Household

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Condiment Gun

$17.95 from Amazon »

Shoot up your hamburger in style with this condiment filled side-arm. I have a feeling if a family owns two of these, the mom (or dad if the family is really weird) is going to have a lot of cleanup to do after lunch....

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You Suck At Parking Business Cards

$18.95 from Zazzle »

Personally, I think people should be thrown in jail for bad parking. Bad parkers fall into 2 groups... The first, just aren't mentally capable of parking well. And the second just don't give a shit. If jail isn't an option...

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MMA Throwdown Bed

A great way to settle arguments between siblings, the MMA throwdown bed gives parents the option to let their children battle to the death before night night time. No biting or hair pulling please....

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The Bierstick

$19.95 from Bierstick »

So long beer bong. Pump up to 24 ounces of cold, tasty, inhibition stealing beer down your gullet in less than two seconds with the Bierstick. It's like a 2x multiplier for having fun. You're gonna have fun anyway...

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Lit Joint Birthday Candles

$6.83 from Amazon »

Generally the joint comes first then the birthday cake gets shoveled down your gullet like you just got back from an unplanned 3 day excursion in the woods. Great novelty gift for all of your stoner friends or progressive...

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Shark Attack Mug

Sold Out from Amazon »

The first few sips from this innocent looking porcelain mug are pretty tame, but as you continue drinking things get a lot more exciting. What's that lurking in the murky depths of your morning coffee? It's a damn shark....

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Martyr Monkey Night Light

Discontinued

Description for the blind: It's a night light that's made to look like a monkey pulling a plug out of the holes, or socket as some might say. Get it? The light bulb is the monkey's head. Well.... sorry. You really have...

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Minimalist Superheroes Print

$14 from Society 6 »

A minimalist print depicting some legendary and not so legendary superheroes. An incredibly engaging and interactive idea. A great conversation piece and a fun new experience each time someone sees it for the first time....

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Labyrinth Aquarium

$6,500 from Opulent Items »

Fish are smart. Everyone knows this. A fake ceramic treasure chest and plastic plants get old after a few minutes. Enter the labyrinth. A veritable swimmer's amusement park for aquatic life, this will keep your smelly...

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Defusable Alarm Clock

Sold Out from Amazon »

Sometimes an alarm just isn't enough. It's too easy to press snooze and get another 10 minutes in. Before you know it, you're late. Here's your solution....

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Nose Shower Gel Dispenser

$10.98 from Amazon »

Imagine if you will that you're cleaning yourself with a bunch of snot. Hard to imagine? I have the perfect solution. Buy this big fake nose and have your liquid soap (or snot) drip out of it onto your hands so you can...

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Zombie Fried Rice

Discontinued

From the makers of Zombie Cordon Bleu comes a cheaper greasier alternative. They say this stuff will make you feel dead... tired and hungry for more within the hour. The Chinese think of Zombie as a delicacy and have...

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Ice Screams Ice Tray

$9.50 from Amazon »

Brilliant ice cube tray based of off the famous painting "The Scream" which is often described as dealing with themes of fear, anxiety and depersonalization disorder. My analysis? Someone did some acid or 'shrooms and...

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Bad Table

Creative table design beats your dog to the punch... then urinates it all over your carpet. Made with western maple and aluminum, this is just one of many creative designs from Straight Line Design....

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Ninjabread Men Cookie Cutters

$14.18 from Amazon »

The Gingerbread Man always acted like such a wuss. Enter The Ninjabread Man. I think he could slide right into all of our favorite Christmas stories and nobody would bat an eyelash. Please use black icing. Stars sold...

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Maze Door Chain Lock

$49.99 from ThinkGeek »

Equally adept at keeping your more retarded friends locked in as getting them all killed in a fire, the Defendius Labyrinth Security Lock is a pretty cool concept. Wouldn't this be better for impeding entry to keep all...

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Old Fashioned S'Mores Maker

Sold Out from Amazon »

Some damn genius figured out how to bring s'mores away from the campfire and into the kitchen. And there's no pre-heating? I hate pre-heating. Pre-heating is for suckers and proactivists (just made up a word!). In a related...

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Phone App Fridge Magnets

$8.99 from Amazon »

I tried to stick a magnet to my fridge the other day and it just slid down the face of the fridge door and fell limply to the ground. I wonder what my fridge is made out of. I'm also confused as to what metals are actually...

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Lightsaber Handle Flashlights

$21.95 from Amazon »

Let's face it, even though we're adults now (sort of), we're still very damn scared a little bit scared of the dark. Rather than walk this path alone, why not carry a known Jedi weapon at your side? It provides a sense...

