Household

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Glowing Toilet Paper

$9.90 from Amazon »

Who could use a radioactive mummy costume for Halloween? An exclamation point on your next toilet-tissue-themed prank? A beacon lighting the way to your Shit Box?...

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Hanging Harry Light Pull

Sold Out from Amazon »

Better get yours early because this Christmas, Harry is pushing to top Jesus on the list of Best Selling Hanged Man Stocking Stuffers. He's made of silicone rubber that has some heft to it, but isn't so hard it will knock...

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Drawer Decor Organizer

$25.99 from Drawer Decor »

No more cluttered kitchen drawers, no more utensils that rattle and roll around, no more organizing your spatulas and banana slicers only to have them fall right back into disarray....

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Wood Tub Caddy

$130 from Etsy »

The quandary of how to be both productive and submerged in hot, soapy water is solved. Artfully, with reclaimed oak from Pennsylvania, no less. The Wood Tub Caddy measures 29 x 11 inches and fits most standard bathtubs...

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Ice Kabobs

$21.99 from Amazon »

Behold, the white knight to your entertaining woes. Not only do they look cool, but Ice Kabobs are the one meal followers of low carb, clean eating, paleo, vegetarian, vegan, and raw foods diets can all savor at your...

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Macquarium

$199 from Macquarium »

Let your fish swim free of viruses. It's a no-brainer aquarium setup that even novice fish owners can learn to operate. And, of course, it's very stylish and a bit overpriced. But what else would you expect from Apple?...

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Mr. P Tape Dispenser

$25 from Wishing Fish »

Get your tape from the mouth of a little guy. No big deal. Use his toes to get a perfect tear at the end. Don't you hate it if there isn't a perfect tear at the end? Also, how many times have you cut your finger on that...

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The Ridge Slim Front Pocket Wallets

$45 - $105 from The Ridge »

Don't let overstuffed, bulging bi-folds infiltrate your pockets! Fight the Costanza Effect! Get on the Ridge! The Ridge slim front pocket wallets highlight 2 EDC must-haves, simplicity and compactness, across a line of...

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Back Alley Hooker Cards

$4.50 from Etsy »

The greatest love of all, is... apparently a hooker's love for her crack. I would argue there might be a stronger sentiment, but I've never tried crack before. I have been a hooker for a short period of time in the 80s...

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You Have Just Been Poisoned Pint Glass

Discontinued

I like my poison with coffee and cream. But, a pint of Guinness will do as well. And I think it's incredibly polite to notify me that I've been poisoned after, so I really appreciate the frankness the bottom of this pint...

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Children Of The Candy Corn

I never liked candy corn, and always looked down on all the poor kids who did like it. It always seemed like the lowest form of candy to me. But, it looks like the candy corn is going to get the last laugh. Patient 0...

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Cat Scratch DJ Meow Mix

$30 from SUCK UK »

Everyone suspects that their cat is a pretty decent DJ. But does your cat have what it takes to spin at the big Vegas venues? Could he host a Kardashian party.... the ultimate gig? Don't just throw him directly into the...

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The Death Of A Crayon

He's lived a long and fruitful life. He's been up your kid's nose and in your dog's mouth. He spent a summer between the couch cushions in the basement. You found him one day on top of the defunct radiator in a failed...

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Lightsaber Candlestick

$39.99 from ThinkGeek »

When planning to have Luke, Obi Wan and Yoda over for a dinner party last month, it occurred to me that they might like to feel a little bit of home while in my strange quasi-bachelor pad apartment. You can imagine my...

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Essey Bin Bin Waste Basket

$57 from Amazon »

Is there something perfectly cyclical about throwing your garbage away in a trash can (who calls them waste baskets? weirdos.) made to look like an actual piece of garbage? I say yes. It's the circle of trash....

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Ctrl-Alt-Delete Cup Set

$11.99 from ThinkGeek »

What percentage of people in 2011 actually know the significance of ctrl alt delete anyway? Are people still afraid of computers? Do YOU know what will happen if you hold those 3 keys down in unison? I dare you to try...

