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2 Microwaveable Heat Therapy Stuffed Animals
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Microwaveable Heat Therapy Stuffed Animals

$11.99 - $21.78 from Amazon »

Does Squirt need a warm 'n' cozy stuffed elephant to snuggle up with when they're sick, sad, scared, or revolting against bedtime? ... Do you? Intelex, makers of the microwaveable slippers, offers up kiddos pint- and...

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8 The Renegade Broom
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The Renegade Broom

$37 from Amazon »

The Renegade isn't likely to make cleanups and yard work more fun, but the thick arched bristles of this curved pull broom should give you more effective, and gratifying results....

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7 Pulse III Guybrator (NSFW)
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Pulse III Guybrator (NSFW)

$109 - $149 from Hot Octopuss »

Hot Octopuss gives their trademarked "guybrator" a v.3 upgrade with the Pulse III Solo and Duo. I explored the ricockculous delights of the Pulse II here. This new edition aims (and squeezes and slides) to intensify your...

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15 Mini Titanium Katana with Tritium Insert
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Mini Titanium Katana with Tritium Insert

$149 from Metal Worn »

Just as the Bride conquered O-Ren Ishii with a Hattori Hanzo katana, Metal Worn has conquered the ultimate gift for a geek with their Ti-Katana, a miniature titanium katana sword whose tsuka contains a tritium vial insert....

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Sled Legs

$59.95 from Amazon »

Sled Legs are made in Canada. And that's your news for the day that contains no shock value, no potential for angering the masses, and nothing that makes you question how the hell we got here. In fact, it might be the...

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Legend of Zelda Keyboard Stickers

$12.99 from Amazon »

Bring some life--and health hearts and magic potion--to your QWERTY pursuits with a set of Legend of Zelda keyboard stickers. You'll be able to find Z-E-L-D-A with a few easy keystrokes, and punch out G-A-N-O-N with your...

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Revolution Sideways Wine Glasses

$59 from GNR 8 »

What's nice about the Revolution wine glass being turned on its side is that it makes it easy for someone else to hold the stem and feed me more wine, or whiskey, when I'm too incapacitated to do it myself. Oh no wait...

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The Ridge Slim Front Pocket Wallets

$45 - $105 from The Ridge »

Don't let overstuffed, bulging bi-folds infiltrate your pockets! Fight the Costanza Effect! Get on the Ridge! The Ridge slim front pocket wallets highlight 2 EDC must-haves, simplicity and compactness, across a line of...

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The Tempus "Who's Buyin'?" Spin Coin

$43 - $181 from J.L. Lawson & Co. »

Coin flipping is so Ancient Rome*. The Tempus offers a fresh spin on recruiting the fates to help us make decisions and settle arguments today. A spin that's more contemporary, more in line with our current obsession...

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Pacsafe Anti-Theft Duffel Bag

$69.95 - $79.95 from Pacsafe »

It's not that Pacsafe is paranoid and cynical, it's that the anti-theft travel gear brand knows there's a whole big lot of sticky-fingered shysters out there who would totally swipe your shit if you gave them an opening....

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Sriracha Seasoning Stix

Mmmmm, impalement coming soon to steak near you. Sriracha Seasoning Stix are solidified pokers of the iconic rooster sauce--the hot cock's hot cock, if you will--made to spice up your meat prior to cooking. Press a few...

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Bam Vino Wine & Liquor Bottle Holders

$29.97 - $73.09 from Amazon »

Even if your Bam Vino is wearing the cap of your favorite MLB team, it's OK to pray for a swing and a miss when the bat's your $300 bottle of Richebourg Grand Cru. Or, if you're not into wine, this baseball player bust...

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Insta-Chain Automatic Tire Chains

Sadly, you cannot install Insta-Chains on your Honda Fit for instant traction in snow and ice conditions; the whirling automatic tire chains are made only for large commercial vehicles. But if you're a professional truck...

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Skull Ultra-Loud Electric Bike Horn

$20.99 from Amazon »

Hear that, vehicles, kids zoned out in headphones, and grandmas too preoccupied with your walkers to take heed of my Swagcycle coming up hot behind you? It's 120dB of honking coming from my electric bike horn. Yep, the...

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Tabletop Fireplace

$69.99 from Amazon »

Complement those lazy, hazy, crazy...miserable, cold-ass days of winter with a Vigo tabletop fireplace. The piece's dual stainless steel burners run on Moda Flame ventless ethanol fuel, so no electricity, gas, chimney...

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Yoogo Self Defense Keychain

$19.99 from Amazon »

It looks like a boomerang, but really the Yoogo Self Defense Keychain just goes BOOM! In your choice of punching, hooking, stabbing, or slashing....

