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Portal 2 Warning Sign Coasters

By: on January 03, 2013
$49.99
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Aperture Science issues the following warning: Leave a Jack & Coke ring on the wife's/girlfriend's/mom's/anal retentive UFC fighter's European Oak table, and your ass is grass. They'll know instantly, too, because it's a hypercolor table. Instead, set your glass on one of Enrichment Center's special issue coasters. Decorated with testing chamber warning signs that appear throughout Portal 2, the set of 8 furniture protectors are made of ceramic and backed with cork board.

In addition to preserving permeable surfaces, the coasters warn those using them: Don't drink the fountain water. Don't condensate. Beware of falling Companion Cubes. Beware of electrocution pursuant to water submersion. Beware of...being launched into the air? Ummm...the act of running will create 3 parallel lines in your stead? OK, so I'm a little rusty on Portal 2. Leave me alone! You would be too if you spent all day long scouring the Internet for cool products and always struggled with video games anyway, even as a child, because you had the reflexes and fine motor skills of an English Bulldog.

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Liquor Log Booze Dispenser

$119 from Amazon »

Now this is the kind of Yule Log I'm talking about. How better to bring good tidings to you and all of your kin than with a nice bottle of Jameson or Jack chug-a-lugging out the tap on an urban harvested Ohio hardwood...

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Igloo Party Bar Cooler with LiddUp Lighting

$154.37 from Amazon »

The Igloo Party Bar Cooler keeps the party lit up all night long courtesy of LiddUp technology. About 4 years ago, startup LiddUp sought crowdfunding for its own illuminated cooler. The campaign didn't quite hit its goal...

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Vapshot Vaporized Alcohol System

$1,299 from Vapshot »

The Vapshot Mini Home System is a countertop liquor vaporizer. It looks kinda like an air pump at the gas station. It acts kinda like one too. Except instead of pumping on a hose to inflate your Goodyears, you'll suck...

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Jerry Can Bar Cabinet

$679 from AHA »

Some call it the can that won WWII. Even though the Germans created the Wehrmacht-Einheitskanister, American and British forces quickly copied the design and used it for the efficient storage and safe transport of fuel...

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Ship in a Bottle Whiskey Decanter & Dispenser

$99 from Amazon »

I don't care how they got this ship in the bottle as long as I know how to get the booze it's sailing through out. A wood base handcrafted in Kentucky serves as a classy pedestal to the mounted glass whiskey decanter...

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Mistaken Lyrics Coasters

$25 - $30 from Amazon »

We've all done it. We've all badgered someone else for doing it. And really, song lyrics misheard, mistaken, and butchered are almost always more fun than what the artists are actually singing anyway....

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Face Mask Drink Coasters

$21.67 from Amazon »

Paladone's Face Mask Drink Coasters are a party multi-tool. Use them old school, to hold your sweaty drink so you don't f*ck up the table. Use them new school, as a frisbee projectile to pelt your friend Cornelius, or...

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Portal GLaDOS Ring

Discontinued

Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating Systems now come in finger-sized. GLaDOS rings make it easy for all to show off their loyalty to the eye of Portal's most beloved piece of sociopathic artificial intelligence. Created...

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Keter Cool Bar - Outdoor Table & Cooler

$82.49 from Amazon »

I don't have a lot of space for outdoor furniture, so I like the double duty Keter's Cool Bar has agreed to pull for me. Part side table, part - surprise! - cooler, and it doesn't even look big and clunky, or like an...

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NFL Football Teams' Greatest Plays Slate Coasters

Sold Out from Amazon »

These football plays will go down in history as their NFL teams' greatest, and the slate coasters they're printed on will go down on your table as a barrier between your fine oak and your sweaty can of Bud. The 4-deep...

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Portal: No Escape

A live action short (just under 6 minutes) from Dan Trachtenberg set in the world of the Portal video games. A woman wakes up in a room with no memory of who she is or how she got there... Sounds like my Sunday morning....

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Phantom Skull Decanter

$24.95 from Amazon »

I'm not sure the skull in this decanter is so much a phantom as it is a piece of glass blown inside a bottle. But you don't have to tell your kids that when you warn them about what Skully McSkullface will do to their...