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Breaking Bad Cross-Stitch Pattern

By: on July 17, 2012
$11.99
from
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Well here's your answer: No. Not even the country bumpkin flowers and granny pastels of a cross-stitch sampler can make Walter White look any less badass. Breaking Bad's chemistry teacher/meth brewer extraordinaire makes his arts & crafts fair debut courtesy of Etsy vendor Steotch's Kiss the Cook pattern. Steotch emphasizes that they are selling a pattern, not the finished product, and that stitching Herr Heisenberg framed by a precious pink tulip border is a challenging undertaking recommended only for highly experienced cross-stitchers.

Kiss the Cook patterns consist of 12 pages of complex charts and instructions, delivered as a PDF within 24 hours of purchase. The pattern should be stitched on 16-count Aida fabric, and requires 33 unique thread colors, plus multiple advanced stitching techniques. So basically, reconstructing Walter's Kiss the Cook sampler demands about the same levels of expertise and precision as concocting Heisenberg & Pinkman quality meth.

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Walter White Hyperflesh Mask

$22,100 from Ebay »

Worn, signed, and sweated upon by Bryan Cranston himself. Also mingled in: the DNA of Jimmy Fallon and Common, whom the Breaking Bad star let take a turn in this Landon Meier Hyperflesh Walter White mask at Comic-Con...

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Breaking Bad RV Incense Burner

$29.99 from ThinkGeek »

Ah, the Breaking Bad RV Incense Burner. [Cue nostalgia.] Reminds me just how much I miss the Krystal Ship. I can't believe it's been 4 years since Heisenberg & Pinkman cooked their last batch. I hope things turn out better...

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Breaking Bad Methopoly

Discontinued

Joanne Silverman loves meth. Just kidding. She loves Breaking Bad. I mean, I guess she might love meth too, but probably not because if she did it is unlikely she would have the wherewithal to conceive and create this...

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Breaking Bad Meth Lab

Sold Out from Citizen Brick »

Would LEGO ever produce and release a Breaking Bad Meth Lab? Probably not even if its CEO and Board of Directors were all required to inadvertently step on an errant brick once an hour, every hour of the day, every day...

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Brain Hat

$5 from Ravelry »

Too stoic to wear your heart on your sleeve? Then wear your frontal lobe on your Bieber side-swept bangs! The "brainchild" of a self-proclaimed starving medical student, this clever, kitschy knitting pattern will earn...

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Tank Slippers

$6.99 from Etsy »

Incoming! And this time, in addition to unleashing artillery, they're also unleashing the ripe, fishy odors of feet that have been sweating underneath an 8" thickness of woolen yarn! Tank Slippers, should you be up for...

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Breaking Bad Terrarium

Discontinued

Way to go, Walter White and meth heads, Breaking Bad has reached terrarium levels of popularity. Terrarium. I find that word difficult both to spell and to say aloud. Try it. Rough on the tongue, 'ey? Not very pleasant...

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Groomarang Beard Styling & Shaping Template

$13.99 from Amazon »

The Groomarang always returns...to the basics of good shaving and haircare practices. Tangle-free beards and mustaches. Crisp shaves. Clean neck lines. The curved comb serves as a shaving / clipping template for precise...

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Let's Cook Heisenberg Cutting Boards

$30.90 from Etsy »

I won't tell you what you should and shouldn't use these fine Breaking Bad cutting boards for, but...you might want to stick to "Let's Cook"-ing actual food. Like, how about cleaving some birds for a nice Los Pollos Hermanos...

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Breaking Bad Blue Glass Meth Candy

Sold Out from Etsy »

Let's preface this pimp of Danilo Buendia's Breaking Bad Blue Glass Meth Rock Candy with the obvious: rock candy is pretty easy to make oneself. Even Blue Glass rock candy. Certainly easier than Blue Glass meth, and probably...

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Cult TV Show Chuck Taylors

$80 - $100 from The Ave Venice »

Dexter, Walter White, Jesse Pinkman, Rick Grimes, Ron F**king Swanson, they already hold a place close to our hearts. Thanks to the design maestros at Tauntr.com, so too can they hold a place close to our corns, callouses...

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Laser Cut Pop Culture Necklaces

$12.95 - $26.95 from Inspiring Jewelry »

Acrylic and mirror plastic are laser cut into comic book, gaming, and TV series favorites in these swell shiny necklaces. The danglers come as both singles and Friendship doubles--2 chains holding halves of the same image...