Damascus Dragon Gyuto Chef Knife

$119.37 from Amazon »

I don't chop onions or slice cucumbers, I slay them with a 67-layer damascus dragon pattern! This Japanese stainless steel knife is super sharp and clad in everyone's favorite hip-yet-medieval-sounding steel: damascus....

KeySmart Compact Key Holder

$27.99 from Amazon »

This Swiss Army tool will grant you access to Warren Buffett's safe deposit box, Chuck Norris' weapons stash, and Angelina Jolie's sex toy box. I mean, if you have the key and all. The KeySmart is a keychain designed...

Batarang Boomerangs

$55 - $199 from Boomerangs By Vic »

Vic Poulin has invented some Batarangs that just might indicate whether or not you're actually qualified to be Batman. His advanced returning Batarang boomerangs, available in standard 14" and Big Daddy 25" lengths, aren't...

USB Travel Razor

$18.99 from DudeIWantThat.com »

While the trend these days seems to be giving up shaving altogether, ShaveTech has an alternative for you: just give up your charger. Their smartphone-sized electric razor has a handy fold-out USB port for easy charging...

Liquid Image EGO Action Camera

While it's somewhat depressing that the most action I get anymore is with a camera, at least the ones like Liquid Image's EGO are low maintenance, always up for adventure, and outfitted with a, ahem, versatile array of...

Cold Steel War Hammer

$47.99 from Amazon »

The Cold Steel War Hammer is for striking, piercing, crushing, and bludgeoning opponents. Hopefully opponents that are, say, drywalls scheduled for demo and sides of beef purchased from your local farmer's market, not...

Self Defense Money Clip

$10.95 from Amazon »

A self defense money clip. Huh. Is that a good idea? Seems like an attacker might consider your money, like, his primary reason for attacking you, and if he got it all tidily stored in a lightweight clip of durable aluminum...

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Black Zirconium & Copper Ring

Giveaway: Black Zirconium & Copper Ring

Why should the ladies get all the jewelry from Father Christmas and Daddy Sugar this year? Dudes, here's your chance to walk away from the tree with your own glistening finger gem, this one forged from slick black zirconium...

CashStash Waterproof Emergency Cash Capsule

$11.09 from Amazon »

A backup $20. A lucky $2 bill. An extra hundo juuust in case I'm too drunk to realize she's going to charge me for these services. The True Utility CashStash is a waterproof capsule sized to fit a keyring and hold a single...

LifeBox UltraCharge Power Bank & Car Jump Starter

$54.99 from Amazon »

The LifeBox UltraCharge is a 3-in-1 companion for times when cruising the open road turns into getting stuck on the side of the road. Its 10,000 mAH battery serves as both a charger for electronics, plus a jump starter...

Keewifi Tap & Connect Secure Router

$69 - $99 from Keewifi »

The Keewifi router boasts the performance and security of standard password-protected routers without the frustrating configuration processes and assigned passwords. When you want to browse or stream from a device, or...

Zip Blade Zipper Knife

$10.18 from Amazon »

This 0.68" fine edge utility blade has enough pluck to strip wire, cut cardboard, and slice through clamshell packaging. I bet it could even slash open the zipper it's hanging from when it gets stuck, like, every third...

Schweddy Balls Peanut Butter Malt Balls

Sold Out from Amazon »

No one can resist Pete's Schweddy Balls. They come from an old family recipe. Delicate and toothsome with a moist, chewy center, Schweddy Balls will put all other balls you've ever put in your mouth to shame. With their...

Bondic Instant Liquid Plastic Adhesive

$21.99 - $24.99 from Bondic »

The future of glue is...not a glue! That's Bondic's battle cry anyway. According to its creators, the world's first Liquid Plastic Welder works anywhere glue does, plus anywhere glue fails like a stoner playing Whac-A-Mole....

Santaur Ornament

$14.50 from Amazon »

Looks like the reindeer are out of a job. Santaur can fly his own damn sleigh, what with this new quad of furry legs and a pile of Greek mythology backing him now. Also new to the Santa Claus table: guns and a 6-pack....

Leatherman Skeletool Multitool

$66.97 from Amazon »

The Skeletool CX trims the fat of multitools that may be equally useful, but pack too many implements, and too much weight into their frame. Leatherman keeps it light and low-profile with an EDC item outfitted only with...

