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The Chambong

By: on March 26, 2016
$25
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The Chambong is an elegant glass vessel used for the "rapid and enhanced" (and elegant!) consumption of sparkling wine. Just mind the bubbles, whose population density in champers is apparently, like, 4 times what it is in beer, as evidenced by an experience I had with my ex-girlfriend Karen in which we were at a fine dining restaurant and I attempted to down an entire glass of Moet before storming out in hurt and anger over her heartless words, but instead ended up choking and convulsing and gripping my throat croaking, "It burns! It burns!"

The Chambong holds 6 ounces of your favorite effervescent grapes between its high borosilicate glass walls. Dishwasher-safe high borosilicate glass walls, in case someone similar to myself taking a turn can't stand the heat and so slobbers and coughs all over the Chambong kitchen.

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The Loudest Portable Speaker

$849.25 from Amazon »

I just learned about The Loudest Portable Speaker from my newly deaf friends Maurice and Sue, who just returned from testing Soundboks' 119dB bad boy at Burning Man. Conclusion:...

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Menorah Bong

$699.99 from 420 Science »

420 Science breaks it out only once a year, so if a 14" long, 8-bowled glass Grav Labs Menorah bong is what you've been foregoing 20 sacks and Gordita Supremes for since May, here's your chance to turn your pipe dream...

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7pipe Twisty Glass Blunt

$44.99 from 7pipe »

My favorite part of 7pipe's Twisty Glass Blunt video is the shot of a lady taking a hit off one and then blowing out birthday candles. Good stuff in, bad stuff out, and now we eat cake!...

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Stormtrooper Whiskey Decanter & Shot Glass

$14.61 - $26.79 from The Fowndry »

A stormtrooper who's packing nothing but Jameson and a Buttery Nipple is my kind of stormtrooper. I bet in whiskey decanter and suspended glass forms they're even a decent shot. At least until round 7 or 8 when your own...

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Liquor Log Booze Dispenser

$99 from Amazon »

Now this is the kind of Yule Log I'm talking about. How better to bring good tidings to you and all of your kin than with a nice bottle of Jameson or Jack chug-a-lugging out the tap on an urban harvested Ohio hardwood...

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The Knockout Beer/Water/Gravity Bong

$40 from The Knockout »

I used to prefer my knockouts served as Fireball shots and right hooks, but this Knockout, a new twist on the beer bong, might leave those standards unconscious and bleeding from the ear on the floor. Designed for attachment...

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Igloo Party Bar Cooler with LiddUp Lighting

$154.37 from Amazon »

The Igloo Party Bar Cooler keeps the party lit up all night long courtesy of LiddUp technology. About 4 years ago, startup LiddUp sought crowdfunding for its own illuminated cooler. The campaign didn't quite hit its goal...

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Vaportini Liquor Inhaler

$39.99 - $149.99 from Vaportini »

Those who do not live in Washington or Colorado, I have a consolation inhalation prize for you. A glass globe-and-funnel contraption straight out of the Real Genius chem lab, the Vaportini kit gassifies alcohol into a...

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Vapshot Vaporized Alcohol System

$1,299 from Vapshot »

The Vapshot Mini Home System is a countertop liquor vaporizer. It looks kinda like an air pump at the gas station. It acts kinda like one too. Except instead of pumping on a hose to inflate your Goodyears, you'll suck...

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Aura Glass - Spill Resistant Aerating Glassware

$59.95 from Aura Glass »

Since most of us spin and swish our glasses of wine and whiskey to aerate them anyway, Aura Glass has come up with a (mighty fine looking, I must say) way to do it without sloshing the wine and whiskey all over the table....

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Boobs Ice Luge

Sold Out from Amazon »

And you always thought she was an icy bitch because you couldn't get to second base. The Boob Luge puts a positive spin on the cold reality of interacting with women. Also, just like in the good ol' days of infancy, it...

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Outer Space Vodka

$5.99 - $29.99 from Outer Space Vodka »

What's scarier than this freak parade of masks on Halloween night? The head-splitting, toilet-hugging hangover we're all going to have Sunday morning. Especially with 1) Daylight Saving Time ending at 2 a.m., giving everyone...