A Geek's Gift Guide of Gadgets, Gear and Novelties    * Updated daily

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Sunday, December 2, 2012
$218 from Amazon »

Plea to All Women: I implore you to buy these pants. And wear them in my presence. White, lace, skulls. They're the trifecta of my fantasies. Throw in flowing, partially see-through, and looking to be very soft, and I might...

Tuesday, December 3, 2013
$21.98 from Amazon »

Great. Now when I don't catch the frisbee not only is it going to hit me in the face, it's going to hit me in the face and then bounce off up to 25 feet. The Sky Bouncer flies like a disc but ricochets off walls, floors, skulls...

Monday, February 17, 2014

Under normal circumstances, my tongue wouldn't be the first place I'd pick to be spanked. But seeing as Tonguespank Spices are coating their lashings in flavors like Garlic Grappa and Scorpion Bourbon, I guess I'd be OK with opening my mouth and allowing them to lay down the paddle....

Friday, May 10, 2013
$265 from Delta Six »

The Delta Six might be the coolest looking gaming gun I've ever seen. I would consider buying one even if I couldn't use it for anything but picking my nose and curling up with on the couch at night (the latter particularly...

Saturday, February 1, 2014
$99.90 from Amazon »

I saw some compact devices similar to PowerAll's portable car jump starter & power bank that claim to juice up a car battery from the comfort of my driver's seat. Just plug one in to the cigarette lighter, chill for 20 minutes...

Friday, December 14, 2012
Sold Out from Amazon »

I might say I want to go off the grid for a week, but really I mean I want to be away from people and civilization right up to the point that I need the help of people and civilization because I got my leg stuck in a rock and I don't have the balls to cut it off. SPOT Connect allows for the pairing of a smartphone to a global satellite network that enables users to send messages and GPS coordinates...

Thursday, March 7, 2013
$24.99 from Amazon »

5 minutes to a breakfast sandwich. No drive-thru on earth can beat that...mainly because of the whole leaving the house and driving to the drive-thru portion of the equation. Otherwise I guess most of them could. If there...

Sunday, June 9, 2013
Discontinued

Even in the virtual world, when it rains it pours. Not only is the ARAIG (As Real As It Gets) multi-sensory feedback suit the latest in a recent lineup of virtual gaming enhancement gear, but it has also joined VR immersive...

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

ONDA terms itself a recumbent stunt bike/trike that can also be used to commute to work. Commute to work? What am I, the imp from Game of Thrones? Cee Lo Green? I'm not willingly placing a 3-foot-high version of myself amongst...

Wednesday, September 11, 2013
$120 from Scout Alarm »

ADT had better either step up its game or get ready for retirement because with all of the user-controlled, smartphone-based home security systems trickling onto the market it won't be long now until third-party remote (and...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012
$59.99 from Zband »

The Vibrating Ring Alarm Clock may still exist only in concept, but the ZBand, a vibrating bracelet alarm clock, is just a few steps away from silently and unobnoxiously rocking you awake without disturbing significant human...

Saturday, February 23, 2013
$9.95 from Shittens »

When you're sittin' on the john and the toilet paper's gone, be a man, use your hand...or get some Shittens. Protecting ourselves from fecal matter should be a priority right up there with wearing sunscreen and planning for...

Tuesday, April 23, 2013
$9.99 from Amazon »

If you missed out on the Chain Link Zombie Slayer Axe, console...and arm...and shock & awe yourself with this sick little zombie killing knife. Combining the functionality of a kitchen cleaver and the intimidating aesthetics...

Thursday, September 15, 2011

These are aptly named. An ingenious piece of technology wrought from Asian women's desire to have larger eyes, these seem more fit for the drug-and-urine-splattered concrete floor of the next rave in Omaha, Nebraska....

Tuesday, November 20, 2012
$19.99 - $26 from Amazon »

Medieval knight helmets. That's what hip nanas who know what it means to give their grandsons street cred crochet. Now I don't know if Dee Forrest is a grandma, but she's definitely privy to what the cool kids these days are...

Saturday, October 12, 2013
$29.95 - $64.95 from Morph Costume Co. »

Digital Dudz are back for Round 2 of their wildly popular animated, smartphone-enhanced Halloween costumes. 2013 designs are housed in infrastructures with lower profiles than the 1.0 versions', making them simpler to install...

Wednesday, September 25, 2013
$29.50 - $239.99 from Lens.com »

Minions will cower and tremble in fear when they meet the all-powerful GnarledJaggedPlaqueLaden Teeth Eyes! Hey, I get the appeal of colored and themed contact lenses, particularly for Halloween, cosplay, and other costumed...

