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Jonny Glow Toilet Illuminator

By: on April 18, 2012
$5.95
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Installing Jonny Glow strips on your toilet will preclude stubbed toes, bumped knees, smacked elbows, total face plants, and pissing on the cat during semi-conscious orienteering trips to the bathroom in the pitch black of night. The adhesive strips, as white and inconspicuous as your porcelain god itself with the lights turned on, attach to the inner, concave curve of your toilet's base, and emit a neon glow with the lights off that will serve as your beacon for a bullseye during 3 a.m. rounds of point and shoot.

Jonny Glow requires no batteries or electricity for use. The strips charge during the day, and when the bathroom lights are on, and then broadcast their come hither green smile all night long. In addition to illuminating the one willing golden shower recipient in your household, Jonny Glow also indicates whether the toilet seat is up or down, so no one falls in, or gets bitched out in the morning for being off by half an inch.

On top of facilitating the ahhhsome, Jonny Glow comes with a lifetime guarantee. If ever its glow abates, or otherwise abandons you in a time of need, the Jonny Glow organization will replace it for free.

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Remember when you used to put lightning bug butts and water in the blender and then use them to fill your squirt gun for nighttime fights with your friend Cornelius? Ahhh, childhood in the 80s. That was cool. Maybe even...

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Glow-in-the-Dark Crowbar

Discontinued

One thing that sucks about using a crowbar to beat someone up in a dark alley is the dark alley part. How are you supposed to tell if it's really connecting with the intended's face and other vital organs, or just delivering...