Emoji Masks

$5 - $15 from Emoji Masks »

Only Emojis make it possible to text friends realistic piles of steaming poo, and only Emoji Masks make it acceptable to call them shitheads. Wearing one for costume parties gets two Thumbs Up and three Grin Emojis; wearing...

Norrom Freshwater Aquarium

$450 - $490 from Norrom »

Designed in Sweden, made in the UK. That's the crux of what Norrom feels sets its forthcoming aquarium apart from all the other fish cribs out there. Using contemporary techniques and tasteful aesthetics, the company's...

Mass Effect Clothing

$78 - $92 from Black Milk Clothing »

I know many of you are thinking it, so I'm just gonna put it on paper: the mass effect of Black Milk's Mass Effect body-hugging clothing collection is to effectively give every male fan of the video game series a massive...

Walther PPK Rubber Band Gun

$22.50 from Etsy »

The name's Band. James Band....

GoStak Twist n' Lock Storage Jars

$10.09 from Amazon »

The makers of the BlenderBottle protein shake shaker also have a way for obsessive athletes, bodybuilders, and dieters to portion out and schlep along their supplements and dry edibles. GoStaks are towers of individual...

Novelty Condom Cases

$9.99 from Amazon »

I don't know if these condom cases are for dudes or ladies, but I do know they're for condoms. Two big fat ones, according to their LA-based artist Jamila Starwater. She also calls them a "great ice-breaker and conversation...

Skirt Length Sluttiness Stockings

While these may not be the definitive measurement for exactly how a lady is feeling, they're certainly guaranteed to provoke some interesting conversation. From "demure" to "dangerous" the Leg's Talk stockings provide...

Spicy Subscriptions Adult Product Boxes (NSFW)

$19.95 - $29 from Spicy Subscriptions »

Gifting a lady a Spicy Subscription sexy time box for Valentine's Day is like giving her a treadmill in that her use of it will directly benefit you, but way better because there will be less lag time before you see the...

Darth Vader Toaster

$44.99 from Big Bad Toy Store »

Big Bad Toy Store says nothing--nothing!--about its forthcoming breakfast game changer, the Darth Vader Toaster, except this:...

Motorola Moto Hint Wireless Earbuds

$149.99 from Motorola »

The Walnut Moto Hint earbud looks like my mama's dining room table. And the Bamboo one like the living room floor. Black Leather desk chair. Dark Fabric foot stool. Thanks to Motorola, I'll soon be walking and talking...

Wave Drink Siphon

$12 from Shapeways »

I mean, I'm fine getting my own glass of SunnyD, but I guess if you really want to give me some of yours, alright. Go ahead and Wave it over....

HipShotDot - LED Gaming Sight

$14.99 from Amazon »

Know what your TV needs? A suction cup. Not sold? How about a suction cup housing an on-screen LED red dot sight attachment for gaming guns? The HipShotDot attaches via USB to video game consoles (or an external USB power...

Anki DRIVE - Real World Video Game

$149.99 from Anki »

Artificial intelligence and robotics, the virtual reality video game and the actual reality physical game, Anki and iOS: these are the parts of Anki DRIVE that make it a whole new experience in the gaming industry. A...

Pet Defender Stun Sticks

Arc Angel Industries' Pet Defenders are canes and walking sticks that double as inconspicuous stun guns. So that when you're out plastic baggying little Coco's numero dos to impress his (incredibly hot female that you...

Dragon Chess Set

$302.93 from Amazon »

Welp, judging by the bones fossilized in the platform uplifting this chess set's glass board, the biggest dragons have already been slain. Now all I gotta conquer are the baby fire breathers, and in all likelihood their...

TARDIS Wedding Ring

$1,100 - $3k from Etsy »

Doctor Who's magical, time-traveling police box is pervasive enough in pop culture to have inspired not just one, but two thousand-dollar-plus unique and artisan-crafted diamond rings. Probably more, really, but this...

Friendly Swede Eye Knife Grenade

Sold Out from Amazon »

It's the Friendly Swede! With sharp eye knife! The Friendly Swede has added a 2" stainless steel eye knife to its survival grenades. The small, yet practical kits each consist of a carabiner clipped to a knife's jutting...