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The Original Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine

$30.47 from Amazon »

There are a few items from my childhood I've been trying to hunt down for a while. A slush puppy machine (not slurpee, slurpees suck), an armitron, Debbie Does Dallas VHS tape and this. I'm gonna get a brain freeze....

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Bacon Scented Soap

$4.98 from Amazon »

Do you want to walk around all day with drool on ya lips and a rumblin' in ya stomach? Do you want to be chased down the street by random fatties who are drawn to you by the smell of your skin? Do you want dogs to attack...

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Rubik's Cube Mug

Sold Out from Amazon »

The perfect gift for the coffee drinking puzzle solver. In 2nd grade, I used to physically take apart rubik's cubes and put them back together all perfect looking. My teacher thought I was a genius. And really, isn't...

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Han Solo Ice Cube Tray

Sold Out from Amazon »

"I was under the impression it would hold molten carbonite as it states clearly in the title this is a carbonite MOLD and it's very poorly constructed for this purpose. Secondly, it's SMALL. No, you can't put people in...

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Mechanical Christ - Technological Crucifixion

Discontinued

Though probably the type of installation that has to be seen in person for true appreciation, the photos are still pretty darn phenomenal. I feel like you could stare at this marvel of intricacy for an hour every day...

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Gummi Shot Glasses

Sold Out from Amazon »

These make jello shots a lot simpler I guess. Slam the shot, eat the glass. In Australia, their version of lick it, suck it, slam it instead goes... squirt it, slam it, snort it. First, you squirt lemon juice in your...

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Banana Slicer

$5.23 from Amazon »

Slicing a banana has just become 20x easier. What? Slicing a banana wasn't difficult in the first place? Neither is folding my clothes, but I haven't done that in 3 months. Mankind is in constant search of ways to improve...

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The Animal Chair Collection

The Animal Chair collection constitutes a diverse range of species, from mammals to reptiles, and even including insects. Each creation retains the animal's natural vitality whilst being totally biological accurate in...

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Typomaps

Americans = retards when it comes to geography.... and spelling. Come to think of it, we don't excel at much of anything these days. This map hopes to solve at least the first two problems, as well as adding a touch of...

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Enignum Wooden Canopy Bed

This belongs on The Game of Thrones or Lord of the Rings. This bed made of ash and featuring silk curtains, is part of a collection of furniture. I think this bed is probably too good for me. If I laid my dirty feet down...

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Alcohol By Volume Glass

$3 from ThinkGeek »

This is like a 1950s breathalizer. It has measurements along the side of the glass for every kind of booze imaginable so you can measure just how drunk you're getting. They should also sell and egg timer along with this...

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Animated Snake Wreath

Discontinued

If I were a normal 16 year old 8 year old out trick or treating and I walked up to a door and this thing started moving, I might crap my drawers.... and I haven't done that since college. Checkout the video on the product...

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$20,000 Hypoallergenic Designer House Cat

Discontinued

The Ashera is possibly the only cat that is acceptable for a single male to own. Because it's about the size of an ocelot, and weighs 30 freakin' pounds. And that's 30 pounds of genetically-gifted muscle, not 30 pounds...

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Home Popsicle Maker

$55.95 from Amazon »

Can you make Bomb Pops with this? I bet you can. Cream filling? Yep! And only 7 minutes until ready. That's my kind of gift. I hate taking 1 hour to make food and 3 minutes to eat it. For real....

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Home Soda Making Kit

$81 from Amazon »

This is some Willy Wonka shit right here. You take normal everyday water, and this machine turns it into soda, or sody as my grandma would have called it. It's almost like a machine that takes regular old paper and turns...

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Ice Luge

$19.65 from Amazon »

It's been a while since I've done an ice block shot. Too long. This seems like a really good housewarming gift. Tell me you're not gonna be the life of the party if you show up with this thing. And come solo because you're...

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Mechanical Christ Series - The Fast Supper

Discontinued

I don't even know how to describe this. I think it's both the scariest and coolest thing I've seen all week. It's like a combination of Star Wars and Mad Max. I can here my mom already, "Why do you want something like...

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Hopside Down Beer Glass

$9.95 from Amazon »

I like to keep my beer almost slushy it's so cold. And I never disrespect wood. These double wall glasses are the perfect solution. They help insulate your drink from your fat, hot, grubby little hands while keeping your...

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Pick Your Nose Paper Cups

$13.15 from Amazon »

Cyrano de Bergerac's dream cups. When sippers tip their heads to take a drink, it appears they've grown a different nose and sometimes even a mustache. The pack includes a total of 24 cups, evenly divided between male...

