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Little Book of Butts (NSFW)

$9.99 from Amazon »

We have big books of breasts...in 3D. On top of coloring books of vaginas. Smashed next to coloring books of multiple anatomical parts interlocking with other anatomical parts

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Big Book of Big Breasts 3D (NSFW)

$42.25 - $55.89 from Amazon »

I spent most of the day contemplating how I might discuss The Big Book of Breasts 3D with the great respect and deference I feel for it and its contents, but without sounding too dry, detached, or clinical. Unfortunately...

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Black Useless Box Kit

$44.99 from Amazon »

This black box is nearly impossible to put together. Ninety-nine percent of those who try will fail. But for the always-elite 1%, once your corners are aligned and screws affixed, the world will be your oyster. Flip the...

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Codex Seraphinianus: World's Strangest Book

$93.21 from Amazon »

First published in 1981, the radically strange and unparalleled Codex Seraphinianus took Italian architect, illustrator, and industrial designer Luigi Serafini 2-1/2 years to complete. What is it? Aside from floating...

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Reverse Peephole Viewer

$33.42 from Amazon »

Now here's something that should be illegal, but is instead available with free shipping on Amazon. The reverse peephole viewer, used appropriately by law enforcement personnel and inappropriately by 99% of all others...

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The New Erotic Photography (NSFW)

$13.49 from Amazon »

If they consider "new erotic photography" to mean putting baby bottle nipples on a lady's nipples, then I'm...I'm...I'm OK with that. I mean, it seems a little redundant, and maybe wouldn't have been the first path I...

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TV-B-Gone Kit

$17.48 from Amazon »

Let's be clear: it would be a supreme a-hole move for someone to use a homemade TV-B-Gone to shut off the women's beach volleyball game I am watching at a bar. Obnoxious and unacceptable. However...were I to use my DIY...

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Other People's Face Masks

$9.99 - $11.94 from Amazon »

Get all 4 of Faux Real's Face (of Someone Else) Masks to swap out throughout the night at this year's Halloween party and kill it as Arya Stark or Jaqen H'gar, or maybe just a generic Faceless Man....

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Toroflux Kinetic Flow Toy

$19.95 from Amazon »

Don't be fooled into thinking the Toroflux kinetic sculpture is just some stupid bracelet-slinky-figuratively-one-dimensional-girl-and-baby toy like I was. Watch the video. Like, beyond the first 10 seconds when the dude...

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PC Prankster

$11.99 from Amazon »

I live for shenanigans of the PC Prankster variety. No, not because I'm devious and mean-spirited, because I have great empathy for others. I know as well as anyone how it feels to reach a level of frustration with a...

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Allwood Kit Cabins

$3,400 - $34,900 from Amazon »

Allwood Kit Cabins may be no more than glorified playhouses to some, but given that I haven't found a place to put (or the money to buy) my Honomobo Container Home yet...it's time to glorify me a playhouse, baby!...

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Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit

$349 from Amazon »

Are you prepared to fight for the survival and integrity of family, friends, and the human race in apocalyptic combat with the ambulatory dead? In other words, do you want to buy a 7-piece set of gut-ripping knives and...

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NFC Programmable Smart Ring

$59.99 from Amazon »

At this point you could put a different type of smart ring on every one of your fingers if you wanted. The NFC Ring is a programmable piece of smart jewelry you can wave around powerful wizard- or dismissive CEO-style...

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FatIvan Fold Up Door Chock

$15.95 from Amazon »

I don't know if I'd be writing about the FatIvan Fold Up Door Chock if it wasn't called FatIvan, but once the magnetic door holder's brilliant name got my attention, I wasn't sorry I stopped to have a further look. An...

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Programmable Mouse Jiggler

$20.35 from Amazon »

It's a professional jiggler! No, not Santa Claus. No. Not a stripper. This is a Mouse Jiggler. And it's got nothing to do with bellies and boobies. Though, like the belly and boobie jigglers, the Mouse Jiggler is here...

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Assassin's Creed IV Hidden Blade Gauntlet

$33.30 from Amazon »

Assassin's Creed fan or not, everyone needs a gauntlet with a hidden retractable blade. The Edward Kenway Black Flag replica shown here includes one that's spring-loaded with switchblade-style action. The gauntlet itself...