Holiday Gift Guide: For Ladies

Ladies. Why is it that I find it so difficult to shop for them, yet they seem to have no trouble at all shopping for themselves? Every time I try to buy the perfect gift for my mama or the girl at my local ice cream store...

Hybrid Stand Up/Sit Down Paddleboard

Sold Out from Amazon »

Stand up paddleboarding is super fun! Unless you lack the balance, core strength, and stamina of an Olympic athlete, in which case it's super fun for the first 15 minutes, and a shit show of falling into water, heaving...

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Lock Laces - Elastic No-Tie Shoelaces

$7.99 from Amazon »

One time when I was a kid I was at the mall with my mama rocking a pair of K-Swiss and one of my shoelaces came untied shortly before we got onto the down escalator. The ride itself went fine, but when I stepped off at...

Uranium Ore

$39.95 from Amazon »

This jar of Uranium Ore--or, as I like to call it, Instant Mutant Candy--contains real samples of NORM, Naturally Occurring Radioactive Materials. Each container's label lists its contents' Counts Per Minute activity...

Invisible Bluetooth Earpiece

$17.99 from DudeIWantThat.com »

It doesn't have a black leather or bamboo casing like Motorola's Moto Hint wireless earbuds, but this Invisible Bluetooth earpiece still maintains comfort, voice clarity, and complete discretion. Its lightweight, ergonomic...

Proof: The Science of Booze

$17.86 from Amazon »

Proof: Booze Makes Everything Better. No, not really. Well I mean, yes, that's really true of course, but it's not really the name of the book. Proof: The Science of Booze is its accurate title. But I'm pretty sure that...

Shrine Sneaker Duffel

$185 from The Shrine »

Dirty, germy shoes nestled against your white shirts and boxer briefs. Not cool. Neither is cramming your sneakers in a bag's slim outer pocket and having them come back out all misshapen and degraded. In response to...

Silhouette Sense-Enhancing Wine Glass

$49.95 from Amazon »

Though the Silhouette wine glass appears to be designed to make the wine drinking process less difficult and embarrassing for people with inordinately large noses, its true benefits extend to proboscises of all sizes....

Flump Face - Your Photo on a Giant Marshmallow

$20.49 from Firebox.com »

Oh man, I cannot wait to toast my ex-girlfriend Karen's face over a roaring fire or blow it up in the microwave. Flump Face gives us the great pleasure of printing favorite pics of ourselves, the people we love, or the...

MiP Smartphone-Controlled Robot

$89.99 from DudeIWantThat.com »

You can call MiP a smartphone-controlled robot if you want. But I prefer to call him my electronic sodie butler. I Samsung Galaxy him into the kitchen, my mama places a can of Mountain Dew on his little plastic tray...

Pyro - Open Palm Fireball Shooter

$174 from Ellusionist »

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. I know because only Santa could make a hidden wristband that allows me to launch fireballs from my open palm, and only Santa could make it available for my mama to purchase for me...

Hollow Book Safes with Flasks

$45 - $65 from Etsy »

Leave the gun. Take the cannoli. We'll wash it down with my flask of Remy Martin....

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OuttaGEAR 2.0 Bug Out Bag

Giveaway: OuttaGEAR 2.0 Bug Out Bag

My plan for an emergency, catastrophic event, or Lord of the Flies throwdown? Total, balls-to-the-wall bug out. I recommend the same for you. First step: click here and enter to win the functional, fully-loaded Lexus...

DJI Inspire 1 Drone

$2,899 from Amazon »

Who's got Santa and Daddy Warbucks shelling out for Christmas this year? DJI's newest and, they say, baddest drone release is fresh for the taking this holiday season. The ready-to-fly Inspire 1 uses its quadcopter propellers...

Ugly Christmas Swimsuit

I have one thing to say to all of you who live in Southern California and Miami and Australia. You who will be sweating balls this Christmas instead of freezing your ass off making them out of snow: jerks. The only things...

Dual Jet Bath Spa

$39.99 from Amazon »

Soothe sore muscles, melt away tension, and (ladies) enjoy some alone time with red wine and powerful jets. Conair's Dual Jet Bath Spa fancifies any bathtub into an underwater den of relaxation and personal gratification....

Unicorn in a Narwhal Sculpture

$1,500 from Kozyndan »

Holy crap, it's fantastical beast overload! It almost hurts to look at it, it's so stirring and extraordinary. And, according to the unicornarwhal sculpture's creators, it also explains a lot. How can a whale with a ginormous...

