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Naughty Vintage China

By: on October 11, 2013
$22 - $140
from
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Trixie Delicious' naughty china reminds me of sitting at an austere dinner table with my friend Cornelius and trying to destroy his composure by saying words like "penis," "boobies," and "cocksucker" under my breath. Except in this case I wouldn't have to talk at all--I'd just hand him a plate of jalapeno poppers and let the "Gaybo" or "Fuck face" curlicued all over them do the rest.

Each piece in the naughty china collection is a OOAK, reworked vintage dish. Chortle-rousing script is applied by hand with heat-fused Porcelaine ceramic paint. Available dishes range from waxing poetic dinner plates ("Holy Shit") to observant side plates ("Nympho") to teacups that might make you reconsider your request for some tea ("Minge"). Minge. Ew. Calling me a motherfucker while I eat is one thing, but mingling pubic hair with my attempts to satiate my appetite? That is where I draw the line.

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Swearball - Record & Fling Your Insults

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Swearball invites you to "Give a flying F*%K." In fact, fling one. Hard. Inside this soft, squishy, grapefruit-sized ball lies a recordable sound module. Squeeze the ball to activate it, unleash up to 20 seconds of insults...

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The Big Coloring Book of Vaginas (NSFW)

$11.95 from Amazon »

Is further product description really needed? First there was Georgia O'Keefe, now there is author and illustrator Morgan Hastings. Black-and-white outlines of anatomical wonders beg for your acrylic and Crayola technicolor...

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Conor McGregor F*ck You Pinstripe Suit

$6,500 from David August »

I don't know how long the rest of the world will remember the Conor McGregor vs. Floyd Mayweather fight after it's over, but anyone who drops $6,500 on a David August Fuck You pinstripe suit like the one McGregor wore...

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Pencil Time Pencils

$2.75 from Sharing Machine »

Do you know what time it is? ... It's Mother Fucking Pencil Time! Going back to school? It's Mother Fucking Pencil Time! Leaving the kids a list of chores? It's Mother Fucking Pencil Time! Filling out your order at Umami...

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Kung Fu Power Self-Defense Rings

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Pretty Chinese rings, pretty gnarly applications. This stack of Kung Fu Power Magic Rings fans out to create a 4-wide set of individual inscribed adornments for Pointer, Tall Man, Ring Man, and Pinky. That's the pretty...

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Lewd and Obscene Party Game

$24.99 from Lewd and Obscene »

Lewd and Obscene, according to creator Anthony Annese, is what would happen "if Urban Dictionary and Balderdash had a one night stand and the condom broke." Testament #1 to the validity of that statement: mentally rotate...

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A is for Anus: The Alphabet (For Adults)

$9.99 from Amazon »

This alphabet isn't adult just because A is for Anus, but also because of the accompanying anatomical representation author Max Willy has selected to make sure everyone knows what an anus is. Stick out your pointer finger...

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Spinning F Pin

$7.99 from Ball & Chain Co. »

When indecision strikes or words fail you, let fate decide the most appropriate way to F the situation. This enamel pin secures to your lapel where it will always be within finger's reach and ready to spin-a-fuck the...

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The Big Coloring Book of Sex Positions

$11.95 from Amazon »

According to The Big Coloring Book of Sex Positions, "Sex curls our toes, sparks our imagination, delightfully stimulates a multitude of sensations, makes us have funny faces, makes us docile and makes us crazy." Apparently...

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Disturbed Friends - The Worst Game Ever Made

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Consumer drones? Wearables? Self-driving cars (and -walking shoes)? Nah. I think politically incorrect card-based games that at some point make every person playing them feel extremely uncomfortable or self-conscious...

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Kama Sutra Chess Pieces (NSFW)

Discontinued

And suddenly, the intense inaction and sporadic finger movements of chess captivate the masses and enamor even those who have no idea what the hell is going on. Erotic chess pieces abound in Etsy vendor Nicola Ford's...

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F**k. The Game

$19.95 from Amazon »

Who would claim you can "get smarter while swearing at your friends?" F**kin' Australia, mates. F**k. The Game is an Aussie issue, and a mind trip of cards and colors and good ol' cussin' for us all. It's a spirited party...