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Grubbin' on the Couch Bowls

It's time for a tactical chowdown. No Netflix marathon is complete without a parade of snacks on the coffee table, and every parade marches better with a bowl of Froot Loops as its grand marshal. Frosted Flakes if you...

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Kinkajou Bottle Cutting & Candle Making Kit

Kinkajou. The word sounds like it applies to a precocious, yet cuddly, mammalian sidekick that sits on your shoulder and surreptitiously swipes peoples' two-bite brownies and tubes of lip gloss during walks through the...

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STORY Levitating Timepiece

$399 - $499 from FLYTE »

Remember FLYTE the levitating lightbulb? Its creators have expanded their free-floating repertoire from Edison to Einstein with this levitating timepiece. STORY is a magnet-guided metal ball that rotates around a wooden...

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Boa Sofa

$38,855 - $62,164 from Switch Modern »

And you thought you'd never find the perfect gift for Medusa and Voldemort. The Boa Sofa was designed by brothers Fernando and Humberto Campana, and I just wonder what this snaky, sultry joint venture says about their...

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Gas Powered Mini Trail Bike

$384.64 - $499 from Amazon »

Despite getting stuck with the descriptor "Mini Bike," Coleman Powersports' Trail 200U and 100U are not suitable gifts for kids. However, they are bomb diggity on fleek bae, or whatever the Snapchat teens are saying this...

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Benny the Jumping Bull Inflatable Hopper

$24.95 - $29.99 from Amazon »

Dude! Where was Benny the Jumping Bull and his sick Zorro mask when I was a kid in need of a sidekick (and means of transportation!) for acting out my superhero fantasies? And look. That little girl in the photo isn't...

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The Stuff Stopper Under-Fridge Bumper

$12.99 - $24.99 from The Stuff Stopper »

The Stuff Stopper stops dropped fish eyes, spilt civet poop coffee beans, and that edible dehydrated zebra tarantula that wasn't quite fully dehydrated from scurrying into the abyss beneath your fridge. Install the extendable...

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Life Size King Cobra Snake Statue

$519.80 from Amazon »

King Cobra says, "Rise and shine, Cornelius!" And, "Welcome home, She-Ra: Princess of Power!" And, "Whatcha workin' on, Tom from IT?" And, "Hey there, Mama...." Nah. I won't Life Size King Cobra Snake Statue my mama....

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Vehicle Tire Snow Socks

$45.99 - $60.99 from Amazon »

Super Snow Socks aren't for the interminably cold feet of my girlfriend*, they're for the traction-challenged feet of my car that show up whenever winter drinks too much and then pukes it up all over the road just in...

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The Wheel Pull Down Kitchen Faucet

Displease the Captain and he'll throw you overboard squirt you in the kisser with the sprayer of his Wheel Pull Down Kitchen Faucet. Maker Waterstone took its inspiration for this standout fixture from the (super rad)...

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Everest Whiskey Decanter Set

$199 from Amazon »

Need a gift for a man? Even if he doesn't drink whiskey--hell, even if he drinks only Kool-Aid--I think Ashcroft's 5-piece set of Everest glasses and decanter is a jaw-dropper for display. The liquid amber of an 18-year...

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Stress Blocks

$14.99 - $27.99 from Stress Blocks »

Funny, dice usually cause stress, but these hexahedra were created to fight it. Each of the Stress Blocks' 6 sides is fitted with a different tactile mechanism designed to absorb your nervous energy as you fidget with...

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It's On Like Donkey Kong Ring Box

$39 from Etsy »

If proposing to your girlfriend with a giant Legend of Zelda Proposal Chest is too over-the-top geeky for you, take a more subtle route with this It's On Like Donkey Kong engagement ring box. Well, subtle at least in...

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Combination Bottle Lock

$14.99 from Carteret »

All those times I bring a bottle of vodka to work for lunch and some d-bag from HR sneaks into the freezer and takes a few swigs like I'm not going to notice? Gone. And, at $14.99, the Bottle Lock is way cheaper than...

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Bear Gentleman 130dB Personal Alarm

$13.39 - $16.99 from Amazon »

Pull his metal wiener and this bear will forget he's supposed to be a "gentleman" and scream to the tune of 130 decibels. In the process, he'll try to help your wife, your lady friend, your mama, or your kiddo draw the...

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Sure Fuck Cologne & Fuck Me Perfume

$24.95 - $44 from SF Cologne »

Sure Fuck USA and the Sure Fuck Science Team have cooked up and calibrated a duo a duo of scents--Sure Fuck Cologne and Fuck Me Perfume--for one express and guaranteed purpose: to get you f...ragrant. Sure Fuck Cologne...