Tuesday, January 7, 2014
$12.49 from Amazon »

As you can see, Super Sculpey sculpturing compound can sculpt some pretty super sculptures. The mutant dentist's nightmare in the photo above comes courtesy of Chris Maxwell via ConceptArt. Additionally, a simple online image...

Monday, January 21, 2013
$69.98 from Amazon »

Hey kids, not only will Bushnell's Torch flashlight illuminate the bogeyman and monsters under your bed, its blast of a 165-lumen, perfectly square HD beam of light will probably blind them long enough for you to grab your...

Wednesday, May 29, 2013
$34.99 from ThinkGeek »

While I do not believe in buying other people gifts in honor of holidays for which they do not also have to buy me a gift, Father's Day is on the horizon, and this Tactical BBQ Apron could perhaps serve the dual purpose of...

Wednesday, January 23, 2013
$499 - $629 from Indochino »

Style. Connectivity. Protection from hypothermia. When 21st century power players dress to impress, kill, or otherwise command the respect of their minions, they wear Indochino's Nanotech Storm Suit. Disclaimer: If you are...

Friday, December 27, 2013
$14.99 from Amazon »

Hmmm, ShutterBall looks like gadget fit for the MUA. But I guess that's not surprising given that people seem to enjoy taking selfies as much as they enjoy using sex toys these days. This bulbous piece of Bluetooth tech serves...

Friday, November 1, 2013
By: Wristify

Much of the hype surrounding Wristify addresses the potential impact the thermoelectric bracelet could have on contemporary society's heating/cooling energy consumption. But its creators, a group of MIT students who won the...

Sunday, May 19, 2013
$10.95 from Sam's Natural »

Application of Sam's Natural Down There Repair fixes two major male discomforts and social embarrassments: chafed crotch and smelly crotch. It can also be used preventatively, thwarting these afflictions from striking down...

Sunday, January 27, 2013
$199 from NinjaBlocks »

The only thing I know about Hackers is that Angelina Jolie makes a hot one, but according to Ninja Blocks, that's enough to qualify me for the job. Of a hacker, not Angelina Jolie. Though I could probably pull off the latter...

Saturday, September 17, 2011
Sold Out from Etsy »

A real "blast" from the past. In a clever display of grooming irony, users shoot this vintage 357 Magnum Hair Dryer at their heads to avoid committing style suicide. We can see it now, the biggest public service campaign since...

Thursday, October 10, 2013
$39.99 from ThinkGeek »

Good news for men itching for superpowers but hesitant to accept the body-suctioning spandex--and in this case noxious spider bite--that often accompanies them. The Marvel Electronic Spidey-Sense T-Shirt grants a heightened...

Thursday, March 22, 2012
$90k from Seabreacher »

Seabreacher water jets snugly seat two people with exceptional control over their stomachs and bowels for a nautical roller coaster ride of dives, breaches, spins, and respective surface and subsurface speeds of up to 50 and...

Sunday, August 18, 2013
$27.99 from Amazon »

If you just want people to keep the F out, get an Add-a-Lock. But if you want them to believe for a split second that they have successfully encroached your space, only to disrupt the blaze of an invisble light that in turn...

Friday, April 20, 2012

Norman Osborn and Beaker from The Muppets are going to have a conniption when they get a load of this Frankencreation of welded steel and glass. The Menagerie of Mechanized Happiness Machine--ahhh, its name alone evokes reverence--is...

Tuesday, September 18, 2012
$325 from Black Badger »

Moonglow Rings take minimalistic colored and metal bands on a trip through classic sci-fi adventures when the lights go out. Though Black Badger Advanced Composites' glow-in-the-dark finger decor comes from Sweden, not outer...

Sunday, March 9, 2014
$10 from Amazon »

That's right, kid. You wanna play Here Comes the Airplane, you pilot that aircraft yourself. I'm sick of contemporary society's unbridled pandering to children. They have two hands. Why can't they feed themselves? Put on their...

Tuesday, April 30, 2013
$799.99 from Amazon »

The 6' x 18' WaterMat is bigger than most rafts, more portable than most rafts, and won't suck so much air from your lungs during assembly that you start to feel lightheaded and then pass out and then fall off the side of...

Thursday, December 6, 2012
$19 from Raygun »

I tried to crop out the part of the Yay Cleavage T-Shirt photo that shows the boobily blessed lady wearing it is pregnant, but I think you can still kind of tell. Sorry. I guess the V-neck may technically be intended for she...

