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Raiders of the Lost Ark Melting Toht Candle

By: on March 16, 2015
$29.49
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Nothing like a hot day in the south or the Ark of the Covenant to make you feel like your face is gonna melt off. Though after my wee and innocent 6-year-old eyes were scarred for life watching Major Arnold Ernst Toht suffer his fate with the latter, I think I'd take a broken AC in August in Dallas over gazing into a mythical relic of the Bible any day.

I do like this representation of Toht as a candle though. Ignite the fiery wrath of God around him (i.e., light the wick on top of his head) and Indy's Nazi nemesis from Raiders of the Lost Ark will melt and ooze away to nothing. The highly detailed candle was crafted after an actual facial cast of Toht actor Ronald Lacey's face. His trademark glasses, black leather jacket, fedora, and O (shit!) face haven't been overlooked either. A must-have for Indiana Jones fans and people who like melting human faces!

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Rekindle Regenerating Candlestick

While I would prefer a wax color more masculine than pink, I--What? Pink is the color of unconditional love and nurturing? Oh. OK, Mama.--I guess my mama likes pink. Yep.... Working from home today.... Anyway, I applaud...

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T-Rex Hatching Dinosaur Egg Candle

$45 from Amazon »

Good things, such as baby T-Rex dinosaur desktop toys, come to those who wait. Who wait, and who burn. Light the wick on this egg-shaped candle from The Creative Desk and experience the joy of hatching a new baby 65-million-year-old...

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Melting Bloody Hand Candle

$35 from Etsy »

Now here's a bloody handy gift for Halloween. Bryan Lawrence makes these terrifically creepy candles, you guessed it, by hand, using flesh-colored wax for the outer layers of their fingers and palms, and blood-red on...

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Stranger Things Eleven Bleeding Nose Candle

$39.69 from Firebox.com »

This is an Eleven Bleeding Nose Candle. If you've seen stranger things - say, Taxidermy Animal Drones or Edible Anus Chocolates - it probably won't bother you. And if you've seen Stranger Things, you'll probably love it....

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WTF Prank Candles

$11.95 from WTF Prank Candles »

WTF does using the term "WTF" in reference to a candle mean? In a nutshell: "Mmmm, this smells incredible! Just like the apple pie my grandma used to make with the shortbread crust and the....gaaaaasssspppp!. W...T...F...is...

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Diamond Ring Candles

$24.95 from Diamond Candles »

Diamond Candles makes candles (duh) with embedded diamonds (du...really?) Each candle is guaranteed to contain a sparkly ring for its burner to discover as the wax diminishes. Granted, they're not all diamonds, and they're...

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Earwax Candle Kit

$7.89 from Amazon »

Here comes the Earwax Candle Kit just when you thought you couldn't find the perfect gift for your mom. I don't know about yours but I know my mama loves candles, and also hates waste, and based on the number of used...

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Yank Me Candles

$19.95 from Amazon »

Yank Me Candles are terrific gag or white elephant gifts in the vein of WTF Prank Candles, but with a different kind of blood pulsing through them. The latter have delightful sounding names, such as Apple Pie, on the...

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Torch Plant Light Botanical Candle

How precious. A floating puff of plant with an LED light at its end. Though overpriced by a factor of 8, the Torch Plant Light Botanical Candle is a clever centerpiece designed by Japan's Pianta x Stanza to look like...

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Crying Unicorn Candle

$24.79 from Firebox.com »

Is a crying unicorn a sign of impending doom or a hint that I should go get my coffee cup and drink up that rainbow magic for good luck?...

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Flameless Arc Lighter for Candles & BBQs

$19.97 from Amazon »

Like the slide, this flameless arc lighter is electric, so you can boogie-woogie-woogie through wind and rain, and without filling and refilling it with gas fluid. The long handle provides easier and safer access to hot...

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Hatching Dragon Candle

$44.09 from Firebox.com »

We've always known that out of the dragon's mouth comes the fire. Now, thanks to a particularly acid-washed, acid-tongued Mother, we also know it's possible that out of the fire's mouth come the dragons. So here's a candle...