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The Terra Pill Kendama Coordination Toy

$17.99 - $39.99 from Amazon »

Terra Kendama has created The Pill, their own redesigned version of the traditional Japanese Kendama toy, to test your hand-eye coordination, balance, and reflexes. These tests are super fun ways to pass the time and...

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Seinfeld Set Replica

$399.99 - $499.99 from Seinfeld Set Replica »

Better put away those lobster-crushing man hands before you handle this forthcoming Seinfeld Set Replica. At 16-1/2" wide x 11-1/2" deep x 6-1/2" high, Jerry's miniaturized apartment contains over 100 hand crafted, authentically...

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Nunchuck Grips - Self-Defense Tool Storage Grips

$13.99 - $54.99 from Amazon »

Squeeze hard and stay safe. Nunchuck Grips are a line of outdoor product grips whose hollow centers make way for your choice of quick-release personal safety gear. Install a pair of Nunchucks on your existing bike's handlebars...

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Lechal Vibrating Navigation Insoles

$99.99 from Amazon »

Whoa. Lechal insoles are like NavoPeds come to real life. The inserts and their Bluetooth smart pods automatically pair with your phone to interpret map / navigation data and convert it into haptic feedback, felt as foot...

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TAXA TigerMoth Trailer

Pack away your winter blues in the TAXA TigerMoth adventure trailer's roof rack system, tongue-mounted toolbox, front cargo step, and roof cargo deck. Still cold, snowed-in, and melancholy? The camper has even more room...

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Pip-Boy: Deluxe Bluetooth Edition

$349.99 from ThinkGeek »

Die-hard Fallout fans, avid gamers, and gadget-giddy dudes in general, I present to you: a working Pip-Boy Model 3000 Mk IV replica. Also known as: your Sunday morning hard-on. Sure, you could call ThinkGeek's Deluxe...

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Channellock 8.88" Compact Rescue Tool

$32.50 from Amazon »

If you're familiar with Channellock's 89 Rescue Tool, the 87 here has come to prove you don't have to be tall and strapping to get the job done. At 2" shorter and 30% lighter than its counterpart, the 87 Rescue Tool equips...

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Ruggie Floor Mat Alarm Clock

$99 from Amazon »

They say Ruggie is "LOUD." In all caps. It's the equivalent of "a blender going off in your bedroom." Also, the floor mat alarm clock must sense the pressure of your feet for at least 3 seconds before it stops its LOUD...

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JellyTank Jellyfish Aquarium

$150 - $175 from JellyTank »

If you've always wanted a sweet jellyfish aquarium, but had to concede that Beyonce was right when she kept telling you, "I don't think you're ready for this jelly," have a look at JellyTank. The forthcoming aquarium...

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M48 Cyclone Fixed Blade Knife

It's probably nowhere near the Jagdkommando knife in performance, but on the (very far) upshot, the M48 Cyclone fixed blade knife is also nowhere near the Jagdkommando in price....

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Trucker's Friend Survival Tool

$59.95 from DudeIWantThat.com »

I think it would be very uncomfortable to get axed in the head with this Trucker's Friend. I guess that's why they picked a zombie to take on the receiving end of the axing-someone-in-the-head demonstration. So no one...

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Q-Bong Pressurized Beer Bong

$19.99 from Amazon »

Q-Bong calls itself the world's first pressurized beer bong. Its squeeze bulb for building up the flow, one-handed trigger valve to open the flood gates, and reservoir large enough to hold 2 cans of Natty Light mean that...

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AIR-INK: Ink Made from Air Pollution

$25 - $198 from Graviky Labs »

Think of AIR-INK as clean dirt. A series of markers and a vial of screen printing ink, the artist's tools are made from captured and purified air pollution particulate matter. In more visual terms, AIR-INK creators Graviky...

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Filthy Rich Cocktail Napkins

$9.99 from Perpetual Kid »

Filthy Rich Cocktail Napkins are a speculative purchase. At printing they were available only for pre-order, so you're investing in the whimsical fun they'll bring to future BBQs, fried chicken dinners, and mondo Cheetos-eating...

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Kururin Japanese Desktop Toy

$12.99 from Kendama »

Tops, fidget spinners, and now the Japanese Kururin. Why is hand-eye coordination storming pop culture so hard right now? I have many gifts and endowments--huge ones!--but, as evidenced by my attempts to school my girlfriend...

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Floafers Foam Water Loafers

$40 from Floafers »

Hayes Brumbeloe created Floafers as a stylish alternative for everyone out there who begrudgingly wears uggo Crocs, Keens, Tevas, or water booties at the beach, pool, or wherever they don't want their "nice" shoes to...