The Office Spartan
If you aren't into chopping and dicing, but find yourself using a pencil every now and then, you can still incorporate an ornamental piece of Sparta into your life. Missing Digit previously blessed us with the Sparta Knife Block. Now the company has increased those blessings tenfold with the Office Spartan (officially: Bad Ass Office Spartan, or BAOS. Take that, King Leonidas!) If you have a good working relationship with your desk, Missing Digit suggests you give it "the honor of hosting one of the finest pen and pencil holders to ever defeat the wrath of so many armies."
Available in Natural, Red, Blue, Yellow, or Black, the Office Spartan's shield protects its face from your writing implements, and your writing implements from rolling off your desk and falling behind file cabinets. The warrior is also perpetually On guard! with a letter-opening spear. The BAOS set includes 10 slots for various cylindrical-shaped weapons of corporate conquer, 6 arrow fletchings for capping them, and a base large enough to hold Post-Its or display business cards. It stands around 7" tall.