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Rustic Porch Swing Bed

By: on April 17, 2014
$1,199 - $1,699
from
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Even if I weren't the Laziest Man Alive I could get down with a king-size mattress hoisted atop a solid wood porch swing bed. Swaying supine in the June breeze, dozing and drooling, sipping 7 & 7 Big Gulps...ahhh, it's the Summer 2014 of my dreams. And I've still got 2 months for that old lady I've been playing Backgammon with on Thursdays to die and leave me the money to make it happen.

Jim and Robin Cannon of GOD's Rustic Workshop in North Carolina craft their swing beds with locust accents and oversized arm rests for holding drinks and bowls of Juanita's crack tortilla chips with guacamole. Each pastoral lounger comes with an 8" thick futon mattress, rope supports, and 4 eye bolts. Customers accept full responsibility for hanging the swings without breaking them, their porches, or their own toes in the process.

Available in Twin, Full, Queen, and King sizes, the Twin porch swing's mattress measures 39" x 75" x 8", and outer dimensions 44" x 91" x 25". King mattresses increase to 76" x 80" x 8", and frames to 81" x 96" x 25". The pictured bed is supporting a queen mattress, which the Cannons note allows enough room for several people to fit comfortably. Several is great, but a note to the ladies: just 3 would suit me just fine.

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Stargaze Swinging & Reclining Camp Chair

$219.95 from NEMO Equipment »

Lean back, take a sway to and fro', and have a little look at the night sky with NEMO's Stargaze reclining camp chair. A portable seat that swings & leans, leans & swings, the Stargaze looks to help you relax after a...

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iNyx - Self-Contained-Bedroom Bed

$9,999 from iNyx »

January 2017 Update: iNyx has now developed its own website. At printing, the online ordering system linked to an iNyx IndieGoGo crowdfunding page here....

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Zerobody Anti-Gravity Bed

The Zerobody is a sensory deprivation float tank that removes the one major P in the A side effect of floating: getting wet. (True, drowning is kind of a pain too, but most of these tanks have only about a foot of water...

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Smartduvet Breeze Heat & Cool Self-Making Bed

$199 from Smartduvet »

The Smartduvet self-making bed - no, really. The bed makes itself. Just watch. And that's old news. Smartduvet is now launching a next generation of their smart bedding, the Breeze, that adds dual-zone climate control...

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The Bird's Nest Bed

The Bird's Nest Bed can accommodate up to 16 people at once. Take note swingers, Mormons, women undergoing IVF treatments, and the Duggar family! The giant basin of comfort was brainstormed and brought to life by O*GE...

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The Harambed

It's called The Harambed. Lucid Mattress says it's the bed of your memes. And I know if you've been meming at all over the past year, you've been meming about Harambe, haven't you? Well put on your PJs and snuggle in...

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HiCan - The Never Leave Your Bed Bed

$55k from hi can »

Italian in both slick aesthetics and siesta-time concept, I exaggerate not when I say the HiCan high fidelity canopy bed will persuade its occupants never to leave its ultra-modern, four-poster confines. HiCan designer...

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Jet Beds

Oh boy. The magic of the sky meets the magic of where the magic happens. MotoArt, a group of daring-with-a-touch-of-devious mile-high artists, recycles old jet parts into exclusive, flashy pieces of furniture and home...

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King Bed with Doggie Insert

Discontinued

Jason Barton made a king bed with enough room for the King of the Bed. Which means you'll be sleeping on a cut piece of memory foam stuck in the 23" insert tacked onto its side....

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Lucid Dreaming Mask

Sold Out from Amazon »

The philosophy and science behind the Remee Lucid Dreaming Mask makes the most sense to the highly intelligent, the highly self-actualized, and the highly high. For the rest of us, watching the accompanying video is probably...

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The Purple Bed

$699 - $1,299 from Amazon »

I hope this Purple Bed isn't a People Eater disguised as a mattress. Because it sounds too good to be true. Both soft and firm in all the right spots. Temperature neutral, so it won't absorb heat and make you cold, or...

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Podtime Sleeping Pods

$2,165.09 from Firebox.com »

When I look at Podtime's new collapsible Sleeping Pod, an extra cozy 3.9' wide x 6.9' long personal retreat and slumbering space for college students, or anyone else on a crusade to find efficient luxury, exactly two...