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The Chambong

By: on March 26, 2016
$25
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The Chambong is an elegant glass vessel used for the "rapid and enhanced" (and elegant!) consumption of sparkling wine. Just mind the bubbles, whose population density in champers is apparently, like, 4 times what it is in beer, as evidenced by an experience I had with my ex-girlfriend Karen in which we were at a fine dining restaurant and I attempted to down an entire glass of Moet before storming out in hurt and anger over her heartless words, but instead ended up choking and convulsing and gripping my throat croaking, "It burns! It burns!"

The Chambong holds 6 ounces of your favorite effervescent grapes between its high borosilicate glass walls. Dishwasher-safe high borosilicate glass walls, in case someone similar to myself taking a turn can't stand the heat and so slobbers and coughs all over the Chambong kitchen.

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Igloo Party Bar Cooler with LiddUp Lighting

$139.49 from Amazon »

The Igloo Party Bar Cooler keeps the party lit up all night long courtesy of LiddUp technology. About 4 years ago, startup LiddUp sought crowdfunding for its own illuminated cooler. The campaign didn't quite hit its goal...

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Menorah Bong

$699.99 from 420 Science »

420 Science breaks it out only once a year, so if a 14" long, 8-bowled glass Grav Labs Menorah bong is what you've been foregoing 20 sacks and Gordita Supremes for since May, here's your chance to turn your pipe dream...

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7pipe Twisty Glass Blunt

$44.99 from 7pipe »

My favorite part of 7pipe's Twisty Glass Blunt video is the shot of a lady taking a hit off one and then blowing out birthday candles. Good stuff in, bad stuff out, and now we eat cake!...

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Stormtrooper Whiskey Decanter & Shot Glass

$14.61 - $26.79 from The Fowndry »

A stormtrooper who's packing nothing but Jameson and a Buttery Nipple is my kind of stormtrooper. I bet in whiskey decanter and suspended glass forms they're even a decent shot. At least until round 7 or 8 when your own...

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Liquor Log Booze Dispenser

$99 from Amazon »

Now this is the kind of Yule Log I'm talking about. How better to bring good tidings to you and all of your kin than with a nice bottle of Jameson or Jack chug-a-lugging out the tap on an urban harvested Ohio hardwood...

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The Knockout Beer/Water/Gravity Bong

$40 from The Knockout »

I used to prefer my knockouts served as Fireball shots and right hooks, but this Knockout, a new twist on the beer bong, might leave those standards unconscious and bleeding from the ear on the floor. Designed for attachment...

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Vapshot Vaporized Alcohol System

$1,299 from Vapshot »

The Vapshot Mini Home System is a countertop liquor vaporizer. It looks kinda like an air pump at the gas station. It acts kinda like one too. Except instead of pumping on a hose to inflate your Goodyears, you'll suck...

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Vaportini Liquor Inhaler

$39.99 - $149.99 from Vaportini »

Those who do not live in Washington or Colorado, I have a consolation inhalation prize for you. A glass globe-and-funnel contraption straight out of the Real Genius chem lab, the Vaportini kit gassifies alcohol into a...

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Herb & Lou's Cocktail-Infused Ice Cubes

$15.99 from Herb & Lou's »

Melted, not stirred. Herb & Lou's Infused Cubes arrive as 3 things waiting to happen: 1) 12 blocks of ice; 2) 12 rounds of tasty cocktails; and 3) 12 times the good times, since you won't have to play bartender all night....

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Boobs Ice Luge

Sold Out from Amazon »

And you always thought she was an icy bitch because you couldn't get to second base. The Boob Luge puts a positive spin on the cold reality of interacting with women. Also, just like in the good ol' days of infancy, it...

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The Don Vino Wine Table

$3,500 - $5k from Chicone »

I'm crowning the Don Vino Wine Table "The Godfather of Wine Storage." Not just because creator Chicone Cabinetmakers has given it the Italian Don honor, but also because it is a unique, classy, and dually functional piece...

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The Perfect Shot Secure Decanter

$89.95 from The Perfect Shot »

The Perfect Shot is a lockable decanter that keeps thirsty hands off your hooch. But here's an interesting lemon twist: those thirsty hands can include your own....