156

Robocup

By: on February 15, 2014
$21.79
Check It Out

Dead or alive, you're coming with me. Robocop might drag you kicking and screaming out of bed in the morning like a big douchebag, but Robocup plays the good cop. He combats your fatigue and eases you into the harsh day ahead with a jolt of caffeine delivered straight from his cyborg brain. Robocup has 3 directives. 1) Serve the public hot beverages. 2) But not too hot. Protect the innocent tongues and hard palates. 3) Uphold the surface tension. No one likes coffee stains on their shirt.

A secret fourth directive may reveal itself through regular Robocup use.

Also be prepared to deal with Robocup's emotions and flashbacks if shades of his former life as a sippy cup in a Detroit preschool begin breaking through. Not many people know this, but he was only a candidate for the Robocup program because a tubby 4-year-old threw him against a wall and stomped him beyond recognition during a temper tantrum last July.

Buy Now

Flowering Penis Coffee Mug

$15.99 from Amazon »

For all the ladies (and fellas!) who count floral patterns and penises amongst their favorite things, have I got a mug of a gift for you. Clothing and accessory brand HUMAN goes for a very anatomical part of being one...

Check it out

Wobbling Willy - Your Face on a Dildo (NSFW)

Dudes, check out the Wobbling Willy's practical application for all those selfies you've been taking. Your face on a dildo. A way, way sexier (and more functional!) gift for your girlfriend than that framed dick pic you...

Check it out

Whiskey River Sarcastic Soaps

$8.95 from Whiskey River »

Whiskey River Soaps are like modern-day Shakespearean comedies. Insightful in reading people. Precise in their social commentary. Charming and funny. And, to complement our 21st century needs, not tl;dr, and serving more...

Check it out

Breaking Bad RV Incense Burner

$29.99 from ThinkGeek »

Ah, the Breaking Bad RV Incense Burner. [Cue nostalgia.] Reminds me just how much I miss the Krystal Ship. I can't believe it's been 4 years since Heisenberg & Pinkman cooked their last batch. I hope things turn out better...

Buy Now

A Die Hard Christmas

$11.44 from Amazon »

Yippee Ki Yay! A Die Hard Christmas: The Illustrated Holiday Classic is going to be on every kid's man's gift list this year. (Kids probably won't want it. They'll think the John McClane brand of killing and violence...

Buy Now

Kobayashi Mug

Sold Out from Amazon »

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that...he's gone....

Buy Now

Time: Man of the Year Mirror

$28.99 from Amazon »

Are you a Lebowski achiever? This Time: Man of the Year Mirror is a Dude-approved addition to your bar, bedroom, or office wall. It will give you a little boost when you're down, and a little motivation before your big...

Check it out

Dual Beer Glass

$35 from Etsy »

At first I thought the Dual Beer Glass was intended for sampling two different types of beers at once, and I was like, How the dickens am I supposed to keep one from spilling all over my crotch when I'm drinking the other?...

Check it out

The Emojibator (NSFW)

$29 from Emojibator »

"If you can't find a date, emojibate." Some of you will chuckle and others will cringe, but Emojibator creator Jaime Jandler feels all she did was bring an obvious joke to life. And good for her. A little elbow grease...

Check it out

Chucky Bath Bomb

I know this Chucky Bath Bomb looks spherical, but take caution while using it. I can almost guarantee you there are some pointy edges hiding in there somewhere....

Check it out

Mighty Mug - The Mug That Won't Fall

$20 - $35 from Mighty Mug »

We've all done it: knocked over a cup of coffee/sodie/water/vodka tonic at work and ruined something important. Like my entire week. Jayme Smaldone and his Mighty Mug cohorts blew out an important office computer with...

Buy Now

Wake 'n' Bake Coffee Mug

$49.95 from Amazon »

There are a ton of these wake 'n' bake mugs out there, but I went with the delightful navy blue one you see here because its marketing is genius. Coffee or tea alongside my morning tokes? Pssshhh, F that. Fill that pipe...