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Life-Size Minecraft Creeper

By: on April 04, 2013
$400
from
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Personally, I'd be opposed to cuddling with one of these Creeper SOBs, but maybe Minecraft fans who have better reconciled the differences between pixelated computer screen graphics and real life will appreciate the whimsy of the life-size green plush. I just hope you're not spooning with it one night only to wake up to this hiss of, "That'sssss a very nice beating heart you've got there. It would be a ssssshame if anything were to happen to it."

Huggable Minecraft villains measure 60" or so end-to-end (the couch this one is lounging on is 75" long) and come stuffed with the buyer's choice of poly-fill/fiberfill or bean bag balls. Buyers can also request their Creeper in non-traditional colors, such as red, orange, blue, pink, and yellow.

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Sex Positions You Never Thought Possible (NSFW)

$15.73 from Amazon »

Remember that one time you let some chick drag you to hot yoga because she too was hot and you wanted to see her do bendy things in spandex pants, but then you ended up spending the whole class lying on your back trying...

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Reversible Sequin Mermaid Pillows

$10 from Amazon »

These reversible sequin Mermaid Pillows are like a tactile Etch-A-Sketch made from a drag queen's donations to Goodwill! They're covered in two-sided, two-toned sequins that flip when you run your hands and fingers along...

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Acid Trip Pillow

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The actual name of this product is Moonlight Pillow. Really? Has the moon been eating Skittles? Did it swallow a gay pride parade? Because the moon I look at has certainly never gleamed the entire Roy G Biv rainbow. Except...

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The Royal Purple No-Pressure Seat Cushion

$79.99 from Amazon »

Check out this video of a dude sitting on an egg without breaking it. It's Purple's most viral-icious way of depicting their seat cushions' #1 selling point: put your butt on a Purple and you'll feel like you're sitting...

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Sleep Suit

If the Ostrich Pillow doesn't provide enough coverage and anonymity for your power naps, how about the patent-pending Sleep Suit? Designed by Architect Forrest Jessee as an experimental medium for testing out Buckminster...

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Feisty Pets

$19.99 - $29.99 from Amazon »

These Feisty Pets are the perfect way to teach your kids about the true nature of animals. All cuddly puppy and squishy bear and magical unicorn at first sight, but get too close and...Rrrrrawwwrrr! Back the F off, son...

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You Is Fine Bears

$17 - $49.99 from Love Is Lame »

Do you love her? Eh. Is she cute? Heh. She is way beyond cute, dude. Hot? HOT. Like... Hotter than Olivia Munn all tatted up and devouring a chili dog in a Xena costume? Uh.... Basically every time I see her all I can...

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The Privacy Pillow

$27.49 from Amazon »

Sure the Privacy Pillow can store your cash, jewelry, passports, and mint condition first edition Star Wars action figures. Orrrr it can store other types of valuables. Types of which you may find yourself in sudden and...

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Sleep Yoga Posture Pillows

$54.90 - $74.24 from Amazon »

To me, yoga at its finest means Savasana. Corpse pose. Lie there in a hot room on a cold day and think of nothing but your deep inhale [belly rise] and deep exhale [belly fall]. With maybe a thought or two spared for...

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Interactive LED Tables

I hope anyone who has one of these nifty Interactive LED Tables also has a few gallons of disinfectant on hand, because the two primary modes of interaction I foresee with their pressure-sensitive, illuminative surfaces...

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Undead Teds - Your Bear, Zombified

$110 - $140 from Undead Teds »

Whoa. I thought the scariest thing I'd ever seen was a real live British boy who looks like Chucky, but Undead Teds have staged a coup and now reign supreme. Even if they don't have the same bone-chilling, soprano accent....

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Ostrich Pillow

$87.98 from Amazon »

If looking like a complete schmo in an Ostrich Pillow means that I can sleep through transcontinental flights and my boss' stories about his Junior Samba Champion grandson, then bring on the gawks and guffaws. I won't...