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Silencing Slider - Cheeseburger Ball Gag

By: on April 18, 2015
$99.99
from
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I'll have a quarter pounder with...please. Yes, please, Master, bite me! Bite me hard and put the marks of your ownership on my flesh while I, your slave, receive my punishment in complete submission. Silently mowing down on the natural food grade silicone rubber of my cheeseburger ball gag, and contemplating the magnificence of your rule...and also what I'm going to order at 5 Guys when we're done here.

In what is probably the best (and only?) demonstration of whimsical, yet practical, BDSM I've seen yet, Gorge Ohwell presents the Silencing Slider. Handmade and ergonomically designed, this fat patty and glutinous bun will "comfortably plug even the loudest of burger holes." Its non-toxic, food grade materials carry no unpleasant plastic smells or odors. At least before you start shoving it into your favorite human cavities. The adjustable leather strap fits heads measuring 14" to 21".

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Naughty People Outlet Stickers

$8.10 from Amazon »

These naughty people. Doing doggy style on an electrical outlet. Didn't their mamas teach them anything? Dude better keep his finger out of his lady's mouth (and eyes if they're into that sort of thing) or this love session...

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Luxury Mile High Club Experience

$7,750 from Wish.co.uk »

Don't just simulate them in a Jet Bed, realize your aero-fantasies with the Luxury Mile High Club Experience. Wish.co.uk, peddlers of myriad activities intended to prevent life and its inhabitants from becoming boring...

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Boregasm Pills

Good thing yawns and O faces look about the same because, thanks to research being conducted by a handful of (presumably exhausted and horny) PhD students at Indiana University's The Kinsey Institute, they're about to...

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Japanese Electric Piston Masturbator (NSFW)

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Note: The Japanese electric piston masturbator's NSFW designation serves not so much as a reminder that this device is not suitable to view at work as it does a reminder that it is not suitable to use at work. I found...

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LaunchPAD - Fleshlight iPad Case (NSFW)

$29.95 from Fleshlight »

Though it's not electric or piston-powered...or Japanese...like this friendly sex toy, the LaunchPAD does employ advanced technology in a valiant effort to enhance Man's alone time. The makers of male masturbatory aid...

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The Pop-up Book of Sex (NSFW)

$127.63 from Amazon »

It's a good thing The Pop-up Book of Sex came to us (hard, I hear) over 10 years ago because the decade in between gave YouTubers plenty of time to put together a detailed video flip-through of every single one of the...

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The Big Coloring Book of Vaginas (NSFW)

$10.88 from Amazon »

Is further product description really needed? First there was Georgia O'Keefe, now there is author and illustrator Morgan Hastings. Black-and-white outlines of anatomical wonders beg for your acrylic and Crayola technicolor...

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Little Rooster Alarm Clock Vibrator

$99 from Amazon »

Oh (face) no, the rooster's crowing (buzzing) already?! Come (yes, please) on! Do I really have to get up (off)? I hear you, ladies. It's a brutal world of mornings, alarms, and orgasms we live in. I'll keep my fingers...

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Paco's Taco Stroker

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At first I was like, Who the h-e-double-boner named this kitchen tool "Paco's Taco Stroker?" I'm going to make so many masturbation jokes when I write about it. And then I looked closer and was like, Holy hard-on! They...

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Sex Positions You Never Thought Possible (NSFW)

$17.99 from Amazon »

Remember that one time you let some chick drag you to hot yoga because she too was hot and you wanted to see her do bendy things in spandex pants, but then you ended up spending the whole class lying on your back trying...

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Vibrating Bicycle Seat

$43 from SexShop 365 »

A heads up to politicians and city planners: stop wasting your money on bike lanes, tax incentives, and PSA campaigns. All you need do to persuade your constituents to trade in cars for bicycles on their morning commute...

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i.Con Smart Condom Penis Tracker

British Condoms' i.Con isn't the first sexual fitness tracker to make the rounds in the UK--back in 2014 Bondara teased, but then never released the SexFit. At printing, i.Con was doing the same. Teasing your eager overachiever...