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Skull Gas Fireplace Logs

$79.95 from Amazon »

Time to surprise my girlfriend with a romantic night by the fire. And a romantic fire filled with human skull fireplace logs. Who knew bone made such fine kindling?...

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True Mirror - How Others See You

$200 from Amazon »

The True Mirror idea is simple (and old; it was first patented in 1887): place two mirrors at right angles and have a look-see. Its effect, though, elicits the complexities of realization spanning everything from Whoa!...

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Airsoft Tornado Impact Grenade

$90.50 - $99.99 from Amazon »

Pull the pin and let the propane do the rest. When Airsoft's Tornado Impact Grenades detonate, they scatter over 200 plastic 6mm pellets in all 3 dimensions under which your enemies might try to take cover. This means...

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Flowering Penis Coffee Mug

$15.99 from Amazon »

For all the ladies (and fellas!) who count floral patterns and penises amongst their favorite things, have I got a mug of a gift for you. Clothing and accessory brand HUMAN goes for a very anatomical part of being one...

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YETI LoadOut Fishing & Utility Bucket

$39.99 from Amazon »

YETI made a bucket. Not surprising given the outdoor giant's stature and reputation. But is the YETI bucket a slam dunk? Let's see what kind of offense it's got....

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Zip Blade Zipper Knife

$10.39 from Amazon »

This 0.68" fine edge utility blade has enough pluck to strip wire, cut cardboard, and slice through clamshell packaging. I bet it could even slash open the zipper it's hanging from when it gets stuck, like, every third...

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Tesla Coil Lighter

$15.99 from Amazon »

Tesla Coil Lighters are just one of your options if you're looking for a flameless, wind-proof lighter, but I think they're the cleverest looking. Simple, industrial exteriors with flip-tops that expose nifty arced coils...

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Shomer-Tec Laser Surveillance Defeater

$58.38 from Amazon »

All some people (i.e., my girlfriend) want is for people to listen to them. All other people want is for people to stop listening to them. For the first group I can try to extend my attention span to at least 7 minutes...

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Hydrogen Reactor

$123.99 from Amazon »

While it sounds like something Batman would be called upon to save the world from, Brunton's Hydrogen Reactor is actually an innocuous, albeit robust, deliverer of power to portable devices. It's a piece of scientific...

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Images You Should Not Masturbate To

$9.95 from Amazon »

If you're wondering if its title is true, feed your curiosities with the photo of the dog that looks like George Costanza's mom in this book of Images You Should Not Masturbate To. And I thought the salt shaker was bad....

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Sound Activated LED Car Sticker

$14.89 from Amazon »

If you're looking for a way both to obstruct 90% of the view out of your back windshield and provide a beacon to po searching for cars to pull over, I am pleased to offer you one of AGPtek's bumpin' & grindin', sound...

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Steel Self Defense Bracelet

$29.69 from Amazon »

Self defense or self-inflicted injury? Swingin' 'round this full steel bracelet like a chain whip without really knowing how to swing 'round a chain whip, it could really go either way....

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Tenga Flip Hole Male Masturbator

$64.10 from Amazon »

Usually when I come across things like the Tenga Flip Hole on Amazon, a random oblong instrument or box with a button, and a title that gives no indication of what the F it is, I just assume it has something to do with...

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Rocket Air Blaster

$11.16 from Amazon »

At first I was excited about the Rocket Air Blaster because I thought it was an updated version of the Stomp Rocket. Or maybe a handheld Stomp Rocket that shot its red lipstick right into my friend Cornelius' earhole...

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How to Live with a Huge Penis

$11.66 from Amazon »

Puberty was a really uncomfortable and difficult time for me. To the point that my mama went out and hired a shrink. At the end of the second session though he put his pen down and said, "Son, you really don't need me....

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Off-Grid Knives Stout Drop Point Blade

$34.95 from Amazon »

I don't think Off-Grid Knives named their Stout Drop Point Blade after the beer. The "Fat Boy" blade is 2.25" x 1.3" wide and weighs an Eric Cartman (i.e., beefy) 5.29 ounces. Off-Grid says their little chub is "built...