Tuesday, November 27, 2012
$245 - $345 from Etsy »

I guess I've been in a serious relationship with Jack Daniels for long enough now that I'm willing to don his ring and announce it to the world. Especially a ring as slick as this one. Check out the genuine used JD white oak...

Saturday, January 18, 2014
$69.99 from Etsy »

The makers of this shower curtain depicting a shadowy Nosferatu ascending the stairs to drain your blood and leave you a dead and dried-out heap of sunken flesh...or maybe turn you into a vampire like himself if you're really...

Monday, March 10, 2014
$12.99 - $45 from Etsy »

As some of you may know, tissues provide an alternative to blowing snot rockets or using your sleeve when you have clogged nostrils. Typically they are not worth seeking out, especially if doing so requires standing up or...

Saturday, October 5, 2013
$199 from Amazon »

Tritium watches might be the most attainable alternative to the elusive tritium keychains we showed you last year, as well as to the even more elusive tritium girl I tried to make out of a 3D printer, a Barbie doll, and a...

Thursday, July 11, 2013
$59.95 from Hibermate »

I love it when girls wear ear muffs. Especially big furry white ones. They give them that irresistible look of sophistication meets special needs kid. Ear muffs on guys, though? Eh. Not really acceptable. Maybe, maybe we can...

Saturday, January 11, 2014
$1,299 from Onewheel »

They say Onewheeling is like surfing the perfect wave or snowboarding on fresh powder, but without the requisite presence of an ocean or mountain. Hmmm. I wonder if the presence of oceans and mountains has been what caused...

Monday, December 30, 2013
Giveaway: DriDown Zissou 6 Sleeping Bag 66
Giveaway Entry Is Closed

Enter to win your 700-fill of feathers with a Sierra Designs DriDown Zissou 6 sleeping bag (a $340 value!)...

Wednesday, September 18, 2013
$6.51 from Amazon »

My immediate impression is that applying BlueMagic Invisible Glove to my hands would feel like covering them in a thin layer of Elmer's Glue. That thought gives me the willies and makes me want to vomit. Maybe the Invisible...

Sunday, December 23, 2012
$49.99 from ITS Tactical »

Not that I'm one to break and enter, but...I could be if I had ITS Tactical's Titanium Entry Card. Made of aircraft grade titanium, the 0.032" thick "emergency" lock pick tool set fits just as easily into wallets as it does...

Friday, January 24, 2014
$1,310 from Duffy London »

If I ever happen to move out of my mama's house, I doubt it will be into anything larger than a 400-square-foot studio apartment, so this transforming coffee-to-dining table from Duffy London would be the perfect addition...

Monday, June 24, 2013
$115 - $125 from JumpStartCity »

The only not titanium components in Brian Fellhoelter's TiBolt bolt action pen are the the ink cartridge, spring, O-ring, and stylus nib. It's kind of like how the only not titanium components in my rock hard body are my blood...

Monday, October 21, 2013
$199.99 from ThinkGeek »

What elevates a Star Wars watch to designer status? Uhhh...price tag? Sophisticated aesthetics? Not coming attached to a rubbery plastic band my dog and I can chew on? And if that's the case, why exactly would I want a designer...

Friday, March 15, 2013

I wonder which is less comfortable: Jimmy Kuehnle's Invisible Bike or Jimmy Kuehnle's invisible outfit. In other words, would you rather require rectal surgery or pass out from heat exhaustion and develop a full-body rash?...

Thursday, June 6, 2013
$429 from Virtuix »

Full-body immersion into the world of virtual reality gaming, with a side of actual reality exercise. The Omni isn't the first VR treadmill we've seen (check out the WizDish) but it appears to be the most sophisticated, nicest...

Sunday, December 8, 2013
By: UV Vodka

Hello there, ma'am. Fine evening we're having, wouldn't you say? What's that in my hand you ask? Here, have a closer look....

Wednesday, August 1, 2012
By: Raonhaje

What up, Jaws? You ready for a little face time with me and my impenetrable acrylic underwater sightseeing window? Korean company Raonhaje's EGO, a compact semi-submarine/motorboat hybrid, has flipped its room with a view...

Saturday, February 23, 2013
$159.95 from Amazon »

Sweet, a onesie for temperatures even colder than my parents keep their house. Selk'bag's wearable sleeping bags cater to all outdoor enthusiasts looking to stay warm without the constriction of a traditional rectangular or...