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Message Bean

$18 from A+R Store »

A message bean? Usually I depend on tea leaves to tell my future, but a bean is seemingly just as arbitrary and unreliable as tea leaves, so this should be the perfect way to make some serious life decisions. Or, you...

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Domsai Terrariums

$150 from A+R Store »

The future is here. Unlike those pedestrian technical toys that require "feeding," the Domsai is high design and beautiful and actually requires a bit of water and sunlight. But you can leave them unattended for long...

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Star Wars Cookie Cutters

$19.95 from Williams Sonoma »

Luke (inhale, exhale) I am a cookie. Simple way to turn your stupid, boring, crappy cookies into something out of this galaxy. God I love cookies. If you don't like cookies, try the pancakes....

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Marvel Superhero Brownie Pan

Discontinued

I don't know shit about baking, but I know plenty about eating. And these are gonna taste better than your average cupcake or brownie. And if they don't you can smash them into each other and see which one is the toughest....

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The Evolution of Video Game Controllers

The complete evolutionary tree of the video game controller, tracking 82 species and 9 genera over four decades. Printed in rich indigo ink. My favorite is still the Intellivision controller which was basically a phone...

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KOZO 2 Desk Lamp

Discontinued

Industrial style desk lamp made from galvanized cast iron piping. This is a masculine piece of lamp that will tell your visitors that you ain't messin' around while you sit at your quaint little desk and read celebrity...

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Industrial Cactus Lamp Sculpture

Discontinued

Welcome to the future. Or the past... I'm not sure which. One thing I am sure of is this lamp gives its owner instant style cred. Set this on your desk and you have an instant conversation starter....

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Idea Paint

So, you paint your walls with this stuff and it basically turns your house into a giant whiteboard. Then you can write all of your crappy ideas that you'll never follow through on all over your house. And, you could draw...

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AK47 Ice Cube Tray

$2.63 from Amazon »

I wonder what happens if you're choking on an ice cube? I think I would just calmly wait until it melted like a complete gangster. Though last week, I almost choked on my wad of 4 pieces of trident gum and went into hysterics...

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Pet Jellyfish Tank

$365.99 from Jellyfishart.com »

This is one of the coolest products we've come across in a long time. These are real damn jellyfish swimming around in your house. This is a very legitimate site and has a solution for all budgets....

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Zombie Doorstop

$19.95 from NeatoShop.com »

I once crushed a live chameleon that lived in my office underneath a door when I opened it. This is very similar to the way it looked after. I had to have my partner throw it in the dumpster after that....

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Liquor Scented High Lather Soap Bars

$6 from Etsy »

These are really cool and come in all sorts of flavors. They taste great and if you're not too drunk by the end of your shower, you stand a 50/50 shot at getting clean too... although you'll still smell like last night....

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Zen Style Modern Ashtray

Sold Out from Amazon »

This modern Japanese ashtray comes with zen garden pebbles to make you feel more at peace with your decision to pollute your lungs with the sweet and savory taste of the wonderful nerve calming smoke of a cigarette. Cigars...

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The Ex Knifeholder

$159 from Amazon »

You can't stab your ex for real. Well, you can, and some do, but our jails are really getting crowded. So use this instead. It has the additional benefit of keeping your knife situation tidy. It also comes with 5 new...

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His and Hers Key Holders

$39.99 from Amazon »

Do you lose your keys like some kind of retard all of the time? Do you have a nagging wife that you can't get rid of? Then this is the perfect item for you. Also makes a good housewarming gift....

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Origami Napkins

Sold Out from Amazon »

Instead of sitting there with a scowl on your puss banging your knife and fork against the table, learn a little ancient Japanese craftsmanship with this set of origami napkins. At 40 per package, these should keep you...

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Circular Saw Pizza Cutter

$10.55 from Amazon »

This is pretty cool. Looks like it might provide a little better leverage than your average pizza cutter. The cutter has a removable shield for easy clean up and a stainless steal blade. Dishwasher safe (only way I know...

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Dragon Style Toilet Paper Holder

Sold Out from Amazon »

This toilet paper must first pass beneath the smoldering nostrils of the legendary dragon, ruler of the skies, defender of kingdoms, maker of kings, before... cleaning the brown bits off of your butt hole....

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Self Sustaining Ecosphere

$47.99 - $399.99 from Amazon »

Sea monkeys anyone? More like tiny shrimps. A bit redundant, but that's what's in there. No diaper changing. No picking up shit with a plastic bag. No feeding. No nothing. These are the best friends money can buy. Buy...

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Grand Leather Bean Bag Chair

These look like they would be good for two things. Playing video games and sitting in while you're high. If you want to have the perfect day, get high, sink into this beauty and turn FIFA socer 2011 on the PS3....