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Posted: Thursday, April 18, 2013
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The Big Black Book of Very Dirty Words

The Big Black Book of Very Dirty Words
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  • The Big Black Book of Very Dirty Words

The Big Black Book of Very Dirty Words includes a fair number of terms I would use in my grandma's presence. "Auxter", an Irish/Scottish slang term for armpit. "Apples", meaning breasts. "All that and a bag of chips", a phrase that must have made the book because...uh...author Alexis Munier likes chips? Me too, Alexis, especially Tostitos Hint of Lime tortilla chips, but I thought we were talking "very dirty" here. Even my grandma's favorite expressions include, "You don't know shit from Shinola," and, "It's colder than a well digger's asshole." Is there nothing in your 384 pages that would make a whore blush?

Angry dragon.

OK, I guess there is.

With over 2,000 insults, obscenities, and vulgarities identified and defined, The Big Black Book of Very Dirty Words embodies all levels of very badness, from colloquialisms to crudities to horribly filthy terms that wholesome boys from small midwestern towns should never have to see. For example (Cornelius, close your eyes):

  • 24/6, n. Always ready for a quickie, except on the Lord's day.
  • 4-11-44, n. A powerfully large penis.
  • ablutophiliac, n. Sexually excited by baths or showers.
  • airplane blonde, n. A woman with dyed blonde hair who still has a black "box".
  • answer the bone-a-phone, v. Masturbate.
  • avisodomy, n. Sexual fetish involving birds.
  • A bunch of others that merit listing here, but that I won't list so as to avoid angry letters from soccer moms and my own mom.

By far the highlight of The Big Black Book of Very Dirty Words follows each entry's definition, where Munier uses the term in a sentence to give it context and make sure you can go out into the world and apply it properly on your own.

"After talking to my hot cousin last night I had to answer the bone-a-phone like you wouldn't believe."

"Patricia has a nice pair of apples, but if you've seen her mom you know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

"Keep your parakeets away from the neighbor--we think he's into avisodomy."

"At first I thought her ferret had gotten loose, but it turned out she's just an airplane blonde." (I made that one up. Also, ladies, ferrets are gross. Even the one that saved Arnold's life in Kindergarten Cop)

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