Well Seasoned: 10 Summer Sauces & Rubs

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Ecocapsule Portable House

When the item in question is a house, how do you define "portable"? For me it was always the train car-looking mobile home my grandma's cousin Ella Mae used to live in that could be dragged from city to city in Florida...

The Camping Doughnut

Ooh, a tent that looks like one of those obstacle course tubes I used to crawl through in gym class and the fat kids used to get stuck in crawling through in gym class. The Camping Doughnut, an easily collapsible and...

Leatherman Tread Wearable Multi-Tool

$150 - $200 from Leatherman »

Leatherman's new baby Tread, a multi-tool worn on the wrist, is so brand new it hasn't quite popped out of the oven yet. But before you start leaving interminably clever, "This site should be called Dude You Can't Have...

Fistral Compact Inflatable Tent

$435 from Hemiplanet »

You might remember Heimplanet's other inflatable geometric wonder, the Cave tent. For its 40" interior height and 54 square feet of floor space, it still manages to break down to a manageable pack size, adding just 11-1/2...

The Coolest Cooler

$185 from Coolest Cooler »

Is it cool enough to be called the Coolest? You decide. After months of anticipation (well, my 6-packs, margarita mix, and I were waiting with bated breath) the Coolest Cooler has finally launched its Kickstarter campaign....

TRITON - Human Gills

Diving free of cumbersome tanks and lines, and with an unlimited underwater air supply? That's like...like...making love out of nothing at all. Unfathomable! And although human gills are indeed a ways away from sporting...

Machete Spatula

$18.89 from Firebox.com »

Since I usually hack up eggs, salmon, chicken, and steaks when I try to flip or test their doneness anyway, a Machete Spatula would probably be an appropriate addition to my cooking arsenal. Plus, if any utensil could...

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In Case Of Zombie Cabinet Package

Giveaway: In Case Of Zombie Cabinet Package

Empty wall? Lonely deer head hanging out all by himself over your fireplace? Spruce up your living room and put your obsession with zombies front and center. Click here and enter to win a pair of zombie combat display...

The Fetish Coloring Book (NSFW)

$9.72 from Amazon »

That's a nice strap-on you've got there, ma'am, but I think it could use a little more color....

SensorWake Smell-Based Alarm Clock

$87 from SensorWake »

Smells are powerful things. Particularly those of pubescent feet and dirty farts. But freshly baked croissants, brewing coffee, and cut grass can leave a decent impact too. Decent and, according to SensorWake, waaaaay...

Blodlaetere The Anglo-Saxon Seax

$2k from Etsy »

Blodlaetere is a broken-back seax an Anglo-Saxon warrior might have used to wreak havoc during the Viking Age. And knifemaker Matthew Berry has spared no detail in his hand forging of both its 19-1/4" blade, and the nearly...

Thorns In - The Glove You Can't Take Off

$978 from Sruli Recht »

Thorns In meaning #1: Ten thousand mic-rose thorns lining the inside of this shark skin glove. Thorns In meaning #2: Ten thousand mic-rose thorns gouging fish-hook style into the hand of its wearer, such that pulling...

Lotus Belle Luxury Canvas Tents

$1,800 - $2,800 from Lotus Belle »

I recently learned a new word from my girlfriend, She-Ra: Princess of Power, and although I swore I would never use it, it's all I can think of when I look at these canvas tents from Lotus Belle. The word is "glamping."...

Kombo Fish Tool

$29.95 from Kombo »

It bonks! Nicely. It cuts! Safely. It cleans! Efficiently. It sharpens! Er...sharply. And it floats. The Kombo Fish is a rugged, seafood-dinner-centric multi-tool that hopes to become an invaluable part of your tackle...

HUSKK Quickdraw Phone Wallet Case

$24.99 from DudeIWantThat.com »

They say Dad would really like one of HUSKK’s hybrid Quickdraw wallet/phone cases for Father's Day this year. But I think what he would really like is one of HUSKK’s hybrid Quickdraw wallet/phone cases loaded up with...

Light - The Phone Only Phone

$100 from The light phone »

Light Phone is credit card-sized cell phone that pairs with your existing phone. It is designed to be used as little as possible, and comes with no bells or whistles. Both figuratively and literally. Without even a display...