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SpillNot No-Spill Mug Holder

$14.99 from Amazon »

Cancer is still a problem, but some damn genius has finally solved the problem of spilling coffee all over the place all of the time. It seems like your arm would get tired having to constantly spin this thing around...

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Star Wars Kids Prints

$70 from Etsy »

Available individually (for $20) or in this set of four, these prints depict some of your favorite Star Wars characters as children. Each print is 12x12 inches with a semi-gloss finish. Great for Star Wars fans... obviously....

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The World According To Americans

$8.25 - $47.95 from Zazzle »

With the possible exception of the "AIDS" label that's covering half of Africa, some of these American stereotypes of the rest of world are surprisingly lacking in wickedness. I would have expected less superficial ignorance...

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Pure Black Kitchen Knife

$100.38 from Amazon »

All black and 8.5 inches from tip to tang... once you use this black instrument, you'll never go back to another. My wife has been begging me for one of these. I'm hesitant to oblige her for many reasons...

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Buttered Popcorn Air Freshener

Need to gain a little weight? Does your apartment smell like a a 4 day old cheeseburger with a side of socks? Enter the buttered popcorn scented air freshener. It's hard enough not to constantly eat popcorn all day, but...

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Wanted Shower Curtain

Sold Out from Amazon »

This opaque white curtain will make your unsuspecting guests crap in their pants when they walk into your bathroom to crap in your toilet. Possible side effects may include... a stroke, heart attack and worst of all...

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King Kong Themed Home Theater

A King Kong inspired home theater setup from Tom Spina Designs. The same geniuses that brought you the Avenger's Desk have an amazing imagination so you don't have to. Great job guys....

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Condiment Gun

$16.83 from Amazon »

Shoot up your hamburger in style with this condiment filled side-arm. I have a feeling if a family owns two of these, the mom (or dad if the family is really weird) is going to have a lot of cleanup to do after lunch....

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You Suck At Parking Business Cards

$18.95 from Zazzle »

Personally, I think people should be thrown in jail for bad parking. Bad parkers fall into 2 groups... The first, just aren't mentally capable of parking well. And the second just don't give a shit. If jail isn't an option...

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MMA Throwdown Bed

A great way to settle arguments between siblings, the MMA throwdown bed gives parents the option to let their children battle to the death before night night time. No biting or hair pulling please....

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The Bierstick

$19.95 from Bierstick »

So long beer bong. Pump up to 24 ounces of cold, tasty, inhibition stealing beer down your gullet in less than two seconds with the Bierstick. It's like a 2x multiplier for having fun. You're gonna have fun anyway...

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Lit Joint Birthday Candles

$12.99 from Amazon »

Generally the joint comes first then the birthday cake gets shoveled down your gullet like you just got back from an unplanned 3 day excursion in the woods. Great novelty gift for all of your stoner friends or progressive...

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Shark Attack Mug

$24.99 from Amazon »

The first few sips from this innocent looking porcelain mug are pretty tame, but as you continue drinking things get a lot more exciting. What's that lurking in the murky depths of your morning coffee? It's a damn shark....

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Martyr Monkey Night Light

Discontinued

Description for the blind: It's a night light that's made to look like a monkey pulling a plug out of the holes, or socket as some might say. Get it? The light bulb is the monkey's head. Well.... sorry. You really have...

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Minimalist Superheroes Print

$14 from Society 6 »

A minimalist print depicting some legendary and not so legendary superheroes. An incredibly engaging and interactive idea. A great conversation piece and a fun new experience each time someone sees it for the first time....

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Labyrinth Aquarium

$6,500 from Opulent Items »

Fish are smart. Everyone knows this. A fake ceramic treasure chest and plastic plants get old after a few minutes. Enter the labyrinth. A veritable swimmer's amusement park for aquatic life, this will keep your smelly...