The 357 Magnum Gun Hair Dryer

Sold Out from Etsy »

A real "blast" from the past. In a clever display of grooming irony, users shoot this vintage 357 Magnum Hair Dryer at their heads to avoid committing style suicide. We can see it now, the biggest public service campaign...

Arkham City Harley Quinn Costume

$40.62 from Amazon »

I wouldn't be a red-blooded American male if I didn't direct your attention to at least one sexy costume this Halloween. (Note to Ladies: My other qualities include strapping, sensitive, and available.) And since one...

Balloon Capsule Ride to the Edge of Earth

$75k from World View »

Lance Bass, your dreams of space travel may be alive yet. Presuming you'd be willing to settle for a hot air balloon ride at the edge of the earth instead of an actual interstellar sojourn. Arizona-based aerospace firm...

Dancing Water Speakers

$14.99 from Amazon »

Broadcast your beats to the world from your car with LED equalizer stickers, and broadcast your beats to your mama from the living room with these dancing water speakers. Don't worry, she'll love them. They'll remind...

The Man Tag

$195 - $215 from Boone Rings »

If Bruce Boone's Man Ring is too much Guido for your finger, have a look at his latest creation: the Man Tag. Incorporating all of its predecessor's multi-tool implements, plus a few more for acts of self-defense, the...

Stress Mushrooms

$9.50 from Firebox.com »

Uh, this one's for the ladies, I presume? Squishy mushrooms for smashing and stretching and gouging and batting against the wall. Combat stress by inflicting pain upon the Enokis. By making the Shitake feel as Shitake...

Cannabis Cold Brew Coffee

Two guesses as to which United State Mirth Provisions' cold-pressed coffee infused with locally-grown cannabis extract comes from. Hint: it's not Colorado....

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Solar-Heated Road Shower

Giveaway: Solar-Heated Road Shower

Spray down your gear, spray down yourself, or "accidentally" miss both and spray down that fine-looking young lady walking by your car in the white T-shirt. Enter to win a rack-mounted, solar-heated Road Shower from Eartheasy!...

Xenomorph Folding Knuckle Duster Ring

Sold Out from Etsy »

A xenomorph is a pretty good choice for a knuckle duster topper I think. According to Wikipedia, these types of Aliens, unlike many others pitted against humans in the sci-fi genre, "do not have a technological civilization...

Bubble Soccer Battle Balls

$320 from Amazon »

When I first saw these bubble soccer balls for sale I thought of the Human Slingshot. Of accidents waiting to happen. Of Darwin Awards. But apparently this is a sport that has been around Europe for a while, and is beginning...

Sloth Tea Infuser

$9.99 from Perpetual Kid »

Uh oh. Mr. Sloth dozed off with his ass hanging in a cup of boiling water. And, mmmm, in contrast to skunk ass, sloth ass smells amazing. Like peachberry jasmine sutra. Or is that tranquil strawberry dream?...

You Is Fine Bears

$17 - $49.99 from Love Is Lame »

Do you love her? Eh. Is she cute? Heh. She is way beyond cute, dude. Hot? HOT. Like... Hotter than Olivia Munn all tatted up and devouring a chili dog in a Xena costume? Uh.... Basically every time I see her all I can...

bottleLoft Magnetic Fridge Storage

Brian Conti, also responsible for Strong Like Bull Magnets, heads toward Magnet Magnate status with his bottleLoft. botteLoft strips are magnetic bottle holders that install on the ceiling of your refrigerator to keep...

The Stealth Pavillion

Dutch artist Paul Seger's Stealth Pavillion is an art installation and thematic exploration of heterotopia, the idea of anti-space within a expressed context. I know. I hate it too when people define a word that doesn't...

Zelda Engagement Chest & Rupee Ring Box

Discontinued

Will you be mine in holy nerd matrimony? In sickness (in which case I will give you some Red, Blue, or Green Potion) and in health (in which case I will guard your health bar with my Master Sword), in good Hyrulian times...

Big Big Body Wipes

$8.89 from Firebox.com »

Big Big Body Wipes are for those who have just taken a giant s...print. Through the mud. Or an enormous d...unk. In slimy water. The supersized wet naps cater to anyone who has messed himself in big, big way. Forget about...

