58

Life-Size Animated Talking Reindeer

By: on November 27, 2013
$5,400
Check It Out

The idea of Dasher, a life-size reindeer that talks and moves, is decent, but, uh...did they have to give him the voice of Ross Matthews? MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! Let's hang pink and purple stockings! At least that's how he sounds in speech. When Dasher hauls out the holiday carols, though, behold: instant transformation from Ross Matthews to Burl Ives.

Also, the patterning of Dasher's fur growth, at least in this photo, makes it look like he has a dingleberry hanging right beneath his tail.

And now for the reasons you would like to add a life-size animated talking reindeer to your collection of Christmas cheer. According to Dasher, your front yard is going to be severely lacking without his European handcraftedness, and likeness to real reindeers frolicking in their natural habitat. He even comes with a "Toys that Teach" tag detailing his native home, lifestyle, and favorite foods (i.e., deluxe stable outside magical workshop, like a pimp in a permanent fur coat, peppermint sticks and troughs of Lucky Charms marshmallows.)

Coup de grace: Dasher the talking, singing, and gesturing reindeer may be ridden, as in mounted and giddy-upped, by children. And--and!--adults weighing up to 150 pounds. Yep, yep, one more reason to keep up the Weight Watchers, J Simp.

Buy Now

The Illuminator - Instant Light Projector

$39.99 - $49.99 from Amazon »

Thousands of decorative lights from the palm of my hand to the branches of my trees, or spans of my walls in minutes. Minutes. Without the hassle of knotted wires. Without the danger of ladders. Without the frustration...

Buy Now

LED Snow Flurry Projection Light

$71.97 from Amazon »

Oh the trouble Clark Griswold could have saved himself if only he'd gone on Christmas vacation in the 2010s. Nowadays one little green box fitted with one pint-sized disco ball connected to one tiny projector are all...

Check it out

Street Fighter Ugly Christmas Sweater

The embodiment of ugly Christmas sweater awesome right down to the KO, KO, KOs running along its upper border. It's Ken v. Ryu...and a snowflake...in this Street Fighter spin on the most heinous of yarn creations (100%...

Buy Now

Animated Ugly Christmas Sweaters

$54.95 - $64.95 from Amazon »

I see your ugly Shhh!-ing Santa Christmas sweater, and raise you an ugly Shhh!-ing Santa Christmas sweater with animated eyes bouncing lecherously to and fro as if he were watching a naked lady elf tossing relay and entreating...

Check it out

Tactical Holiday Stocking

$19.99 from ThinkGeek »

If you thought your tactical novelties would have to be shelved now that Tactical BBQ Apron-wearing season is over, ThinkGeek is happy to inform you that, au contraire, you can still have a Holly MOLLE Christmas with...

Check it out

Bill & Ted Ugly Christmas Sweater

$84.99 from Middle of Beyond »

It's the holidays. Be excellent to each other, dudes. I'm using the Bill & Ted Ugly Christmas Sweater to serve as my own helpful reminder...and also to slay all contests when I party on at the 3 Ugly Christmas Sweater...

Check it out

Holiday Gift Guide: Christmas Cheer

Deck the halls with boughs of holly and deck my right hand with a few drams of single barrel Scotch from the Whisky Advent Calendar. Yeah, like I'll be able to spread that pot of peaty liquid gold over 24 whole days...

Buy Now

Star Shower Laser Christmas Lights

$56 from Amazon »

You can Sparkle Magic the oak tree in your front yard. You can make a Snow Flurry down your exterior siding. Or you can unleash a Star Shower across your entire property. All of these laser-projected holiday lights produce...

Buy Now

Star Wars Ugly Christmas Sweaters

$29.99 - $64.95 from Amazon »

If Star Wars is on the Ugly Christmas Sweater scene now, I think we need to remove the "Ugly" modifier from the term. How about Star Wars Galactically Awesome Christmas Sweaters instead? Particularly the one spotlighting...

Check it out

Ugly Christmas Swimsuit

I have one thing to say to all of you who live in Southern California and Miami and Australia. You who will be sweating balls this Christmas instead of freezing your ass off making them out of snow: jerks. The only things...

Buy Now

Reindeer Hangover Ugly Christmas Sweater

$29.99 from Amazon »

Listen. The only reason I'm showing you a barfing reindeer ugly Christmas sweater on November 6th is that when I waited for another month to show it to you last year it sold out before I had the opportunity. So just swap...

Buy Now

Water To Wine Jesus Drink Markers

$8.95 from Amazon »

It's hard to look at these drink glass markers and not keeping coming back to some variation on the idea of hangin' with Jesus at your next party. But that sort of comment is in very poor taste, and if I'm anything I'm...