Selfie Vibrator with HD Camera (NSFW)

$180 from Lovehoney »

It doesn't have to be a holiday or special occasion to surprise your lady with a thoughtful gift. The Svakom Gaga Sex Selfie Stick even has a foolproof, built-in mechanism for gauging how much she likes it. Come on, sugar...

Pyro - Open Palm Fireball Shooter

$174 from Ellusionist »

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. I know because only Santa could make a hidden wristband that allows me to launch fireballs from my open palm, and only Santa could make it available for my mama to purchase for me...

ZERO Helicopter

Holy hovering vehicle of flight! It's the ZERO concept helicopter from Spanish helicopter thinker upper Hector del Amo. How does it work? How fast can it go? How far can it go? Is it safe? Who the hell knows?! Apparently...

Luxury Mile High Club Experience

$7,750 from Wish.co.uk »

Don't just simulate them in a Jet Bed, realize your aero-fantasies with the Luxury Mile High Club Experience. Wish.co.uk, peddlers of myriad activities intended to prevent life and its inhabitants from becoming boring...

Sunoco Burnt Rubber Cologne

"Steel on steel on rubber on road." And also some sweetness and spice so you won't make the ladies gag. Sunoco Burnt Rubber Cologne seeks to bottle the essence of racing so you can enjoy your fast and furious experiences...

Weapons of Svenhaellin Fire Pit

$32,600 from Etsy »

Randy of Fire Sculpture Art has been bending metal to his whims for over 45 years. He believes, "The great sin in life is to be boring." Combine his craft with his credo and you get the Weapons of Svenhaellin Fire Pit....

Bullet Bouquets

$24.95 - $84.95 from Bullet Bouquets »

Bullet Bouquets. No better way to call them than that. And just as cool as these loaded pots of blooms: gung-ho shooter and artist Anthony Zambai saw the idea for them on Reddit less than a week ago. When the Bullet Bouquet...

Little Book of Butts (NSFW)

$9.99 from Amazon »

We have big books of breasts...in 3D. On top of coloring books of vaginas. Smashed next to coloring books of multiple anatomical parts interlocking with other anatomical parts. To complete the nudie sandwich, I think...

GoRoll Foam Roller with Storage

$79 - $89 from GoRoll »

GoRoll combines the firm shell and EVA foam coating of massage rollers with the hollow core of my ex-girlfriend Karen to produce this dual purpose tension reliever and lockable storage cylinder. A detachable carry strap...

Check All That Apply Cards

Sold Out from Etsy »

Business cards, like hand gestures, are great ways of communicating. A card reminds a new acquaintance of your name. A potential client of your job title. A hot chick of your phone number. And here, with the interactive...

Grizzly 8.5" Magfed Shotgun

$411 from Canada Ammo »

No one has written a Wikipedia article on Dominion Arms' Grizzly 8.5 magfed shotgun yet, and no one has given me a Dominion Arms Grizzly 8.5 mag fed shotgun yet, so all I can really say about it is that from the very...

Giveaway: 1 Year of Skoshbox Japanese Treats

The only reason Marshawn Lynch eats so many Skittles is that he's never tried Chewy Cola Seeds or Tokuno Milk Candy. But here's his chance. And your chance too, dudes: Click here and enter to win a 1-year subscription...

DUBS Advanced Tech Earplugs

$24.99 from DUBS »

I always wear earplugs when I go out at night. Not only do they protect what little hearing I have left, but if someone ugly comes up and tries to talk to me they also give me an easy out: I just point at my ears, conjure...

vapRwear Smokable Hoodies

$99 from VapRwear »

Elvis "Papi" Edwards created the line of vapRwear smokable hoodies. Papi Edwards. Caribbean native. Colorado resident. Incredibly enterprising stoner. His vapRwear hoodies all have hookah-like drawstrings at their necks...

Goth Angel Fantasy Figurines

$220 from Etsy »

I'm not really into dolls or fairies...anymore...but if someone wants to commission me one of Shadowsculpt's goth angel fantasy figurines, let's just say I'm not going to regift it along with the label maker from Elaine....

The World According To Americans

$8.25 - $47.95 from Zazzle »

With the possible exception of the "AIDS" label that's covering half of Africa, some of these American stereotypes of the rest of world are surprisingly lacking in wickedness. I would have expected less superficial ignorance...