Recycled Fire Hose Wallets & Cases

$12 - $79 from Recycled Firefighter »

As a firefighter who regularly depends on the material's ruggedness and durability, Jake Starr has always known that canvas fire hose can stand up to extreme temperatures, water pressures, and beatings. So he figured...

Bar10der Cocktail Multi-Tool

$34.95 from Amazon »

Arm yourself for survival in the open bar. With a name as clever as its purpose, the Bar10der is a cocktail-slinging multi-tool for everyone from mixologists to party hosts who don't want to buy and keep track of 10 different...

Bose QuietComfort 25 Headphones

$299 from Amazon »

My friend Ronnie has some of these Bose noise-canceling headphones. He says their QuietComfort power and stamina hold up flawlessly to crying babies on airplanes and log-sawing bedmates and especially visits from his...

GasWatch Digital Propane Gauge

$19.95 - $24.95 from GasWatch »

The Gaswatch is a digital scale that sits beneath your grill's propane tank and gives an accurate measurement of how many more burgers and beef briskets you can turn out before it's time for a refill. The device provides...

Micro Drone 2.0 with Aerial Camera

$74.99 from DudeIWantThat.com »

Despite its quad-rotor helicopter design, 400' range, 1+ ounce weight, smooth flight algorithms, and accompanying aerial camera, the Micro Drone 2.0 is normally pretty reasonably priced at $139. Now makers Extreme Fliers...

Naomi Spring Nutcracker

$25 from red dot »

Naomi is like one of those girls who is incredibly hot and arousing, but also kind of stony and completely unapproachable. Dare speak to her, or even look at her for one beat too long, and she'll crush your nuts like...

InstantVeg Spiralizer

Sold Out from Amazon »

Well I guess I better get my mama this InstantVeg Spiralizer for Christmas if I want her to keep making me curly shoestring french fries and zucchini spaghetti on my low-carb days (i.e., every 17th Sunday). See I got...

Delta Bow with Draw Holder & Laser Sight

The Delta is part of William Tell's collection of concept bows. A bow-crossbow combo, it maintains the lightness and portability of a manual bow, but adds a draw holding device and 5-pin sight and laser sight for crossbow-style...

Air-Fi Runaway Wireless Headphones

$44.99 from DudeIWantThat.com »

I think we've reached a general consensus in 21st century America on the following: 1) Cords suck (unless they're fiber optic cables delivering us stuff like Ludicrous Speed Internet); 2) Bulky and cumbersome things suck;...

LEGO Strip Club

$275 from Citizen Brick »

She's mighty mighty, just lettin' it all hang out! She's a brick...uh...minifig. The lady's stacked with a plastic rack, gonna give The LEGO Group a heart attack. She's a brick........

WaterColorBot 2.0

Hey, here's a swell way to convince children with 0 artistic talent that they can be the next Van Gogh. Make sure there are trophies on hand too for when the WaterColorBot completes their first masterpiece for them....

Panther Air Drone with HD Camera

The Panther Air Drone is a big boy. The Dumbo of quadcopters, if you will. But still graceful and easy to maneuver with its foam body, encased blades, and built-in gyro stabilization. A 4.5-channel radio control enables...

Varigrip Adjustable Hand Exerciser

$9.99 from Amazon »

Planet Waves says its Varigrip is the "perfect tool for pre-show warm-ups and maintaining conditioning when away from your instrument." So, yeah, it's totally a hand job trainer. Both for masturbatory efforts and those...

Attacknids Combat Creatures

$49.99 - $119.95 from Amazon »

Combat Creatures' Attacknids are rugged, obstacle-crushing RC toys that also, true to their name, engage each other (or my neighbor's cat Willard) in combat. Models include the Stealth and Vanguard Stryders, which fire...

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Giving & Greed Holiday Mystery Box

Giveaway: Giving & Greed Holiday Mystery Box

Some for you, some for me. Not necessarily equal parts since I usually prefer the scales tipped towards me, but enter to win Dude's Giving & Greed Holiday Mystery Box, and I promise it will be all about you this time....

iPhone-Controlled Insects

$39.95 from iHelicopters.net »

Unfortunately, these iPhone-controlled insects cannot fly or crawl up my friend Cornelius' leg and make him die while he's engaged in Advanced Warfare. On screen, obviously. Off screen he would just squeal like the lovechild...

