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Stay Puft Caffeinated Gourmet Marshmallows

By: on August 24, 2011
  • Stay Puft Caffeinated Gourmet Marshmallows
  • Stay Puft Caffeinated Gourmet Marshmallows-9374
  • Stay Puft Caffeinated Gourmet Marshmallows-6082
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This is just what little kids need. Actually, I can see this paired with a big fat slab of marijuana chocolate housed between two graham crackers. Wonderin' why I can't sleep at 2am. Rememberin' why at 4am. So worth it at the time, so miserable later.

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Power Glow Bioluminescent Energy Drink

Throw away the EL wire and chemical-laced makeup. If you want to look like a club kid, Doctor Manhattan, or a walking biohazard, come the end of 2015 all you'll have to do is gulp & glow. On top of injecting your blood...

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Chocolate Candy Bar Maker

$31.13 from Amazon »

Hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife, hide yo' husband! No one's getting their hands on the Chocolate Candy Bar Maker but me! Chocolate's loyal, and gluttonous, and selfish little whore slave. No, redact that redaction. Whore!...

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Nuvo Eco Ceramic Coffee Bean Roaster

$28.98 from Amazon »

During heating you need swing the Nuvo Eco Ceramic Roaster constantly, drawing an imaginary number "8" or an elliptical orbit. And hold tight to its leather-covered handle. Like in the video above. For, like, two-and-a-half...

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Dyson Cyclone Belt Coffee Machine

Dyson keeps your life clean, cool, and now--if Jaehyo Lee's concept for a coffee maker comes to percolation--caffeinated. The Dyson Cyclone Belt Coffee Machine repurposes the technology of Dyson's vacuum cleaners and...

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KitchenAid Cold Brew Coffee Maker

$79.99 from Amazon »

Cold brew coffee making seems to require a little more finagling and finesse than fixing up a batch of iced tea. And patience. To make it the "right" way you have to let the sweet sludge steep for at least 12 hours. KitchenAid's...

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Pussy Natural Energy Drink

$30.98 from Amazon »

So many ways to interpret the Pussy energy drink. Does it give men in need the bravado to get some? Reinvigorate the nether regions of women who aren't in the mood? Inject some downtown youthfulness into cougars on the...

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26-Pound Gummy Python

$149.99 from Vat 19 »

Oh look, a snake that can kill you without biting, constricting, or even being alive. At 84" long, 26.9 pounds, and a staggering 36,720 calories, the Gummy Python will inflict anything from hyperglycemia to ruptured intestines...

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Han Solo Carbonite Chocolate Bar

$7.99 from ThinkGeek »

What took them so long? Although I'd prefer an Augustus Gloop drowning in chocolate bar, Han Solo's plight lends itself nicely to aiding in the fattening of America as well. Jabba The Hutt, although posing no long term...

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Ghostbusters Ghost Trap Phone Case

$26.04 - $35.40 from Red Bubble »

I don't know. My phone acts possessed enough without a Ghostbusters ghost trap encasement. The last thing I need on top of frozen screens, 30-minute battery lives, and misfired text messages sent via my right butt cheek...

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Bulk Single Flavor Candy

$10.99 - $50.98 from Amazon »

Mama! I said I only want the Cherry Starburst! Only the Cherries! Ahhh, just remembering the days when my mama had to toil over picking out all the good Starburst, Skittles, and Tootsie Pop flavors for me. The days before...

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CLR CFF Clear Coffee

$7.50 - $19 from CLR CFF »

For some coffee clears the mind, but for none does coffee clear the teeth. CLR CFF, perhaps inspired by 1992 and Pepsi's other face-palm moment, and certainly in an effort to pump your body with the physical effects of...

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R2-D2 Coffee Press

$39.99 from ThinkGeek »

Get Beep-bee-bee-boop-buuuzzzzzzed with the R2-D2 coffee press. How could Star Wars geekery not lay its stamp on French-style caffeine extraction? The cylindrical shape of the classic French press is perfect. And what...