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Robocup

By: on February 15, 2014
Robocup
$21.79
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Dead or alive, you're coming with me. Robocop might drag you kicking and screaming out of bed in the morning like a big douchebag, but Robocup plays the good cop. He combats your fatigue and eases you into the harsh day ahead with a jolt of caffeine delivered straight from his cyborg brain. Robocup has 3 directives. 1) Serve the public hot beverages. 2) But not too hot. Protect the innocent tongues and hard palates. 3) Uphold the surface tension. No one likes coffee stains on their shirt.

A secret fourth directive may reveal itself through regular Robocup use.

Also be prepared to deal with Robocup's emotions and flashbacks if shades of his former life as a sippy cup in a Detroit preschool begin breaking through. Not many people know this, but he was only a candidate for the Robocup program because a tubby 4-year-old threw him against a wall and stomped him beyond recognition during a temper tantrum last July.