Pure Smoke

$147 from Ellusionist »

More mysterious than how Pure Smoke works or what it's made of is why the spontaneous appearance of smoke is so cool. In other contexts, such as while baking, performing basic electrical upgrades, or 10 miles into your...

Crock-Pot BBQ Pit Slow Cooker

$81.25 from Amazon »

The worst part of the year is upon us: the end of summer. True, football is starting again and the children who have been littering up your house for the past 2 months will soon be heading back to school, but...winter...

Skycraft SD-1 - The $55,000 Airplane

$54,850 from Skycraft Airplanes »

Hey, here's a neat little toy for tooling around the friendly skies and hopefully not crashing when you come back down. Skycraft's SD-1 Minisport represents the first affordable consumer airplane (remember, as Einstein...

SOS Boxer Briefs with Condom Pocket

Nothing tells your date, I was pretty sure I'd get lucky tonight, like a sexy pair of boxer briefs. With a built-in condom pocket. Hidden with great metaphor behind a lifesaver stitched to the right thigh. Ah, the only...

OppoSuits

$99.95 - $109.95 from Amazon »

Why settle for becoming a walking eyesore from just the waist up? Sweaters now have some competition for the World's Tackiest title, courtesy of tailored male fashion. OppoSuits are...did you figure it out?...the opposite...

Giroptic 360cam

$499 from Giroptic »

French company Giroptic is now selling what it calls World's! First! true 360 HD camera. The easily transported, easily maneuverable, and easily dangle-able 360cam shoots real-time streaming video over WiFi, recorded...

Baby Up In This B*tch Car Decal

$5.99 from Amazon »

Step back, son, and give this minivan a wide berth. Because the soccer mom driving it: 1) is a terrible speed-up-slow-down-please-just-pick-a-lane driver; 2) keeps yelling at her 8-year-old to put the lid back on his...

Tiny Hardware Firewall & 1-Yr VPN Subscription

Smaller than a deck of cards! More robust than a Nordic ice hiker named Sven! Able to protect your most precious devices from unwanted connections that could lead to identity theft, surveillance, and tracking activities!...

Afterburner iPhone 6 Battery Case

$40 - $44 from DudeIWantThat.com »

Afterburner cases for iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus super-juice the devices with a 150% charge. Inserting your phone will transform it kind of like raising a sword to the sky transforms Prince Adam into He-Man. Except the...

The Avengers Desk

Totally awesome Avengers movie-themed hand crafted one of a kind piece of furniture art. Fully equipped with a set of "trick arrows" under glass to represent Hawkeye, and a "gamma chamber" with a heavy-duty door for...

Hydrapak Stash Water Bottle

$19.99 from Amazon »

Little punk water bottle. Thinking you can kick back and spread out all over the place. Like you got a first class ticket to ride in my pack. I've got news for you...you...you self-entitled piece of BPA-free plastic:...

Jamstick Wireless Smart Guitar

$199 from Zivix »

The Jamstik is a portable digital guitar that...someone appears to have confused for a zombie and hacked up into little pieces. But while the part of the instrument Zivix would now like to sell you is missing its body...

Tiny Monster 3500 Lumen Flashlight

$289.95 from Amazon »

They call it a flashlight, but turn on the handheld Tiny Monster, or TM26, from NiteCore and you might find the 3500 lumens it emits look more like a punch in the face from the sun. They say it's the world's smallest...

Nube Hammock Shelter

$275 - $410 from Sierra Madre »

The Jetsons-approved Nube [insert fancy French acute accent over the "e" and say "New-bay"] awards people who like to sleep outside with the benefits of a hammock: suspension, simplicity, motherly rocking; without the...

The Gift of Nothing

$59.34 from Amazon »

Merry Christmas to all! Especially my friend Cornelius, who is sulky this year on account of his girlfriend having dumped him at Thanksgiving! This breakup was, of course, the best Xmas gift I myself could have received...

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Structure 3D Sensor

Giveaway: Structure 3D Sensor

3D scanning. Instant measurements. Augmented reality. And mobility. Get them all when you enter to win a Structure 3D Sensor from Occipital! A $379 value!...

