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Blobfish Plush

By: on March 20, 2014
$14.99
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Snuggle up with God's ugliest creature. It's true. The blobfish wins all the Most Horrific Beast on the Planet contests, and as I've previously mentioned here, I think it might be my curse to be reincarnated as one. Legend even has it that during the Flood, Noah confided in the polar bears and triceratops how grateful he was that blobfish prefer to live on an earth entirely submerged in water anyway because he could not have survived 40 days of looking at those gelatinous SOBs at breakfast every morning.

Too bad Noah didn't live beyond age 974 or something; if he were still alive today, I'd give him this blobfish plush as a gag gift.

Officially the Psychrolutes marcidus, blobfish live off the coasts of Australia and Tasmania at ocean depths of over 2,000 feet. The pressure at these levels is so strong their survival actually depends on their slimy, contortional blobbiness. With a density just slightly lower than water's blobfish lumber along a few inches above the ocean floor, exerting no energy and eating anything with the misfortune of floating into their mouths. Huh. Replace floating above the ocean floor with sitting on the couch and floating into their mouths with whatever my mama cooks me, and maybe our lives aren't so different. Maybe becoming a blobfish wouldn't be so bad after all.

Owning a stuffed one definitely wouldn't be so bad. Then I'd have something to hug when I get sucked into Brian's Song and end up blubbering like a schoolgirl even though I keep swearing I'll never watch it again. Blobfish plushes are a fairly sizable 24" long x 15" wide x 12" tall.

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TRITON - Human Gills

Discontinued

TRITON, the human gills design concept I showed you dudes here 2 years ago (and which many of you had mucho to say about in our comments section) is running a crowdfunding campaign to actually produce the equpiment. TRITONs....

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Largemouth Bass Slippers

$15.99 - $22.69 from Amazon »

Good news, pescatarians! They've finally started making slippers out of fish - check out these largemouth bass slippers! - so you'll have something to wear while everyone else dons their bunnies, piggies, chickies, and...

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Yomo Simple Sushi Maker

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People always talk about sushi making as this formidable, elusive craft that many have tried, but all but the most elite and Jiro-Ono-blessed have failed to execute well. And while I basically agree with this assessment...

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Fish Aquarium Sink

$4,500 from Opulent Items »

Moving goldfish out of the living room and into the bathroom for a perfect view of what will surely be their place of final burial, down the toilet, seems like an illogical move. That is, until you see this awesome fish...

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Pet Jellyfish Tank

$365.99 from Jellyfishart.com »

This is one of the coolest products we've come across in a long time. These are real damn jellyfish swimming around in your house. This is a very legitimate site and has a solution for all budgets....

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Subwing - Underwater Hang Glider

$490 - $895 from Subwing »

You know those dreams you have when you're flying, spinning, disoriented, or drowning? They're all about to come true. At once. The SUBWING underwater glider attaches to a rope and boat at one end, and your death grip...

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You Is Fine Bears

$17 - $49.99 from Love Is Lame »

Do you love her? Eh. Is she cute? Heh. She is way beyond cute, dude. Hot? HOT. Like... Hotter than Olivia Munn all tatted up and devouring a chili dog in a Xena costume? Uh.... Basically every time I see her all I can...

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JellyTank Jellyfish Aquarium

$150 - $175 from JellyTank »

If you've always wanted a sweet jellyfish aquarium, but had to concede that Beyonce was right when she kept telling you, "I don't think you're ready for this jelly," have a look at JellyTank. The forthcoming aquarium...

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Feisty Pets

$19.99 - $29.99 from Amazon »

These Feisty Pets are the perfect way to teach your kids about the true nature of animals. All cuddly puppy and squishy bear and magical unicorn at first sight, but get too close and...Rrrrrawwwrrr! Back the F off, son...

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SKINZIT Electric Fish Skinner

$149.95 from Amazon »

Skin my fish? But, but--to quote my grandma when I said I didn't want to eat anything from bread crusts to chicken gizzards when I was a kid--that's the best part! The SKINZIT Electric Fish Skinner says it makes quick...

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GloFish Fluorescent Fish

$6.59 - $98.95 from GloFish »

One fish, two fish, GloFish, blue fish. Fluorescent Cosmic Blue fish. Or Starfire Red. Or Galactic Purple. GloFish are brilliantly bright fish that fluoresce, or glow, under blue light....

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Kombo Fish Tool

$29.95 from Kombo »

It bonks! Nicely. It cuts! Safely. It cleans! Efficiently. It sharpens! Er...sharply. And it floats. The Kombo Fish is a rugged, seafood-dinner-centric multi-tool that hopes to become an invaluable part of your tackle...