Kobayashi Mug

$15.59 from Firebox.com »

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that...he's gone....

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BearArms Black Diamond & Shell Casing Bracelet

Giveaway: BearArms Black Diamond & Shell Casing Bracelet

Bare wrist? BearArms and flash it up. Click here and enter to win a genuine black diamond & steel .45 ACP shell casing bracelet from BearArms Bullet Bracelets! A $500 value!...

Pinky Queen Nipple Lightener (NSFW)

I understand that Pinky Queen nipple...pinkener?...is a boobie beauty tincture developed with a female customer base in mind. And I definitely think females with nipples that are splotchy, unsavorily-hued, or look like...

Wasp Gas Injection Knife

$499.95 from Wasp »

And a watermelon takes it in the gut again. Like so many other weapons demos we've seen around here (Gotcha Cap, Throwing Card Knives), the effects of the Wasp air injection knife have been exacted upon a watermelon....

Sexy TRON Outfit

Discontinued

Wise shoppers know that when buying a gift, you should choose something for the recipient that you would never choose to buy for yourself. In that vein, this smokin' hot, 12-gauge clear plastic TRON corset lined with...

Watermelon Swimsuit

$43 from Batoko »

Oh goodness! I seem to have walked right into a watermelon! It feels so wet and squishy and...gooooood. The fruit of the summer becomes the suit of the summer with Batoko's jaunty watermelon one-piece. No word on whether...

The TRON Light Cycle

Discontinued

Yeah, it costs more than twice the country's 2011 median income, but two little words make it worth every penny: Street. Legal. If you can convince the bank, or your mom, to spot you the cash, a living, breathing replica...

Programmable Tattoo System

$149.99 from ThinkGeek »

NOTE: To everyone who keeps emailing us to reveal "the truth" about this product, please conserve your time and effort; trust us, we are well aware of the month and day on which ThinkGeek released their groundbreaking...

Innori 15000mAh Battery Pack

$29.99 from DudeIWantThat.com »

Charge your phone or tablet to the tune of 15000mAh, with a bass line of 50% off with this Dude Exclusives deal....

LaunchPAD - Fleshlight iPad Case (NSFW)

$24.95 from Fleshlight »

Though it's not electric or piston-powered...or Japanese...like this friendly sex toy, the LaunchPAD does employ advanced technology in a valiant effort to enhance Man's alone time. The makers of male masturbatory aid...

Indiana Jones Cat Bridge

$150 - $240 from Catastrophic Creations »

This listing is for an Indiana Jones Cat Bridge, but it appears that in order to make it a viable lounging place for your own cat, you will also have to construct an entire Temple of the Chachapoyan Warriors to assist...

Gotcha Cap Self Defense Tool

$39.45 from Amazon »

You can watch the video to see the Gotcha Cap in action, or click here to watch a GIF of it showing a punk ass watermelon what's up. Issued by FAB Defense, the Gotcha Cap is a covert self defense tool (and swell hat!)...

Japanese Electric Piston Masturbator (NSFW)

$220 from Amazon »

Note: The Japanese electric piston masturbator's NSFW designation serves not so much as a reminder that this device is not suitable to view at work as it does a reminder that it is not suitable to use at work. I found...

Boregasm Pills

 

Good thing yawns and O faces look about the same because, thanks to research being conducted by a handful of (presumably exhausted and horny) PhD students at Indiana University's The Kinsey Institute, they're about to...

LIX 3D Printing Pen

$70 - $135 from LIX »

Paperless pens and drawing in 3D. True, we've seen it in the 3Doodler, but LIX is the first 3D printing pen to condense this technology into a writing instrument of normal proportions. You know, rather than one that looks...

Grasshopper Vaporizer Pen

$99 - $145 from Grasshopper »

Ha! More proof that if pens wish to avoid extinction they better start bringing more to the table than a barrel full of ink! In fact, Grasshopper makes the biggest leap of all--the one I've been waiting for: it eliminates...

Double Barrel Pistol

$4,400 - $4,950 from Arsenal Firearms »

The AF2011-A1 Double Barrel Pistol is a first on two counts. It's the first ever double barrel semiautomatic pistol manufactured for sale (not available yet, but on deck for Fall 2012). And, after getting a load of the...