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Embarrassing Box Prank Mailer (NSFW)

$14.99 from Amazon »

D*ck in a Box is back! Just in time to dil-dole out some good times at the office and an April Fool's Day gift or two. Like many popular send-it-anonymously pranks, maker Witty Yeti will take a sworn oath to mail your...

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Willy Care Kit

$17.29 from Amazon »

If your name isn't William, and you don't need a gift for a dude named William, I can't imagine why you'd buy a Willy Care grooming kit. I mean, I know it's a common name and all, but are there really enough Willies out...

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Fast Strike Self Defense Weapon

$22.95 from Amazon »

It's called Fast Strike and - whirwhack! - it's gonna sting. The non-lethal self defense weapon looks like the antenna on the cordless phone my family had growing up. Which, coincidentally, also kinda hurt when someone...

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Sex Positions You Never Thought Possible (NSFW)

$49.98 from Amazon »

Remember that one time you let some chick drag you to hot yoga because she too was hot and you wanted to see her do bendy things in spandex pants, but then you ended up spending the whole class lying on your back trying...

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The Right Cup - Brain-Tricking Flavored Cup

$40 from Amazon »

Brain-tricking and NKOTB-approved, The Right Cup is a scented and slightly flavored water cup designed to engage your senses in a way that will make you think you're drinking sweet and fruity water when all that's inside...

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Sexy Chest Swimsuit

$59.95 from Amazon »

A sexy man chest to caress and a sexy swimsuit to wear to your next pool outing - talk about having your cake and eating it too, ladies. Good for more than just a few laughs or you next gag gift, the Sexy Chest Swimsuit...

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DrivewaySpike U-Turn Deterrents

$39.95 - $44.95 from Amazon »

Is this a real problem? Or rather, is it such a big deal? People using your driveway as a turnaround. Cars getting lost or going one street too far and pulling into 20' of your pavement to correct their mistake. Since...

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The Chaos Machine

$39.95 from Amazon »

Chaos is an area of mathematics that studies complex systems and the mind-blowing effects seemingly small, inconsequential changes can have on them. Dr. Ian Malcolm used one example of the Chaos in action, the Butterfly...

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Enigmaze Internet Password Bracelet

$35 from Amazon »

I always wear my heart on my sleeve, my egg on my face, and my internet passwords on my wrist. And surprisingly, the Enigmaze Internet Password Bracelet may be the best of those 3 decisions....

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The Womanizer (NSFW)

$189 from Amazon »

Ladies and their lady parts must really like this Womanizer contraption and its suction cuppy O-face of a tip because this is one sex toy I keep: 1) reading about in major publications; 2) hearing all my girlfriend's...

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Boob Cube

$9.50 from Amazon »

The Boob Cube is for idiots. And for geniuses. And for idiots who want to convince people they're really geniuses. And for geniuses you want to make feel like idiots. So, yeah, pretty much an ideal gift for any person...

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How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety

$8.55 from Amazon »

A must-read for every cat parent! How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives consolidates 8 crucial public service pamphlets into a clear...

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Naughty People Outlet Stickers

$8.10 from Amazon »

These naughty people. Doing doggy style on an electrical outlet. Didn't their mamas teach them anything? Dude better keep his finger out of his lady's mouth (and eyes if they're into that sort of thing) or this love session...

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Neck Carriage Titanium Palm Cap Stick

$35.95 from Amazon »

Ti Rod Tactical's Titanium Palm Cap Stick might be the most strangely versatile piece of EDC you can hang around your neck. The 5" long x 0.44" in diameter piece is made of an aerospace grade 5 titanium rod, surrounded...

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NEGG Boiled Egg Peeler

$16.13 from Amazon »

So far my favorite part about the NEGG boiled egg peeler is 18 seconds into the demo video. That's when a patient-looking grandma hand gets frustrated with her old-fashioned egg-peeling efforts and squashes the whole...

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Handmade in Japan Higo no Kami Knife

$28.48 from Amazon »

Each of these Higo no Kami knives, traditional Japanese non-locking folding blades, are handmade and imported directly from Japan. And if you don't believe me, believe the superb English translation of their product description:...