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Robocup

By: on February 15, 2014
$21.79
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Dead or alive, you're coming with me. Robocop might drag you kicking and screaming out of bed in the morning like a big douchebag, but Robocup plays the good cop. He combats your fatigue and eases you into the harsh day ahead with a jolt of caffeine delivered straight from his cyborg brain. Robocup has 3 directives. 1) Serve the public hot beverages. 2) But not too hot. Protect the innocent tongues and hard palates. 3) Uphold the surface tension. No one likes coffee stains on their shirt.

A secret fourth directive may reveal itself through regular Robocup use.

Also be prepared to deal with Robocup's emotions and flashbacks if shades of his former life as a sippy cup in a Detroit preschool begin breaking through. Not many people know this, but he was only a candidate for the Robocup program because a tubby 4-year-old threw him against a wall and stomped him beyond recognition during a temper tantrum last July.

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National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Village

$17.99 - $129.99 from Amazon »

You can go all out Clark Griswold and National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation on your holiday decorating this year without risking falling off the roof or running up a thousand-dollar electrical bill. Just make yourself...

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Wobbling Willy - Your Face on a Dildo (NSFW)

Dudes, check out the Wobbling Willy's practical application for all those selfies you've been taking. Your face on a dildo. A way, way sexier (and more functional!) gift for your girlfriend than that framed dick pic you...

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Flowering Penis Coffee Mug

$15.99 from Amazon »

For all the ladies (and fellas!) who count floral patterns and penises amongst their favorite things, have I got a mug of a gift for you. Clothing and accessory brand HUMAN goes for a very anatomical part of being one...

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KFC Internet Escape Pod

$10k from KFC Ltd. »

KFC says their Internet Escape Pod, featuring a fried chicken drumstick door handle and Stretch Armstrong Colonel Sanders passed out drunk and slung over the top, is meant to help you hide from the barrage of Cyber Monday...

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Kobayashi Mug

Sold Out from Amazon »

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that...he's gone....

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Play with Your Food Sports Mugs

$24 from Amazon »

Sports mugs with nets and baskets and goalposts and gloves to flick food into? Weeeee! As if marshmallows in hot chocolate and Fritos in chili weren't fun enough before!...

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My MUG Indestructible Ceramic Coffee Mug

$15 - $24 from Making Modern »

Knock a My MUG off the counter and you might be cleaning up some liquid, but your solid form of matter will stay intact. Made to feel like ceramic in the hand, but behave like titanium when that hand is a wee bit clumsy...

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Dual Beer Glass

$35 from Etsy »

At first I thought the Dual Beer Glass was intended for sampling two different types of beers at once, and I was like, How the dickens am I supposed to keep one from spilling all over my crotch when I'm drinking the other?...

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Life-Size Exorcist Regan Doll

$3,995 from Etsy »

The only thing worse than a Monday is clicking on a link that brings you to a life-size replica doll of possessed Regan from The Exorcist. It just happened to me, and since misery loves company, here you go, dudes. I'm...

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Deadpool Christmas Tree Ornaments

$30.19 from Amazon »

These Deadpool Christmas tree ornaments will look right at home dangling alongside the Bob Ross Funko Pop figure classing up my mantle. 'Tis the season for happy little trees and Deadpool 2 trailers....

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The Emojibator (NSFW)

$29 from Emojibator »

"If you can't find a date, emojibate." Some of you will chuckle and others will cringe, but Emojibator creator Jaime Jandler feels all she did was bring an obvious joke to life. And good for her. A little elbow grease...

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Mighty Mug - The Mug That Won't Fall

$20 - $35 from Mighty Mug »

We've all done it: knocked over a cup of coffee/sodie/water/vodka tonic at work and ruined something important. Like my entire week. Jayme Smaldone and his Mighty Mug cohorts blew out an important office computer with...