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Blobfish Plush

By: on March 20, 2014
Blobfish Plush
$14.99
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Snuggle up with God's ugliest creature. It's true. The blobfish wins all the Most Horrific Beast on the Planet contests, and as I've previously mentioned here, I think it might be my curse to be reincarnated as one. Legend even has it that during the Flood, Noah confided in the polar bears and triceratops how grateful he was that blobfish prefer to live on an earth entirely submerged in water anyway because he could not have survived 40 days of looking at those gelatinous SOBs at breakfast every morning.

Too bad Noah didn't live beyond age 974 or something; if he were still alive today, I'd give him this blobfish plush as a gag gift.

Officially the Psychrolutes marcidus, blobfish live off the coasts of Australia and Tasmania at ocean depths of over 2,000 feet. The pressure at these levels is so strong their survival actually depends on their slimy, contortional blobbiness. With a density just slightly lower than water's blobfish lumber along a few inches above the ocean floor, exerting no energy and eating anything with the misfortune of floating into their mouths. Huh. Replace floating above the ocean floor with sitting on the couch and floating into their mouths with whatever my mama cooks me, and maybe our lives aren't so different. Maybe becoming a blobfish wouldn't be so bad after all.

Owning a stuffed one definitely wouldn't be so bad. Then I'd have something to hug when I get sucked into Brian's Song and end up blubbering like a schoolgirl even though I keep swearing I'll never watch it again. Blobfish plushes are a fairly sizable 24" long x 15" wide x 12" tall.