Monday, February 27, 2012
$224.99 - $249.99 from Optics Planet »

According to the cats in the OPMOD Battle Mug video, you can do everything with this souped up, military-spec, solid aluminum beer stein that you can do with your AR. Deck it out with a scope, laser sight, holo sight, any...

Wednesday, March 6, 2013
$175 - $795 from Etsy »

Latex Star Wars Stormtrooper attire comes in a variety of cuts and styles so that all body types can find one that's suitable and flattering. And if you buy that I've also got an instant, no-fail national economic recovery...

Saturday, February 9, 2013
$29 from Wallet TrackR »

Just wait 'til the next dirty thief who tries to jack my wallet finds out I've got the Wallet TrackR. And a Sap Cap. And an extensive history of kicking people in the shins. About the size of a credit card and connected via...

Sunday, October 20, 2013

It's not surprising that the Deaf Leopard train horn gun can put the power and sound of a choo choo in our hands. I mean, if they can turn forearm muscles into remote control guns with an armband and find the Higgs boson and...

Saturday, September 22, 2012
$64.99 from Amazon »

Maker Volante Design calls this Assassin's Creed fashion statement the Kenway Jacket, and includes a lot of nonsense about how it is available with two closure options to make it either symmetrical or asymmetrical, but really...

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Dudes, watch the whole video. Or at least fast forward to the final 20 seconds to behold the reasons why your life will not reach its full potential until it can count Laser Gloves as part of it. The match-igniting, balloon-popping...

Saturday, January 19, 2013
$22.43 from Amazon »

People think I drink only Kool-Aid and sodie pop because I'm immature and unrefined, but really it's because water is such a yawn. I need the excitement and intrigue of carbonation and colors insulting to nature in my beverages....

Saturday, January 4, 2014
$239.68 - $573.97 from Amazon »

These Pelican coolers have 7- 10-day ice retention properties. That's pretty good. Nowhere near those of my ex, who has retained the ice in her heart for, like, 2 years now, but for a cooler, pretty good. Coined Elite Marine...

Sunday, January 20, 2013
$79.99 - $119.99 from Amazon »

When I feel a tinge of pain during my engagement in taxing pursuits of physical prowess, such as owning the squash court and attending Zumba classes, I calmly remove myself from the action--no matter how many feisty Latinas...

Tuesday, October 2, 2012
$104.99 - $149.99 from Amazon »

It's about that time of year. The time that anyone with a new roommate starts to assess exactly how he or she feels about said roommate. Best bud, mortal enemy, tolerable nuisance, unfortunate insertion into the human race?...

Wednesday, July 24, 2013
$35 from Amazon »

With its typical anything-you-can-do bravado, Google has built Chromecast, an HDMI streaming media player in the vein of Apple TV and Roku, but...you got it. Better. So they say....

Monday, September 23, 2013
$5.75 from Amazon »

So they're selling air. And not even the far-out air that's been solidified into Aerogel, or the air sucked up by Mega Maid and officially licensed by Spaceball One, just plain old gaseous oxygen. In a can. Oh it's a fancy...

Monday, January 27, 2014
$475 - $525 from Harley-Davidson »

Though it's not exactly riding weather in many parts of the US this winter, I'm guessing this Kane leather riding jacket from Harley-Davidson will still keep the men who wear it from freezing their asses off walking from the...

Monday, August 5, 2013
$61.25 from Gizoo »

Onion! You bastard! Raw atop my chalupa you give me the breath of a dragon-sized chihuahua that just puked up a can of tuna fish. Dicing is too good for the likes of you. Prepare to be hacked to bits with my Samurai sword...

Friday, July 12, 2013
$21.44 from Amazon »

I know. There are only so many multi-tools one can own. But only one multi-tool one can own also impersonates the precious, innocuous fish who died on you (possibly repeatedly) during childhood. What up, Guppie Multi-Tool?...

Wednesday, November 21, 2012
$149.99 from Vat 19 »

Oh look, a snake that can kill you without biting, constricting, or even being alive. At 84" long, 26.9 pounds, and a staggering 36,720 calories, the Gummy Python will inflict anything from hyperglycemia to ruptured intestines...

Tuesday, November 20, 2012
$75 - $945 from Etsy »

In the words of the great Missy Elliott's lyrical masterpiece "Ching-A-Ling", "This is serious maaannnn!" Etsy vendor ZDay Survivor's extensive collection of hand-chiseled, zombie-eradicating blades and bludgeons don't just...