Glo-Toob Virtually Indestructible Light
The Glo-toob is a banded top for ladies that burns swooning neon green, blue, red, white, or amber straight from their chesticular areas to your heart. Oh wait, no. Wrong glowing product that sounds like "boob". Correction: the Glo-toob is a compact, multi-function light with a 30-hour lithium battery that is virtually indestructible, even when knocked, bumped, or dropped out of the car window by my butter fingered friend Cornelius. That's only marginally less cool than a breast enhancer, right?
Glo-toobs serve as pocket-sized companions for camping trips, unanticipated stops on the side of the road, action sports, or any extreme situation, such as military ops or sneaking out of someone's bedroom post-sobering up and beholding the awful, awful mistake you've just made. The trusty beacons measure 2.75" long and weigh just over an ounce. After the battery lives out its inordinately long useful life like this fat diabetic Westie I once knew, it is easily replaced with another. RIP Fatty Magoo.