Inflatable Back Seat Mattress

$89.99 from Amazon »

If the car's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'. And even if the car is sitting completely still, please do not disturb because it probably means I am sleeping like a cherubic child of Zeus on my Fuloon inflatable back...

Portable Bug-Free Hammock

$90 from Amazon »

One thing that sucks about camping...no, the outdoors...no, life...is bugs. Really all bugs, but mostly mosquitoes and those godforsaken devil's minions of the insect world, no-see-ums. Those F'ers. They skulk around...

PowerPot Camping Cooker & Charger

Back to the Future II didn't manage to predict this bizarre technological feat of the 2010s: cooking and charging your phone with the same device. (Not to mention chilling, blending, and charging your phone with the same...

Kinkajou Bottle Cutter

$49.95 from Amazon »

Kinkajou. The word sounds like it applies to a precocious, yet cuddly, mammalian sidekick that sits on your shoulder and surreptitiously swipes peoples' two-bite brownies and tubes of lip gloss during walks through the...

Holiday Gift Guide: For the Eleventh Hour

Ye draggers of the gluteus maximus out there may not be relegated to--gasp!--leaving your house and buying holiday gifts in person just yet. Below we have accumulated a few non-sucky mail-order offerings that, at printing...

Liquipel - Waterproof Your iPhone

$59 from Liquipel »

As phones get smaller and smaller and cases for these tiny phones get bigger and bigger, we still have one threat to our precious 21st century life support. And that threat is water. H2O. The deadliest substance known...

The Batmobile Jr.

$65k from Epic Vehicles »

Motor trike. Until about 3 seconds ago that term seemingly would have referred to something incredibly lame, wouldn't it? Especially when used in tandem with descriptors such as "electric vehicle" and "eco-friendly"....

ZBand Silent Alarm Clock

$59.99 from Zband »

The Vibrating Ring Alarm Clock may still exist only in concept, but the ZBand, a vibrating bracelet alarm clock, is just a few steps away from silently and unobnoxiously rocking you awake without disturbing significant...

Paravelo Flying Bicycle

While I know my life would be forever changed had I XploreAir's flying bicycle, the Paravelo, during my fuming battles with city gridlocks and local Department of Transportation personnel who were almost certainly collectively...

The Chewbaccoat

$18 - $52 from Design By Humans »

While it is abundantly clear that this image of naked Princess Leia draped in the hide of Chewbacca is just an illustration, looking at it still stirs up the strangest mix of revulsion and horniness within me. Chewbacca...

Coonan Triple Threat Apocalyptic Kit

$39.95 from Coonan »

When I think of Coonan, I think first of .357 Magnums. But a close and immediate second is zombie and vampire slaying. And now I'm wondering if the firearms manufacturer and I have a psychic connection. I'm wondering...

Double Agent Shoes

$165 - $225 from Double Agent Shoes »

Get your lady a pair of these Double Agent Shoes for Valentine's Day and you'll never get stuck holding her purse again. Ahhh, a nice gift for her with a nice kickback for you. That said, be wary if she isn't the most...

Lightsaber Combat Academy

How is it possible that the Italians--the Italians!--are the first people on Earth to create a nationwide franchise of lightsaber combat academies? If not the US I could maybe, maybe see Japan taking the lead here, but...

Freebie Friday Free Stuff

While we have developed a habit of giving away a ton of free stuff, we usually dole it out to just one of you at a time. But in honor of Labor Day, and all of the hard work you've put in...surfing the web...at the office...

Shtox Ever-Spinning Glass

$61.97 from Grand Illusions »

The German-made Shtox glass, a Red Dot Design Award winner with a bottom primed for rotational movement, has the patented capability of spinning into infinity at the flick of a wrist. Just like Euler's Disk. Also like...

Akrapovic Full Moon Concept Motorcycle

Akrapovic teamed with Slovenian Dreamachine Motorcycles to design its Full Moon concept bike, a motorcycle that seems to share contemporary pop music's obsession with disproportionately large rear ends....

Skull Shaver

$133 from Amazon »

To raze or not to raze, that is the balding man's question. And thankfully it's one my lush bonsai tree of locks and I will never have to answer. But for the Thinners and Receders out there, plus anyone who just digs...