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VSSL Outdoor Utility Tubes

Giveaway: VSSL Outdoor Utility Tubes

By: VSSL »

VSSLs (say "vessel") are cylinders stashed with smaller cylinders stashed with everything you might need to survive and present yourself as a functional human being in the outdoors. Even if, like me, you can barely walk...

Kniper Throwing Knife & Multi-Tool

$75 from Kniper »

People around here seem to love knives and multi-tools. Multi-tools in particular are, like, the new bacon. Before, for at least a year, when I posted anything about bacon clicking fingers went hog wild (see: tactical...

Reverse Peephole Viewer

$43.86 from Amazon »

Now here's something that should be illegal, but is instead available with free shipping on Amazon. The reverse peephole viewer, used appropriately by law enforcement personnel and inappropriately by 99% of all others...

First 24 Survival Kit

$1,499 from Taurus »

I hope our current obsession with survival gear and bug out bags and general disaster preparedness means we're not actually going to have to face the collapse of the world in the near future. Because when it comes to...

McWhinney Active Wedding Rings

$825 - $3,750 from McWhinney Designs »

Jeff McWhinney designs wedding rings for men who move. Like a little more than from their desk to the john, the car to the house, and the couch to the fridge. Hikers, golfers, climbers, weight lifters, even really intense...

Mutator Global iPhone Silencer

$16 - $28 from Mutator »

People seem to love their iPhones. Almost as much as they seem to love to bitch about them. Damn autocorrect, good-for-nothing maps, battery life of a gallon of mocha almond fudge in the hands of pregnant woman, innate...

Captain America Shield Backpack

$59.99 from ThinkGeek »

School's out for summer. But school is not out forever. Sorry. Alice Cooper lied. I also hear the Age of Ultron is coming. Followed by a Civil War. Better gather your EDC pens, notebooks, and laptops and shield up!...

Cicret Human Touchscreen Bracelet

By: Cicret »

My new tablet? My bulging, Tom-Cruise-in-The-Last-Samurai forearm. Hey, if they can make a laser-powered virtual keyboard that tracks fingers for real-time typing (and sound effects!) why can't they make a bracelet that...

Motoped Survival Bike

$2,499 - $3,149 from Motoped »

Universal mounting rack. Three gallons of fuel. In critical times, Motoped's Survival Bike puts escape in the hands of your feet. The military-inspired superhauler has a back rack assembly primed for multiple bolt-on...

NERF Nuke

$99.99 from ThinkGeek »

Though we've long since entered the nuclear age, NERF has always inexplicably resisted foamifying the most powerful bomb in the world into a play toy for children. That is, until now. Dribble your drool upon the NERF...

Big Book of Big Breasts 3D (NSFW)

$42.25 - $55.89 from Amazon »

I spent most of the day contemplating how I might discuss The Big Book of Breasts 3D with the great respect and deference I feel for it and its contents, but without sounding too dry, detached, or clinical. Unfortunately...

Spyderco Bug Knife

$12.34 from Amazon »

Do they call it the Bug Knife because it's so tiny or because it's been designed especially for killing bugs? I mean, we have insect-blasting shotguns now, so you never know. Hot summer day on the patio, cold beer in...

Private Gym Penis Trainer (NSFW)

$59.99 - $99.99 from Amazon »

It's the one body part P90X neglects. But before you reach for a Viagra to long-and-strongify your johnson, the Private Trainer would like its shot at ripping your penis to shr-...uh.... Maybe I'll go with a different...

PlyFy DIY Wooden GoKart

$790 from Flatworks »

Pursuant to a successful Kickstarter campaign, The Flatworks is offering up pre-orders of its PlyFly gas-powered wooden go-kart kit to those who didn't get in on the crowdfunding backing....

nexpaq Modular Smartphone Case

$89 - $109 from nexpaq »

Since we're still waiting for a modular cell phone to emerge from the Sea of Google, nexpaq proposes that in the interim we...wait...but hopefully for less time...for their forthcoming modular cell phone case. Customizable...