DIY Jet Black Hellfire Burgers

$11 from Amazon »

I wouldn't be surprised if the secret ingredient to concocting a jet black burger that looks like it's been roasted on the flames of hell was one that inflicted a weeklong case of Montezuma's Revenge. But, somewhat ironically...

Street Fighter Ugly Christmas Sweater

The embodiment of ugly Christmas sweater awesome right down to the KO, KO, KOs running along its upper border. It's Ken v. Ryu...and a snowflake...in this Street Fighter spin on the most heinous of yarn creations (100%...

BrewTender Beer & Beverage Dispenser

$59.95 from Amazon »

Cold as ice...and watered down as George Carlin doing standup at Sunday Mass. Not the best combination when you're serving and drinking beverages. The BrewTender is an 80-ounce drink dispenser sized for the tabletop and...

Alienware Alpha Gaming Console PC

$549 - $899.99 from Amazon »

It started shipping only a couple days ago, but Alienware's "substitute" Steam Machine, the Alpha PC gaming series, has already gotten a lot of ambivalent feedback from blog reviewers and buyers alike. Me? Well, my mama...

SunJack CampLight USB Bulb

$12.95 from Amazon »

Sure you could use a flashlight. Or a lantern. Or I guess even an iPad. But SunJack's CampLight looks and acts like a real live 4W LED bulb, delivering a 270-degree beam angle of ambient lighting when plugged into any...

Han Solo in Carbonite Shower Curtain

$24.99 from ThinkGeek »

Welp, depending on who's in the shower, Han Solo might not mind that he's now stuck in both Carbonite and a shower curtain. I mean, I'm sure he's gotten pretty sick of looking at naked Leia over the past 30 years, but...

Holiday Gift Guide: The Great Outdoors

Just you, the squirrels, the trees, and a 42" Chinese dadao flat ground to an edge that could take them all out in one fell swoop! That's the Great Outdoors I'm talkin' about!...

Santa Jumpsuit

[Insert Sit on Santa's Lap Joke Here.]...

Recon Wireless Folding Mouse

$42.50 from MeetIDEA »

Recon's 2013 Red Dot Design Award Finalist is the first 180-degree fully folding mouse. This wireless origami pointing device measures just 9mm thick when flat for easy and crush-free carrying in a laptop bag, purse...

Flux Capacitor Watch

$49.99 from ThinkGeek »

See, sometimes you can have too much of a good thing, but other times...you should turn every possible 21st century EDC item into a flux capacitor. That's ThinkGeek's current modus operandi. Hot on the heels of their...

DeLonghi Perfecto Indoor Grill

$59.95 from Amazon »

Last winter I was all like, Mama, come on. It's only just below freezing. Get on out to the grill and make me...us...some BBQ ribs. But then a few days later she got pneumonia and I felt sort of bad. So this year I got...

Japanese Flipbooks

$15.80 - $23.37 from Amazon »

Rabbit with Long Ear is by far the most profound book I've read...ever. In 0 words and less than 5 seconds it provides a stirring and stark look into the life of a creature cursed with inordinately long lobes who refuses...

The Manual to Manhood

$11.51 from Amazon »

Some dude at work gave me this Manual to Manhood malarkey. Like, he was under the impression that I don't know how to tie a tie or cook a steak or change my oil. Which is true, but I'm not sure why I'd waste my time reading...

SH*T-IN-M'TEETH Toothpicks

$5 from Kickstarter »

Popcorn. Milk Duds. The kale chips I once ate on a date so the chick would think I'm healthy and open minded that subsequently led her ditch me once little bits of them got stuck in the crevices of my gums and then flew...

Bluetooth Audio Beanie

$24.99 from DudeIWantThat.com »

Rock out with your cock out cranium toasty and stylin' in this Bluetooth audio beanie from TRNDlabs. Did you know that up to 50% of body heat escapes through your head? And did you also know that your head is where your...

3D Latte Art Maker

Sculpting 3D bears and puppy dogs out of foamed milk to float in a latte seems like a lot of trouble to me. Trouble that will be ruined the instant the jackhole I went to all the trouble for decides she is going to drink...

Knox Handroid Hand Armor Gloves

$249.95 - $269.95 from Amazon »

As if riding a motorcycle while protecting your skin from flaying off and bones from splitting in half weren't cool enough, Knox is going to make it look like you have mech hands in the process. More armor than gloves...