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Defusable Alarm Clock

Sold Out from Amazon »

Sometimes an alarm just isn't enough. It's too easy to press snooze and get another 10 minutes in. Before you know it, you're late. Here's your solution....

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Nose Shower Gel Dispenser

$9.98 from Amazon »

Imagine if you will that you're cleaning yourself with a bunch of snot. Hard to imagine? I have the perfect solution. Buy this big fake nose and have your liquid soap (or snot) drip out of it onto your hands so you can...

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Zombie Fried Rice

Discontinued

From the makers of Zombie Cordon Bleu comes a cheaper greasier alternative. They say this stuff will make you feel dead... tired and hungry for more within the hour. The Chinese think of Zombie as a delicacy and have...

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Ice Screams Ice Tray

$9.50 from Amazon »

Brilliant ice cube tray based of off the famous painting "The Scream" which is often described as dealing with themes of fear, anxiety and depersonalization disorder. My analysis? Someone did some acid or 'shrooms and...

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Bad Table

Creative table design beats your dog to the punch... then urinates it all over your carpet. Made with western maple and aluminum, this is just one of many creative designs from Straight Line Design....

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Ninjabread Men Cookie Cutters

$10.56 from Amazon »

The Gingerbread Man always acted like such a wuss. Enter The Ninjabread Man. I think he could slide right into all of our favorite Christmas stories and nobody would bat an eyelash. Please use black icing. Stars sold...

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Maze Door Chain Lock

$49.99 from ThinkGeek »

Equally adept at keeping your more retarded friends locked in as getting them all killed in a fire, the Defendius Labyrinth Security Lock is a pretty cool concept. Wouldn't this be better for impeding entry to keep all...

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Old Fashioned S'Mores Maker

Sold Out from Amazon »

Some damn genius figured out how to bring s'mores away from the campfire and into the kitchen. And there's no pre-heating? I hate pre-heating. Pre-heating is for suckers and proactivists (just made up a word!). In a related...

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Phone App Fridge Magnets

$6.47 from Amazon »

I tried to stick a magnet to my fridge the other day and it just slid down the face of the fridge door and fell limply to the ground. I wonder what my fridge is made out of. I'm also confused as to what metals are actually...

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Lightsaber Handle Flashlights

$17.49 from Amazon »

Let's face it, even though we're adults now (sort of), we're still very damn scared a little bit scared of the dark. Rather than walk this path alone, why not carry a known Jedi weapon at your side? It provides a sense...

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The Original Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine

$29.98 from Amazon »

There are a few items from my childhood I've been trying to hunt down for a while. A slush puppy machine (not slurpee, slurpees suck), an armitron, Debbie Does Dallas VHS tape and this. I'm gonna get a brain freeze....

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Bacon Scented Soap

$7.35 from Amazon »

Do you want to walk around all day with drool on ya lips and a rumblin' in ya stomach? Do you want to be chased down the street by random fatties who are drawn to you by the smell of your skin? Do you want dogs to attack...

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Rubik's Cube Mug

$18.95 from Amazon »

The perfect gift for the coffee drinking puzzle solver. In 2nd grade, I used to physically take apart rubik's cubes and put them back together all perfect looking. My teacher thought I was a genius. And really, isn't...

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Han Solo Ice Cube Tray

Sold Out from Amazon »

"I was under the impression it would hold molten carbonite as it states clearly in the title this is a carbonite MOLD and it's very poorly constructed for this purpose. Secondly, it's SMALL. No, you can't put people in...

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Mechanical Christ - Technological Crucifixion

Discontinued

Though probably the type of installation that has to be seen in person for true appreciation, the photos are still pretty darn phenomenal. I feel like you could stare at this marvel of intricacy for an hour every day...

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Gummi Shot Glasses

Sold Out from Amazon »

These make jello shots a lot simpler I guess. Slam the shot, eat the glass. In Australia, their version of lick it, suck it, slam it instead goes... squirt it, slam it, snort it. First, you squirt lemon juice in your...