Lily Autonomous Drone Camera

$499 from Lily »

My friend Cornelius and I threw a Lily in the air once in 6th grade. She dropped like a sack of twice-baked bacon and brown butter potatoes. (Don't worry, there was a lake there to catch her.) But throw this Lily in the...

Full Metal Jacket Jeep

$106,888 from Starwood Motors »

100 hours to build this beast. Totally worth it. Their words, not mine. Not that I'm calling BS or anything. It's just that I'll never know if Starwood Motors' Full Metal Jacket Jeep is totally worth it or not because...

Galactic Cap Just-the-Tip Condom

$5 - $100 from Galactic Cap »

"The Galactic Cap is a condom men will want to wear and their partners will love. A better alternative, it will increase condom use and promote healthier sex." Want to wear? Partners will love? Well. Considering this...

Power Glow Bioluminescent Energy Drink

Throw away the EL wire and chemical-laced makeup. If you want to look like a club kid, Doctor Manhattan, or a walking biohazard, come the end of 2015 all you'll have to do is gulp & glow. On top of injecting your blood...

DEEP 3D Wallpaper

$58 - $110 from twenty2 »

All you slow, socially awkward, and stoned kids out there who enjoy sitting around staring at walls, prepare to get DEEP and have your minds blown. DEEP is 3D wallpaper. It was created as part of a collaboration between...

Credit Card Ax

$29.99 from Etsy »

I can see thinking it would be nice to have a less bulky Swiss Army Knife. One that's flat even, and fits in your wallet. In other words, I can see the birth of the credit cart multi-tool. But who carries around an ax...

The Sound Torch Flaming Bluetooth Speaker

$158 - $165 from Kickstarter »

We've seen speakers that make light dance and speakers that make water dance, so it's only natural that someone would come up with one that, er, lights a fire under the feet of fire. The Sound Torch is a Bluetooth speaker...

Batmobile iPhone 6 Case

By: My ACG »

A few bucks shy of being able to afford the jet turbine powered Batmobile? How about buckling your phone up in one instead? Specifically, this most excellent and radical and schwing!-worthy replica Batmobile case for...

Flow Chart Film Plot Posters

$30 - $200 from My Modern Shop »

In a time when everything from books and movies to sporting events to 1 a.m. lines at the Taco Bell drive-thru keeps getting longer, it's nice to see that H-57 still knows how to break it down to the quick and dirty....

Lockpick School in a Box

$99.99 from Maker Shed »

Obviously it's necessary to pick a lock only when you are a locksmith or have been kidnapped and held hostage in a locked room. Or, I guess, when you need to break into your ex-girlfriend's (aka Heart of Blackness) apartment...

Easybreath Snorkeling Mask

$169 - $209.99 from Amazon »

It's not a set of human gills, but at least Tribord's Easybreath snorkeling mask doesn't require technology that hasn't come forth from hypothetical existence yet to work. This will make it somewhat easier for two-legged...

Ltd Tools Smoking Pipes

$120 - $135 from Ltd Tools »

The Ltd Tools mission statement: "To make the nicest pipes on the planet." I guess the truth in that goal is all personal taste before you're high, and not really worth taking the trouble to think about after you're high...

WTF Prank Candles

$11.95 from WTF Prank Candles »

WTF does using the term "WTF" in reference to a candle mean? In a nutshell: "Mmmm, this smells incredible! Just like the apple pie my grandma used to make with the shortbread crust and the....gaaaaasssspppp!. W...T...F...is...

Baby Head Masks

$350 from Hyperflesh »

People who think babies are angelic and precious, I see your Gerber models, and raise you these three baby head masks. No, make that these three enormous, bulbous, horrifying, spawn-of-Chucky baby head masks. Landon Meier...

Ladobi Erotic Film Earphones

$48.39 from Firebox.com »

If you're going to spend a fine Wednesday evening listening to people F softly, screw gently, hump sweetly, ball discreetly, and then F'ing bone completely, wouldn't you prefer that they not sound like Jack Black scraping...

Portable Survival Rifle

$290 - $350 from Henry Repeating Arms »

"Don't leave civilization without one." It's the motto of the US Survival AR-7, a semi-automatic portable rifle that weighs a mere 3-1/2 pounds and measures in at 16-1/2" long when broken down and stowed in its waterproof...

