skates for Ski Slopes

$329.90 Amazon »

To quote the great Lil John, To all Skiskate motherf**ker (motherf**ker!) all Skiskate hot damn (hot damn!) To all Skiskate mother- huh? That's not what he says, you say? Well. Bummer for Skiskates. I thought they had...

The Poop Knife

$19.95 Amazon »

The Poop Knife is here to help slice your most delightful doodoo delicacies with the deftness of a sushi chef. Mmmm, this shit's good...

2-in-1 Indoor Electric BBQ Grill & Hot Pot

$135.69 - $259 Amazon »

Sizzle, stew, and BBQ the way you like it, and at the precise moment your piehole is ready to devour it with this 2-in-1 electric grill and hot pot. Available with either single or double nonstick grill pans and a connected...

Modernist x Gravity Weighted Robe

$130 Gravity »

The outlook for my WFH winter just got a whole lot heavier. This Weighted Robe, a collaboration between Modernist and Gravity, brings the anxiety-easing, stress-relieving, deep touch pressure stimulation of the weighted...

Kung Fu Double Whips

$168.88 Amazon »

Presumably, everybody has gotten their fill of Kung Fu Fighting. So how about for the next song we try our hands at some Kung Fu Double Whipping?...

Penis Print Face Mask

$13 Amazon »

On the one hand the Penis Print Face Mask brings its wearers dangerously close to eating a dick. But in a wonderful twist of irony, the Penis Print Face Mask will also protect them from having to do it!...