The Golden Douchebag Trophy
- Perverted Little Gnome - $14.10
- Ultimate Douchebag Alert Button - $11.39
- Doo Doo Head Mask - $23.49
- Thumbs Up Trophies - $15.00
- The Quotable Douchebag: A Treasury of Spectacularly Stupid Remarks - $11.50
You want tidings of comfort and joy? Well here you go: Merry Christmas, you old Golden Douchebag, you.
Of course, if it's either a snarky trophy or a lump of coal, I guess I'd take the trophy. At least then I could re-gift it to one of the dozens of people I consider as golden of a douchebag as my mama considers me. And you know how some offices have a gnome or el lame-o desktop animal that floats around, mysteriously appearing in the cube of a co-worker the giver thinks has done an especially good job? Well I vote to introduce the Golden Douchebag trophy into that mix too. As an award for the ones who F up their spreadsheets and make everyone have to work late, or steal my chocolate milk out of the staff fridge.
The Urban Dictionary describes a douchebag as "An individual who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intelligence, behaving ridiculously in front of colleagues with no sense of how moronic he appears." That's, like, every third person you meet. And if we're gonna give kids trophies for "effort" and finishing last, why the hell haven't we started giving them trophies for being the student body's reigning a-hole?
Fittingly, the Golden Douchebag trophy is made of cheap plastic. And it's hollow inside. It stands 7" tall x 4" wide x 4" deep.