Black Useless Box Kit

$44.99 from Amazon »

This black box is nearly impossible to put together. Ninety-nine percent of those who try will fail. But for the always-elite 1%, once your corners are aligned and screws affixed, the world will be your oyster. Flip the...

Steampunk Motorcycle with Firing Machine Guns

Putsch Racing calls their Steampunk attack bike the Aristo-cad. I think that's a great name. Very cool. Very fitting. And even if I thought otherwise I'd keep my fat mouth shut because this motorcycle also happens to...

Cat Battle Armor

$500 - $520 from Etsy »

Quick, someone get this cat a lance! He's scheduled to joust one of the guinea pigs from G-Force at high noon and only just finished his battle armor fitting. I don't know if he's ready for this. The pigs have been training...

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The COFFEEBOXX

Giveaway: The COFFEEBOXX

By: OXX »

Bulls schmulls. I want to help you get strong as an OXX. Step 1: click here and enter to win OXX's burly COFFEEBOXX, a single cup brewing system with a crush-proof core, water- and dust-resistant housing, and button that...

Oh, the Places You'll Eff Up

$11.76 from Amazon »

Know someone who's about to graduate college? Stressing, lying awake at night thinking, Now what? For me it was business as usual. Chillin', mowwin', gamin' at my mama's house with my friend Cornelius. But then one day...

I Am Chewie Hoodie

$60 from We Love Fine »

Holy crap, Rheurrrrrr Glglglglg Rararararara, and Hubba, hubba! It's the furriest, frilliest Chewbacca hoodie yet, modeled by the furriest, hottest Wookiee fan yet. I Am Chewie certainly isn't the first attempt to bring...

Air Vent Hidden Safe with RFID Lock

$219.99 from Amazon »

Tough tamales if you're looking for air circulation this summer, but here at least your cash, Glock, and Chewbacca bandolier signed by all passengers of the Millennium Falcon will be hidden away and protected. It's Quick...

The Best Prank Birthday Card Ever

$15 from Kickstarter »

Now my favorite birthday gifts come in the form of a Peeping Creeper at the bedroom window or talking an amateur heavyweight UFC fighter into accusing my friend Cornelius of sleeping with his girlfriend, but if you're...

Decimator Staff Lightsaber

Discontinued

I wish Saberforge would stop churning out new custom designs faster than I can squirrel away enough money from helping old ladies with groceries and skimming off the top of the church collection basket to buy them all....

Slate-ish Paper Laminate Tile

$80 from Slate-ish »

On its own, slate and the tile it produces for our home projects takes bazillions of years to form from silt and mud nestled in the deep crevices of the earth. But Slate-ish, a visually and functionally similar tile prodded...

Osprey Anti-Gravity Suspension Backpack

$250 from Amazon »

One thing I know about ospreys the sea hawks is they are some loudmouthed birds. You think pigeons cooing or crows cawing at 6 a.m. on Sunday morning is a torment to your hangover? Try a pair of nested ospreys squawking...

Mustache Guard Mug

$22 from Amazon »

June 21st is Father's Day. If Papa's already got a brand new bag (maybe the Henty you got him for Christmas?) now it's time for a brand new mug. Here's a hand(lebar)y choice for they of the hairy upper lips. The Bucardo...

Hidetoshi Nakayama Bolt Action Pen

$420 from Monkey Edge »

I've never understood why people drop hundreds of dollars on things like blue jeans and wine when Carhartt's and 2 Buck Chuck will do just fine jobs of covering your ass and getting you drunk. But spending hundreds of...

Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit

$317.54 from Amazon »

Are you prepared to fight for the survival and integrity of family, friends, and the human race in apocalyptic combat with the ambulatory dead? In other words, do you want to buy a 7-piece set of gut-ripping knives and...

Turbine Engine Boot Blade

$49.99 from Vvego »

TSA isn't going to like this EDC blade attached to your boot, but that incredibly hot chick in purple yoga pants who just noticed a wad of gum congealed to her shoe as she removed it for the X-ray belt probably will....

MYO Telekinetic Armband

$149 from Thalmic Labs »

Well, telekinetic is only part of the story. Is telemusculokinetic a word too? Maybe that's redundant. Remote control muscles? Yeah, let's go with RC muscles. MYO armbands transform muscles--specifically the arm, or as...